


Til I Hear It From You

by Punkrocksong



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Love, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, POV Multiple, Recreational Drug Use, edging on smut but not really, fluff with smidge of angst, nineties throwback, non-canon, the Say Anything AU no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 01:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 72,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12694086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punkrocksong/pseuds/Punkrocksong
Summary: It's 1996, Ronan and Adam have just graduated from high school.  Ronan has been in love with Adam for years, but realized if he was going to make his move, he'd have to do it soon.  Adam has no idea who Ronan is when diplomas are handed out.This is pure Pynch - all of the other relationships are mostly background.  This is incredibly self-indulgent of me.  I regret nothing!





	1. Maybe I Want To Get Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Say Anything a couple of months ago and noticed some definite parallels between Lloyd Dobbler/Diane Court and Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish. I thought this could be fun and kind of fluffy. I obviously changed some things, and added some things. I also get to play around with the characters without having to deal with hooves or Cabeswater.  
> Ronan and Adam are not as dark and angsty in this. They didn't have the same experiences growing up as they did in the novels, so they are a little lighter.
> 
> Other Notes:
> 
> \- I really aged Declan up, he's ten years older than Ronan. I also aged Matthew down so he is five years younger than Ronan. It made more sense for the plot.  
> \- I made Ronan 19 for the sake of the plot because that is how old Lloyd is in the movie.  
> \- I made Adam just shy of 18 when graduating.  
> \- I kept the smut to a minimum, I wanted to focus on the boys, and their friends, and their fluffy fluffy feelings.  
> \- There are tons of 90's references, I couldn't help myself.  
> \- Body piercings were a big thing in the 90's, just roll with it.  
> \- The title is a Gin Blossoms song from the early 90's, because why not?
> 
> I hope this one turns out better than my first story! I'm at about 35K words right now, and I'm hoping to bring this in at around 75K. I promise to post at least once a week, maybe more depending on how things go.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> _Maggie Stiefvater owns all of the characters, Cameron Crowe owns a little bit of the dialogue_

_Seattle, Washington_  
_1996_

“Huh, I don’t really feel any different.” Blue shrugged as she fixed clips into her heavily highlighted hair.

“Seriously? We are finally free. It’s graduation…it’s the best thing I could have ever hoped for.” Noah replied, as he plopped onto Blue’s bed, his dress shirt unbuttoned, which revealed a blue Weezer t-shirt underneath.

“I know, I was just expecting some kind of revelation, or an epiphany to hit me when I woke up this morning. But, it’s just the same feeling of…I dunno…waiting. Like Whelk was on my ass all year, just a total dick, and then he writes in my yearbook yesterday, ‘you’re a spirited girl, and have a bright future ahead, love Whelk.’ It’s all so…false. I just thought things would feel more real now.” Blue said.

“Maybe he just wanted to end things on a nice note, or he was hitting on you.” Noah said with a shrug, getting up to get his pipe out of his messenger bag.

“You are not smoking in my room. Dean would kill me!” Blue yelped. 

Blue’s stepfather, Dean Allen, was a police captain. He was fairly lenient with Blue regarding curfews, and who she spent her time with, but the only thing he asked in return was for her to not do anything explicitly illegal, especially in their home. Smoking pot was definitely illegal.

Noah, just shrugged again, restlessly, got up from Blue’s bed, and sank into the small reading chair in the corner of Blue’s very green room.

Noah was a mailable and amiable creature. It was hard to get upset with him, as he rarely did anything that warranted the rise in blood pressure that accompanied true anger. He was their friend group’s glue, he was their secret keeper, he was the boy they were all a little bit in love with. 

“And gross. If Whelk is using words like love, then I think we need to find new words.” Blue said with an obnoxious huff while trying to figure out which pair of knee socks to wear with her flower printed baby doll dress and platform Mary Janes.

“There is no way Maura is letting you out of the house in that.” Noah barked gleefully as Blue slipped the dress over her slip.

The dress barely went two inches past her butt, and on an averaged sized girl, the dress would easily be worn as a shirt. Blue had gotten the dress from the children’s section of a local thrift store.

“I’m wearing socks…” Blue retorted angrily as she tried to bend over to put on her clunky shoes without showing her ass off to the world.

Blue was wearing pink knee high socks, which still left about five inches of bare thigh exposed. And on a girl who was not quite five feet tall, that was a lot of bare leg.

“Besides, we’ll be wearing our gowns anyway.” Blue finished her thought.

“Hey, I’m just saying your Mom is going to throw a fit. I think you look adorable.” Noah cooed.

Blue scowled.

“What do you think dumbass?” Blue pointedly asked a tall, lanky, boy who was laying on her bed, staring as the ceiling, ignoring Blue and Noah’s entire, pointless exchange.

The boy’s name was Ronan Lynch. He was dressed in a white Bad Religion t-shirt which had seen better days (It had been his father’s), and was just a smidge too small. He wore a black and red checked flannel over it. His tattered black jeans were too purposefully ripped to have not come that way, and his shit kicking Doc Martin’s were well worn and scuffed. Leather bracelets wound around both of his wrists. A thin, silver ring, was threaded through his lower lip. His hair was cut close, a buzz cut. He was brutally handsome in a way that made it difficult to look at him for too long. He had sharp, angular, features; high cheekbones, roman nose, thin mouth, and eyes that were cerulean blue. Eyes that a girl could lost in, which was really too bad for the girls, as Ronan was as out as they came.

“I think…” Ronan pondered. “That you look like a loser.” 

Blue just gave Ronan the bird and went back to getting ready, smearing red lipstick over her mouth that made it look purposefully smudged, which it was. She then started artfully smudging her eyeliner, and Noah suggested he wanted some too.

“I think I’m going to ask him out. I’m going to do it.” Ronan said thoughtfully.

Blue rolled her eyes. This again.

“Ronan, buddy, you don’t even know he’s…like…into dudes.” Noah said, not unkindly.

“We had a moment.”

“Ronan, you purposefully started failing AP Chem so you could trick Adam into tutoring you, that’s not a moment, that’s a scam.” Blue accused.

And Blue was not wrong. Ronan had started throwing quizzes and tests, and not turning in homework last year just so he could ask Adam Parrish to tutor him.

“I didn’t go through with it. But, he seemed disappointed when I declined.” Ronan reasoned.

Noah rolled his eyes this time.

“Adam Parrish doesn’t know you exist.” Noah said, less kindly.

Adam and Ronan had gone to school for two and a half years, and had a surprising number of classes together given Ronan’s generally unimpressive GPA, and disdain for institutional learning. Adam was this year’s valedictorian, and had well over a 4.0 GPA. For the better part of twenty-two months (as Ronan was deprived Adam’s presence during the summer months), Ronan loved Adam from a far, never having the nerve to talk to the dusty haired boy who consumed most of his thoughts.

His infatuation with Adam was probably the only reason he was graduating today, as school was the only time Ronan saw Adam. Ronan would sometimes sit out in his BMW in front of the community center where Adam volunteered, but he never dared to go in. A few shameful times, Ronan had sat in his car, out on the street, chewing on his leather bands, in front of Adam’s Uncle’s art gallery, hoping for a glimpse of Adam. Ronan had even contemplated taking a college level course at the university with hope of running into Adam there. His time had run out. If he was going to make a move, he had better do it soon. Adam was leaving the last week of August for his fellowship at Oxford. He had not quite twelve weeks to make Adam fall in love with him. Assuming, Adam even liked boys.

“Well, he might not be able to recall my name off hand, but after today, he will.”

“I don’t think Adam dates, and even if he does date, and even if he likes boys, he’s not going to go out with you. He’s a brain, an overachiever. You are kind of whatever the opposite of that is.” Blue pointed out.

“Plus, he’s hot. Like he could be like a fancy European runway model hot.” Noah chimed in.

“I don’t think Adam realizes that about himself.” Blue said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that’s one of the great fucking things about Adam Parrish.” Ronan exclaimed.

And it was. Ronan thought he might have a chance, because he had watched girls throwing themselves at Adam for years, and he was always polite, but he always declined. Their mutual friend, Richard “Dick” Campbell Gansey III, once confided in Ronan, that Adam seemed generally flabbergasted as to why anyone would take an interest in him.

“You two don’t even exist in the same orbit. He’s going to Oxford, you want to what, be an MMA fighter?” Blue scoffed.

Blue wasn’t wrong, not completely. Ronan had been training in mixed martial arts for years, having picked up an interest in it when his family lived in Japan when Ronan was nine or ten years old. That wasn’t Ronan’s only interest though. His friends didn’t really know how smart Ronan actually was. They didn’t know that he scored very well on his SAT’s the previous year. They didn’t know he was fluent in Greek and Latin, along with a passing grasp of Gaelic. They didn’t know he read the classics in his spare time. They didn’t know he painted, and one of the spare rooms at his brother Declan’s house had been devoted as Ronan’s art studio. They didn’t know, not because they didn’t care, but because Ronan was a secretive creature. Ronan had no doubt he could carry on an intelligent conversation with Adam.

“I don’t know what I want to be when I grow-up, just that I need to take a chance. You don’t have to be such a dick about it.” Ronan glared at Blue.

Blue’s eyes softened.

“Even though you are the biggest fucktard I have ever met, I still care about you, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Blue responded, voice softer, quieter.

“Fuck, maybe I want to get hurt!” Ronan exclaimed, as he sat up, and ran his hands over non-existent hair.


	2. The Real World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan graduate from high school. Adam is a nerd, and Ronan has no chill.

Adam Parrish was in the passenger’s seat of his Uncle Colin’s Audi, looking over his graduation speech, on the way to the ceremony. He wished he had the confidence his friend Gansey so effortlessly possessed. Even though it had been over six years since he had seen his father; his father’s cruel words, berating Adam for all his numerous perceived failings, would often creep into Adam’s head. Adam would try to shake it off, and would rationally understand everything he had achieved the past few years directly contradicted Robert’s accusations of worthlessness, uselessness, stupidity, ugliness, laziness, etc. But, his father’s twangy, slurred, drunken, voice would still linger from time to time.

Robert had murdered Adam’s mother when Adam was twelve. Robert had been drunk, and upset that Adam hadn’t been there to beat on, so he beat Adam’s mother to death. Adam’s Mom hadn’t done much to protect Adam, but when she got the news that Robert had been laid off, she sent twelve year old Adam to a neighbor’s house for the evening. If Adam had been at home, he would have been the one who died. He spent every day making sure his mother’s sacrifice was not in vain.

Colin was Adam’s only surviving relative. Adam’s Mom’s older brother. Colin had not spoken to his younger sister for over ten years when she ran off to be with the worthless drunk, Robert. Colin had initially not wanted to take Adam in, but a condition of the trust his parents set up was Colin only received the bulk of his trust if he took guardianship of his sister’s children to raise to the age of eighteen if any said children found themselves orphaned. Colin’s parents had known what kind of man Robert was too. Colin had been annoyed at first. He had gotten out of Virginia as soon as he could, and as soon as he saw Adam, he was dismayed at how Adam reeked of southern trailer trash.

Colin had been pleasantly surprised though. Adam was unfailingly polite, and brutally intelligent. Plus, the kid was self-sufficient. By the time Adam was in eighth grade, Colin realized he had a conversation piece. He painted himself as the magnanimous uncle, who swept in and took in his poor, orphaned nephew. Basically orphaned. Adam would be well into his thirties before Robert was released from prison. And on top of that, he got to brag about Adam’s various awards and prizes. Adam had turned into a sound investment for Colin Greenmantle.

“Well, it’s almost over. We’ve gone to school together for four years…I might cut that part out.” Adam muttered, looking through his note cards.

“It’s fine Adam. Over the course of your life, this is going to mean nothing.” Colin said, ignorant of the hurt look on Adam’s face.

***  
Ronan subjected himself to Maura taking about a million photos of him, Blue, and Noah before they left for the ceremony. Maura finally, not-so-patiently, asked Ronan to please stop rolling his eyes. He relented, only so he could get going.

He was driving to the ceremony by himself in his dead father’s charcoal BMW, as he listened to a The Prodigy mix CD Noah had burned for him. He was annoyed that some tracks skipped because he couldn’t be troubled to use a CD sleeve, and generally tossed his CD’s haphazardly in the back seat, which caused scratches. Noah had wanted them to ride together, but Ronan said he needed some time to collect his thoughts.

He knew his friends didn’t mean to be dismissive assholes regarding his affections for Adam. He didn’t think they really understood how deeply he felt for Adam. Ronan had actually tripped over his feet staring at Adam his first day of class, spring semester sophomore year. It was Calculus, a class Ronan had less than no interest in. The teacher told Ronan to find a seat, and he nearly lost his balance when he noticed Adam’s sea blue eyes. He caught himself on the corner of Adam’s desk.

_‘You OK?’ Adam had asked, honest concern in his voice._

Fuck, that accent, Ronan was completely lost after that moment.

And rationally, Ronan knew he was being ridiculous. He was nineteen years old, and had a crush on a boy he had exchanged maybe a few dozen words with in two years. Ronan knew he didn’t know enough about Adam, but he had this feeling, this thing, he knew it was silly to call it love, but that is what it felt like for him. He had spent months and months, years really, in class with Adam. He anxiously read Adam’s lit papers during peer review sessions. He paid attention to Adam’s answers during class. He had loads of second hand knowledge from Gansey. He knew it was a little pathetic, to be so caught up in Adam’s messy hair, beautiful freckles, tan skin, large knuckled hands – but that didn’t make his feelings any less real.

He figured he was going to be historically known as a great romantic, or a creepy stalker, depending on how the story ended.

*******

Adam was still reviewing his speech as Colin pulled into the high school parking lot.

“Having taken a few courses at the university this year, I have glimpsed out future, and all I can say is…go back.” Adam read a line back to his uncle.

Silence.

“and all I can say is…go back.” Adam tried again.

“Ha! Go back, great line.” Colin replied non-committedly.

“You like it, it works?” Adam asked nervously, God, he hated public speaking.

“Oh, yeah, sure. How long do you think this thing will be?” Colin asked, pulling into a space at the back of the lot. Not trusting the Fords and Chevys to be anywhere near his baby.

“Shouldn’t be more than an hour, maybe ninety minutes? Thanks for coming, I know you are busy.” Adam said.

If Colin was physically capable of complex human emotions, he probably would have felt something then. But, given he was a clinically diagnosed sociopath, mimicry was about the best he could do.

“Sure kid, no problem. I’m just meeting a client later, so we have to keep this short.”

*******

Student Body President, Henry Cheng, was on the stage singing his rendition of ‘Time After Time’ to the graduates, and their families, and some of the students were getting into it. Ronan rolled his eyes, annoyed, even though he was technically friends with Henry. Henry was one of Ronan’s few queer allies in a sea of breeders.

“I love you guys! Party at Orla’s tonight, going to be great. Be there.” Henry exclaimed loudly, dropped the mic, and walked off the stage.

“Umm, thank you Mr. Cheng.” Principal Childs started. “Now it’s time. I just can’t introduce this person without saying ‘History, Oceanography, Creative Writing, Biochemistry.’ I think you know who I’m talking about. We’re going to remember this student who said, ‘Hey world, check me out.’ Giving a speech entitled ‘Soaring Ahead.’ Mr. Adam Parrish.  
There is a small smattering of clapping after Adam was introduced. Most of the kids and parents already look bored. Ronan was one of the few sitting in rapt attention. Even Adam’s uncle was flirting with Kavinsky’s Mom instead of paying attention to Adam. Adam stood up nervously, and tried to wipe his sweaty hands on the cheap polyester of his blue gown. He nearly dropped his note cards in the process. He took his place at the lectern, and thanked genetics for his darker coloring, so his nervous flush wasn’t as noticeable to his peers.

“Thank-you. The real world.”

“Just look at those eyes.” Ronan breathed, leaning back to talk to Blue behind him. 

Blue just looked at Ronan sadly like he was a pathetic and lost puppy.

“We’re all about to enter ‘The Real Word.’ That’s what everybody says. But most of us have been in the real world for a long time. But I have something to tell everybody. I’ve glimpsed our future, and all I can say is…’Go Back.’

If it would have been night, you could have heard the crickets chirping three blocks away.

Ronan smiled, encouraged. Adam’s eyes don’t even flicker Ronan’s way.

“Well, it’s almost over. We’ve gone to school together for four years, and we’ve been through a lot. But with that training out of High School gone, what’s going to happen to us? We all know what the answers are. We want to be happy, go to college, own a car, maybe raise a family. But what if that doesn’t happen? I have, I have to be honest though, I have all the hope and ambition in the world. But when I think about the future, the truth is, I am really…scared.”

 

*******

 

Ronan suffered through more photos with friends after the ceremony. He didn’t understand the obsession with all the fucking pictures. It’s not like he was never seeing these people again, well, at least the people he wanted to.

“Mr. Lynch.” Childs said, pointing to Ronan’s t-shirt.

Ronan’s t-shirt had the Bad Religion logo on it, a cross, with a prohibition sign through it. It was a misrepresentative as being anti-religious, or maybe it was offensive because it was a religious symbol.

“Fuck, sorry sir.” Ronan muttered, as he buttoned his flannel up until Child’s was out the line of sight, and then completely took the flannel off.

“I’m happy I’ll never have to see that prick again.” Henry said affably. “Orla’s tonight Lynch?”

Ronan shrugged, defeated. Ronan didn’t like Blue’s cousin Orla, mostly because Orla was almost ten years older than Ronan, and had been trying to get into Ronan’s pants since the day he turned eighteen. Orla had, basically, a mansion in one of the uppity suburbs that her deceased husband left her. And even though she graduated ten years ago, she still threw a graduation party every year. A well attended graduation party. Inspiration struck Ronan, he didn’t think he could ask Adam on an actual date out of the blue, but he could probably scam Adam into going to a graduation party.

Ronan spotted Adam with his uncle across the quad, talking to their AP Lit professor.

“Seriously, look at him.”

“Ronan, give it up.” Henry sighed.

“Cheng, do me a favor; take a picture of me talking to him.”

“Lynch.”

“C’mon, I need proof for Sargent.”

“Ronan.” Henry begged.

“Ummm…please.” Ronan muttered.

“This is so embarrassing.” Henry said, Ronan not sure if Henry was capable of actual embarrassment.

“Thanks, man.” Ronan said, and jogged toward Adam.

When he is close enough to see Adam’s freckles, he noticed Adam’s uncle looking at him, curiously, like he recognized Ronan. Ronan lost his nerve and walked past Adam, which is what Henry got kind of a blurry photo of.

 

*******

 

When Colin dropped Adam off at the house, there was a small green Acura parked in front of the house with a red bow on it.

“Is that for me?” Adam asked, shocked.

Colin wanted to sneer, ‘who else would it be for?’

“Yes, I figured it be nice for you to have your own transportation since it’s your last summer, so you can go hang out with friends, or whatnot.” Colin explained, without adding, or ‘maybe make some friends so I can possibly get laid sometime in the near future.’

“Wow, thanks. And again, thanks for being there today. It meant a lot.”

Again, if Colin were capable of having genuine emotions, this sentiment probably would have meant something to him.

After Colin pulled away, Adam stared at the car. It felt weird for his uncle to give him a car out of the blue, when he would only be around for not even three months to drive it. Adam, who was as intuitive as he was smart, knew his uncle either didn’t, or was incapable, of loving him. When he was little, his mother had told him stories about how cruel Colin had been as a child, once killing a neighbor’s cat. Adam supposed she did this to make his own father seem less horrible in comparison.

The truth was, Colin wasn’t that bad to deal with. Adam played along with their game of happy family while he made plans for his escape. His grandparents of whom he had never met, had left him enough money to pay for his education, with a little extra once he graduated. Money his uncle couldn’t touch. He would be eighteen on July third, and after that, he didn’t even have to live with his uncle anymore. He understood why his Aunt Piper had left more than five years beforehand, looking surprisingly reluctant about leaving Adam with her soon-to-be ex-husband, especially given her own narcissistic personality traits.

Adam used the keys to unlock the door, and noticed the car was a clutch.

“Damnit.” Adam muttered, not knowing how to drive a stick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That terrible speech, is verbatim from the movie. I mean...how could I have possibly made it worse?
> 
> I hate Robert Parrish so much, I just couldn't even deal with him, but I love to hate the Greenmantle's, so I thought Colin could be Adam's uncle in the 'dad' role. I hope it ends up working, but it's making this story more complicated than I had originally intended.
> 
> I wanted to cut the humiliating photo taking scene after the ceremony, but I just couldn't. It so iconic, so I just took it down a notch.
> 
> I ended up writing like 5K today, which surpassed my goal. I thought I should post a couple more chapters, as the first chapter doesn't really give you much to go on, especially if you have never seen the movie.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to comment, it's very helpful, and thoughtful. It means a lot!


	3. A Pug Named Chainsaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Ronan's family, and Adam has a weird conversation

“Hey asshole, I’m home.” Ronan called, as he let himself into his older brother, Declan’s, two story early century remodel. Their black pug, Chainsaw, ran up to greet Ronan excitedly, snorting and grunting until Ronan picked the little dog up.

Ronan thought the home was ridiculously extravagant given the terms of their individual trusts. He assumed Declan used part of the money that was supposed to have gone towards his and Matthew’s education just to pay the property taxes for a house sitting on the lake. Ronan did appreciate that Declan bought an older home that reminded Ronan a little of their home in Belfast, instead of some new money monstrosity with too many windows, too many fixtures, and too many lights. 

“Jesus Ronan, could you maybe not in front of the kid?” Declan exclaimed, coming out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, asshole.” Ronan’s niece, Opal chirped in her tiny five year old voice.

Ronan grimaced slightly, but then beamed his monied smile at Declan.

“Yeah, I’m the only one who swears around here. How’d the doctor’s appointment go you little punk?” Ronan asked, bending down to be eye level with the spritely girl.

“I get the braces off in a couple of weeks.” Opal chirped excitedly.

Declan had missed the graduation because he had to take his daughter to a specialist for her club foot. They had been treating it since she was a baby, but she ended up being one of the small percentage of children who had a mild relapse. Ultimately, Declan decided to go with the less invasive, but more time committed braces, instead of additional surgeries. The doctors were confident Opal would be perfectly fine to start kindergarten in the fall.

Ronan didn’t mind. He really didn’t feel much about graduating from high school. He probably could have graduated two years ago, but he was a little aimless about what he wanted to do, and school ate up time, and Adam was also at school. He would have liked his parents to be there, but they had died in a car accident when Ronan was ten, and his younger brother, Matthew, was five. Luckily, Declan was twenty at the time, and was able to take over guardianship of the two young boys. He was going to school in Washington D.C. at the time of their parent’s death, so Ronan and Matthew were transported to the states, and remained with Declan.

“I’m sorry we missed it little brother. It was your big day, and no one was there.” Declan said, surprisingly sincere.

Ronan followed Declan back to the kitchen, and started to make himself a sandwich after he set Chainsaw on the floor, where she promptly proceeded to beg for food.

“If that ends up being my big day, just fu-….ummm..just kill me, O.K., because my life will have been pointless and meaningless.” Ronan said as he squirted mustard on a ham and cheese.

“I tried to get Ashley to take Opal this morning….” Declan trailed off.

Ashley was Opal’s absentee Mom. Declan, overwhelmed by being a parent at the age of twenty, stupidly proposed to his vapid, gold digging, girlfriend at the time. She stuck around just long enough to pop out a kid to negotiate a better divorce settlement after her five years were up. She occasionally showed up, just enough to confuse Opal. Declan was personally glad to be rid of her, even if it meant shelling out an extra million in the settlement so he could have sole custody.

“Seriously, it’s fine. Matthew didn’t go either, and he’s not moping about it.”

Matthew looked up from his Gameboy, where he was sitting at the kitchen table, just long enough to acknowledge he was at least semi-paying attention.

“You told me not to bother. Besides, I thought you wanted to be by yourself because you were going to finally profess your love for-“ Matthew was cut off by a cold cut being chucked at his head by Ronan.

“Shut up.” Ronan ground out.

“I wanna throw some food.” Opal pouted, trying to grab a piece of cheese of the counter.

Declan sighed.

Declan honestly didn’t understand why Ronan was still hiding his sexuality from him. Declan had found the magazines, understood Ronan’s Bush poster was not because he liked their music, and well…Ronan had never shown even the slightest interest in girls. Declan had known since about six months after Ronan and Matthew had moved in with him. It’s part of the reason he took a job in the liberal leaning city of Seattle two and half years prior, instead of the more lucrative one he had been offered in Mississippi. He would never tell Ronan this, he assumed being gay, even towards the tail end of the Twentieth Century was difficult enough, without adding a socially conservative environment to it. Declan figured Ronan would tell him when he was ready.

“Don’t fucking throw food.” Ronan chastised Opal, throwing some potato chips on his sandwich.

“Ronan, I let the first one slide, but swear jar.” Declan commented.

Ronan sighed, fished a dollar out of his wallet, and stuffed into the almost full economy sized pickle jar on the kitchen jar with the letters “Ronan’s Potty Mouth Penalty Jar” stenciled in, by Ronan himself.

“Why do you eat that stuff? There is no food in your food.” Declan grimaced.

Ronan shrugged, and took another bite, while Declan fished a box out of the cupboard above the refrigerator. Declan handed the box to Ronan. Ronan looked suspicious, but it had been messily wrapped by Opal, so he decided to open it. 

“Ummm.” Ronan said, not sure what to make of the mobile Nokia phone.

“Don’t be a di-jerk about it. I assumed you’ll be taking some trips this summer while you figure out whatever it is you want to do. You are on your own plan, I think you get 1000 minutes a month, don’t go over. I just want to be able to reach you.” Declan explained.

Ronan looked at the phone distastefully, like it was a pair of manacles, not a cellular device meant to connect people, instead of trapping them.

“Right…so, I’m going to go listen to some music and figure out the plan for tonight.” Ronan said, as he finished off his sandwich and grabbed the bag of potato chips. “Come on Chainsaw.”

Chainsaw dutifully followed her favorite human, the human with the most food visibly available.

“You’re welcome, and don’t go past the red line!” Declan yelled at Ronan.

“How do you even know where to draw the red line?” Ronan questioned loudly from the second story landing.

Declan came out into the foyer and yelled.

“Because if it’s any louder, the neighbors will complain.” 

“Doesn’t all of the yelling have the same effect?” Ronan yelled loud even louder, smirked, backed into his room, and slammed the door shut, loudly.

Declan sighed again, he hoped Ronan got his shit together enough to no longer be there in the fall. He loved his little brother fiercely, but he hoped Ronan would find someone else to annoy. 

 

*******

 

“Hey Piper, what are you doing here?” Adam said, opening the door for his aunt.

“The dickhead of ex-husband here?” Piper said, wiping the side table in the front hall for dust.

“He said he’d be in meetings the rest of the day. Do you want something to drink?” Adam asked.

Piper shook her head.

“OK, so I know, we haven’t really like kept in touch since the divorce, but I wanted to give you something.” Piper explained, fishing through her very expensive handbag. 

“Oh, Piper, you didn’t need to.” Adam said wearily, half-afraid of whatever would be in the bag.

Piper had always made Adam nervous. Partially because he had some very confusing and sexually frustrating dreams about her when he was twelve-thirteen years old. Piper was closer to his age than she was to Colin’s, which even now, Adam felt guilty noticing the low cut of Piper’s dress. He knew she knew what she was doing, he knew she enjoyed the attention. He could not wait to get away from these people.

“Now this was the only thing that asshole ever wanted, that I kept. And I want you to have it.” Piper said, handing Adam a wrapped box.

Adam awkwardly took the box, not sure if he wanted to open it. He unwrapped the box and stared at the silver jewelry box dumbly.

“Open it.” Pipe said excitedly.

Inside the box was a very expensive, very old, men’s wristwatch. He wondered why Piper would have it. He looked at her, eyebrow raised.

“I insisted on getting it in the settlement to fuck with Colin.” Piper said smugly. “I guess it belonged to European royalty or something. I dunno, I’m sure a jeweler could tell you more.”

Adam looked at the watch admiringly. He had a fine watch now, but this watch, this watch was something he could use as a conversation piece. He then felt mildly ashamed, as that would have been something his uncle would have thought. He closed the lid on the box and looked at Piper.

“It’s a beautiful watch. Thank you.”

“Just make sure you wear it in front of that prick. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything at the ceremony.”

“You were there?” Adam asked, very shocked that his aunt would do something even remotely selfless.

“Well…I was hoping to run into Declan Lynch, his kid brother graduated today. Good speech.” Piper shrugged.

Adam let the last name Lynch roll around in his head, it sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place the name. Adam wasn’t sure what Piper wanted with Declan, but it was probably something nefarious.

“I dunno. I was just standing up there and looking at all these people I spent all these years with, and I felt unknown. I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have taken all those courses at the college. I didn’t take the time to get to know anymore. I felt like everyone just thinks I’m an anti-social nerd.”

“First, who gives a shit what those losers think. It’s done, move on. Everything is working out for you as planned. All the years of summer school, all the vacations you gave up, it’s all working out for you. Soon you’ll be free of Colin, and he world will be your oyster. Just don’t forget your auntie when you make it big kid.” Piper said, winking at him.

Adam was fairly confident Piper just flirted with him into order to make him uncomfortable, but he also didn’t doubt she was hoping for some sort of payday down the road. He referred to Piper as his aunt, but really, she was a hot, older woman, who occasionally took Adam out for lunch, or bought him useless stuff. Her and Colin had already separated when Adam had come to live with Colin at the age of twelve. Adam wasn’t sure what specifically Piper wanted, but he assumed it was something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept Opal and Chainsaw, I just had to do some adjusting regarding roles. And I love pugs!
> 
> I'm trying to so hard to follow the script for the most part, but I will tell you I kind of give up on it after the next few chapters. I love this movie so much, but it's really kind of plain and simple. There isn't much depth to it. I'm not saying I'm adding any depth to it, but I am attempting to make it a little less shallow...maybe...or it's all terrible, I don't know.
> 
> I love Declan. Like he gets a bad deal in TRC, and about the only time I really don't like Ronan in the series is when he's being a douche to his older brother. I think making Declan so much older helps with their relationship because Declan really is an authority figure.


	4. Was It A Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan finally talks to Adam, over a landline phone, because it's 1996!

Ronan sat on his unmade bed, petted Chainsaw, and stared at the dreaded mobile phone as it charged. He thought about using the house phone, but then thought of the embarrassing scenario of Declan, Matthew, or Opal picking up the phone while he was on the phone with Adam. He would just wait, patiently, while this technological monstrosity charged. Maybe not patiently, but he would wait.

He resisted the urge to move the dial of his stereo past the red line, but plugged his oversized headphones in instead, laying back on the bed, letting the beats of Massive Attack lull him into some level of chill. He tried to mentally prepare himself for the most important phone call he would ever make, but he could hear Matthew and Opal running around like maniacs in the hallway. Well, Matthew was running, and Opal was squeaking, loudly. Ronan got up, took his headphones off, and poked his head out in the hallway.

“Hey, knock it off you little pukes.” Ronan yelled, not angrily, not yet anyway.

Matthew and Opal stopped in their tracks.

“Why do you care, you’re just listening to your terrible techno music, trying to talk yourself into talking to Adam, which you won’t do.” Matthew smirked, knowingly.

Ronan turned an interesting shade of crimson.

“Who’s Adam? Is he your friend?” Opal asked her uncle.

Ronan grabbed Matthew by the collar of his t-shirt and yanked him into his room, slamming the door. Ronan could hear Opal clomping down the stairs.

“Talk.” Ronan commanded angrily.

Matthew looked at Ronan dumbly, and pushed a blonde curl out of his face.

“What, about Adam? It’s OK Ronan, I know you like boys. I don’t care.” Matthew shrugged.

“Who else knows?” Ronan asked nervously.

“You’re fine. Declan doesn’t know, I don’t think. And…Adam doesn’t know you exist, so you should be good there too.” Matthew offered helpfully.

“Thanks.” Ronan responded sarcastically. “How do you even know about Adam?” 

“Dude, you are my brother. You look at Adam the same way I look at your friend Blue.” 

Ronan smirked. He knew about Matthew’s crush on Blue, they all found it adorable given five year age difference.

“OK, that’s fair. You don’t care, really?” Ronan asked.

“Why would I care? It just means we’ll never fight over the same girl.” Matthew said happily.

“Yeah, you never have to worry about that. Girls are gross.” Ronan said, making a gagging noise he knew his younger brother would enjoy.

“So, are you going to finally ask Adam out?” Matthew asked, like he was honestly interested.

“I’m going to ask him to Orla’s party, and we’ll take it from there. I don’t even know if he likes boys.” Ronan explained cautiously.

“Even if he doesn’t, won’t you feel better finally knowing?”

“What will I spend all of my time obsessing over then?” Ronan asked dryly.

“Do you want me to get Declan and Opal out of the house, so you can, like have some privacy, for your like phone call?” Matthew asked, teasing.

Ronan pulled out his wallet, and handed Matthew a twenty.

“Yeah, bug the piss out of Declan until he takes you to get ice cream. You are a genius.” Ronan said, as he brought Matthew in for a hug, kissing his temple.

 

*******

 

After Ronan saw Declan pull the Volvo out of the driveway, Ronan stared at the house phone, having already carelessly chucked the mobile in his junk drawer. He carefully got the slip of paper with Adam’s number on it out of his night stand drawer, and he stared at the number.

Adam had given Ronan his number, when Ronan had lied about needing help in chemistry. Adam didn’t hesitate, or claim he didn’t have time. He just ripped a piece of paper off the corner of his notebook and wrote his phone number in his lovely, sprawling, hand writing down, like it wasn’t the biggest thing to happen to Ronan romantically in his eighteen years up to that point.

Ronan dialed Adam’s number.

“Yeah.” An older, man answered, he sounded out of breath.

Ronan sighed, it was Adam’s creepy uncle.

“Ummm…yeah…can I speak to Adam…please.” Ronan forced the nicety out.

“Sorry, Adam is at the rec center.” 

Of course Adam would still volunteer on his graduation day.

“Uh…Okay…um” Ronan stuttered.

“Are you he guy with the Mustang?” Colin asked.

“No.”

“Datsun?”

“No.”

“Pickup?” 

“No.”

“Sorry, I’m apparently anxious to waste both of our afternoons. Adam has a lot of guys he hangs out with.”

Ronan could feel his palms sweating. So, are these guys hanging out romantically, or like bros?

“Uh, well, no actually, basically, you don’t know me. I’m a friend of Adams, from school. We umm…had some AP classes together.” Ronan stuttered. “Ummm, I drive a BMW.”

“BMW is solid choice. Why don’t I just get your number, that’s usually how taking a phone message works.” Colin trying to control his annoyance.

“Oh, yeah…umm…” Ronan stuttered through giving Adam’s uncle his phone number. Ronan repeated it two more times for good measure.

“OK, I’ll give him the message…ummm…name?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Uh, it’s Ronan.”

“OK, you have a good afternoon Ronan.” Colin said, and hung up the phone up before Ronan had a chance to say anything else.

Ronan laid back on the bed. He felt like he might throw up.

 

*******

 

Adam flipped through the message notebook when he got home after volunteering a couple of hours at the community center. There was a message from Gansey asking if Adam was going to Orla’s party. Adam shook his head, he had told Gansey no fewer than ten times he had no interest in awkwardly hanging out with a bunch of strangers while they got drunk. There was a message from Mike, a twenty-something guy Adam took a history class with at the college last semester who had been actively pursuing him for nearly three months. There was a message from Kristy, a girl he volunteered with, wanting to know if he wanted to go to a movie next week. Adam then got to the last message:

_Ronan called, he said you were friends from school. Didn’t say why he was calling. He sounded like less of a dick than Mike._

Adam shoved the other messages to the side. Ronan. Ronan who? The name sounded vaguely familiar, it wasn’t exactly a common name, but he couldn’t place the face. He grabbed the cordless phone and went to his room, just in case his uncle came back from the grocery store. He stared at the number, and debated on whether or not he should call. He finally dialed the number.

 

*******

 

“Noah, is that you? You sound weird.” Declan said, picking up the phone on the fifth ring. “Oh, Adam Parrish, for Ronan? Ummm…”

Ronan knocked Matthew out of the way, and practically slid into the kitchen in order to grab the phone before Declan had a chance to embarrass him.

“Give it, ass face.” Ronan yelled at Declan, as he tried not to panic.

“Who the fuck is Adam Parrish?” Declan asked as Ronan stared at the phone in horror, his brother wasn’t muting the call. There was a good chance Adam could hear everything going on at the other end of the line.

“A friend of Gansey’s, just give me the fucking phone.” Ronan growled dangerously.

Declan looked at Ronan weird before handing Ronan the phone.

“You don’t have to be such a dick.” Declan yelled as Ronan raced up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door shut.

Ronan forced himself to steady his breathing by slowly counting to ten before answering the call. He then heard Opal on the other side, pounding on the door. Ronan groaned, and opened the door, well aware Adam has been waiting at least two minutes by this point.

“What, you little urchin?” Ronan asked, annoyed, but not meanly.

“You said we’d watch _Darkwing Duck_ and you’d paint my nails.” Opal pouted, loudly.

Ronan cursed under his breath, he was sure the universe was conspiring against him.

“Opal, you give me five minutes of uninterrupted silence, I will watch _Darkwing Duck_ , and _Ducktales_ , and I’ll let you paint my nails. Deal?” Ronan pleaded.

Opal thought carefully about this proposition, shook her head in agreement, and went downstairs to wait for Ronan. Ronan shut his bedroom door and had to force his breathing to slow again.

“Hello.” Ronan said.

“Ummm…hi…you called me.” Adam replied, skeptically.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Ummm, yeah I uh, saw the thing in the paper…about your fellowship, and I ummm…wanted to congratulate you. And I was there for your speech this morning.” Ronan wanted to die. “Yeah, and thanks for calling me back.” Ronan added, why couldn’t he stop fucking talking?

“Yeah, thanks.” Adam said cautiously.

Then there was at least fifteen seconds of silence. In the scheme of the universe, fifteen seconds was nothing. Fifteen seconds of silence during a phone call though, paint was drying on walls, water was waiting to boil, the last five minutes of class droned on.

“Yeah, it’s been a crazy day.” Ronan finally stumbled.

“It sounds like it. Your house sounds like a zoo where people swear a lot.” Adam said wryly.

“Oh, sorry…I mean do you have a problem with the swearing?” Ronan asked, hoping Adam didn’t because swearing was one of Ronan’s favorite things, like ever.

“Well, whoever answered the phone does kind of sound like an asshole.” Adam smiled.

Ronan sighed in relief.

“That is my older brother Declan. Also, my legal guardian.” Ronan rolled his eyes, not that Adam could see.

“Oh, Declan Lynch?” Adam asked.

“Yeah, you know him?”

“Oh, not me. My Aunt Piper has been trying to line him up to be sugar daddy number two for the past year.” Adam laughed.

“Declan is an asshole, but I think he’s learned his lesson about marrying vapid blondes with fake boobs and expensive tastes in handbags. My niece Opal’s Mom was my brother’s cautionary tale.”

“Is that the little girl who is going to give you a manicure?” Adam teased.

Ronan wanted to be embarrassed, but Adam seemed to be enjoying the call, so Ronan decided his pride wasn’t the most important thing in the universe.

“Hey, she is surprisingly coordinated for a five year old.” Ronan boasted.

Adam laughed, and Ronan’s heart sang.

“Hey, how do you know Piper is blonde and surgically altered?” Adam asked.

“She thought I was Declan at some charity thing last year and started flirting with me. My brother was not amused and basically called her a child predator.”  
That made Adam genuinely laugh in a way Ronan had never heard before.

“Yeah, that sounds about right. I’ve already started preparing myself for when I turn eighteen over the summer.”

“Ummm…” Ronan began awkwardly.

“Oh, she’s only my aunt through a very brief marriage to my uncle, who was my Mom’s brother. I mean, it doesn’t make it any less gross, but the shady behavior is incest free. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it weird.” Adam apologized.

Adam had apologized to Ronan, like Adam cared about him thinking he’s weird. Ronan never wanted this phone call to end.

“Families are weird man. So, let’s get this out of the way. You don’t have idea who I am, do you?” Ronan asked.

“Sure, we had some AP classes together.” Adam replied.

“I’m pretty sure that’s information I left with your uncle.” Ronan responded.

“Yeah, it was in the message.”

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Do you want to go to Orla’s party tonight?” Ronan asked, holding his breath.

“Ummm…I wasn’t planning on it.” Adam replied honestly.

“OK, look Parrish. I’m sorry, but you can’t go to England without going to Orla’s graduation party. Orla is way too old to hang out with high school kids, but spends a ridiculous amount of money to host this fiasco every year. It’s the only time where everyone is come as they are, there’s no pretentious bullshit…”

Adam cut Ronan off.

“Actually, I don’t really…”

Ronan cut Adam off.

“Come on. Gansey mentioned trying to get you to come. I lived in England for a while as a kid, I could probably give you some tips on navigating the Brits.” Ronan asked hopefully, not throwing in he lived in England for three months when he was six, and knew fuck all about those treacherous, limey, Protestant, bastards.

“Well….” Adam said, feeling his resolve dissolve.

“You’d boost my street cred if I could get Adam Parrish to go to a high school party.” Ronan threw in, not caring he sounded desperate.

He could hear Opal pounding on the door, yelling that is had been at least ten minutes.

“OK, I guess I could go.” Adam resigned himself.

“You will, seriously? That worked? Cool. OK. I’ll pick you up around eight, is that cool?” Ronan stuttered.

“OK.”

“OK.” Ronan parroted back.

Ronan was about to hang up, but then could hear Adam on the other end of the line.

“What?” Ronan asked.

“Don’t you need my address?” Adam asked.

“Yes, excellent. That would be helpful.”

 

*******

 

After Adam hung up the phone he finally got the good sense to pull his yearbook out and flipped to Ronan’s Senior picture. Ah, everything clicked. Ronan was the mystery boy Adam noticed occasionally looking at him. Ronan was the boy who dressed like a punk, but was begrudgingly in all of the honors classes. Ronan drove a sleek BMW, but could be seen fucking around with stoner losers like Joseph Kavinsky in the parking lot. Ronan was the boy who had a full back tattoo that Adam had glimpsed at while changing for P.E. class. Ronan Lynch was an enigma, and suddenly Adam was nervous about this impromptu date.

Was it a date? Adam wasn’t sure. Ronan hadn’t exactly asked him out, but the conversation felt charged in a way that simply asking to hang would not have. Adam briefly thought about calling Gansey to see what he could tell him about Ronan, but then he thought that would be rude. Adam knew things were better now than they were twenty years ago, but it was still pretty common for kids to keep their sexuality to themselves, and it would kind of shitty to put Gansey in the position to betray a confidence, or to out someone who didn’t want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think this gives you enough to go on, to decide if you want to invest in this silly fluff fest.
> 
> I'm not trying to downplay how difficult it was being queer in the 90's, been there, it kinda sucked. I just don't want to focus on that for the purposes of this story. I'm not saying homophobia won't be addressed, because it will at some point, but I really want these two boys to be able to be with one another, in an open way. I want Ronan to have a good support system, and I want Adam to have the love he deserves. I'm not ignoring, I just don't want the story to get lost in some kind of activism message.
> 
> Also, I know Ronan seems a little OOC, but his circumstances have changed. His parents died in a freak car accident nine years ago - he didn't find his father murdered in a driveway or see the remains of his mother being brought back from Cabeswater. He's still kind of a surly dick, but he's also more open with his feelings.


	5. So...Yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan takes Adam to a graduation party...it's clearly not a date...or maybe it is.

Ronan was questioning all his life choices as he stood on Adam’s front porch. In particular, he was wondering why he would have ever let Noah pick his clothes out for him. He was wearing one of Declan’s white undershirts, which was at least a size too small, a pair of light blue jeans with frayed hems, and his black pair of Docs. It wasn’t a terrible outfit, but he was pretty sure his nipples were visible through the thin material. Noah kept looking at Ronan suspiciously while Ronan dressed, as Ronan generally didn’t care what he looked like. Ronan had decided to keep his not-date with Adam to himself until he actually showed up at the party with Adam. Adam had hours upon hours to have changed his mind about going.

Ronan knocked on the door. Colin answered, he half blocked the door, clearly not an invitation for Ronan to come in.

“Ronan, Ronan Lynch, its, uh…ummmm.” Ronan said, holding his hand out to Colin.

Colin took it, scrutinizing Ronan, like he knew Ronan from somewhere.

“I uh saw the car outside. That’s an interesting car choice….”

Ronan swallowed, noticing Colin looked unimpressed.

“Well, so…well…I’m nineteen, traveled around a lot as a kid, been in Seattle for going on three years. I never drink and drive, so Adam is in good company. I’ll make sure Adam is safe for the next seven to eight hours.” Ronan prattled on.

“I trust Adam to make good choices.” Was all Colin offered.

“OK, yeah, Adam has a good head on his shoulders. Is he here?” Ronan asked, he could almost feel the sweat seeping through his shirt. 

“Adam.” Colin bellowed.

Adams skipped down the stairs, brushing his eternally messy hair out of his face. He was wearing khaki shorts, loafers, and a blue button down, short sleeve shirt, that brought out the blue of his eyes. Ronan had to resist the urge to groan, as he was going to have to figure out a way to not stare at Adam’s gloriously tan calves all night.

“Hey Ronan.” Adam said, letting his southern drawl come through.

“Parrish.” Was all Ronan said, willing himself not to flush.

“I just need to grab my house keys out of the kitchen, will you hold this?” Adam asked, as he handed Ronan his yearbook.

Ronan took the object, their hands brushed lightly, Ronan was pretty sure he could die happy right then.

Adam came back with his keys, told his uncle he’d call if he’d be back after dawn, and turned to Ronan to leave.

It took Colin a few minutes after the boys left for him to place Ronan. Ronan was one of Niall Lynch’s demon offspring. Colin narrowed his eyes at the tail lights of Ronan’s car going down the street.

 

*******

 

Ronan resisted the urge to open the car door for Adam. He never mentioned this being a date to Adam, so he probably shouldn’t act like it was. That would definitely be a scam. The two boys sat awkwardly in the car. Ronan wished they could get the few minutes of easiness back from their phone call earlier that afternoon.

Adam leaned forward and picked up Ronan’s C.D. case and started to flip through it, making a weird face.

“Anything you like?”

“Ummm, honest…I don’t even know who half these artists are. I don’t listen to a lot of music. I saw The Counting Crows in concert last year with Gansey. That was kind of fun.” Adam shrugged.

Ronan forced himself not to roll his eyes. That sounded like a very Gansey thing to do, go to a lame mainstream concert. Half of what Ronan talked about was music, it didn’t sound like Adam was very interested. Or maybe Adam just hadn’t had the chance to explore it.

“I guess that’s something we’ll have to change this summer.” Ronan smiled.

Adam glanced at Ronan. Was he wearing that t-shirt too small on purpose? Was he trying to expose his chest hair in the V of the t-shirt? Was he trying to outline his biceps through the thin white material of the t-shirt? Did he not shave today on purpose, or was he just lazy? Did he usually have black fingernails, or was he just humoring his niece? Adam realized he had been staring too long.

“Um, would it be terrible if I wanted to go home early?” Adam asked, as he turned his gaze to the passenger side window.

“No.” Ronan replied simply.

Ronan leaned over to turn the stereo on, and immediately turned it off when he realized it was a Rage Against the Machine track playing that probably didn’t make the best first impression.

“So…” Ronan trailed off, thankful it was only a ten minute drive to Orla’s house in the suburbs. 

“Yeah…” Adam said.

The rest of the ride was made in silence.

 

*******

 

Once again, Ronan avoided the temptation of opening the door for Adam when they arrived at Orla’s. Blue had given Ronan the code to the back gate, so he could park in one of the back garages. Ronan followed Adam up to the house.

“Hey Ro,” Cheng Two yelled happily when Adam and Ronan walked in the door.

“Lynch…nice.” Skov saluted, then shotgunned a beer as Adam and Ronan made their way through the massive living room.

Adam took notice that a least a dozen people recognized and greeted Ronan as they made their way through the crowd. Most of the party-goers looked at Adam like he was a fascinating animal outside of its natural habitat. Adam was unprepared for the pleasant feeling of having Ronan right behind him, not pressing against him, but definitely inside of his personal space. He could smell Ronan, moss and leather, and Adam wasn’t sure if it was Ronan, or Ronan’s aftershave, but it’s mildly intoxicating. 

A very tall woman with unnaturally red hair piled up in a bun with chopsticks walked up to Adam and Ronan. She looked to be in her mid to late twenties and was absolutely stunning, even with her bulbous nose. She was wearing a tight, navy, silk dress, with a print of tiny cherry blossoms all over it.

“Ronan, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” The woman cooed.

“Hey, Orla.” Ronan responded, sounding resigned.

“So, have you changed your mind about, you know?” Orla smirked.

“Still pretty sure I didn’t have a say in the matter.” Ronan responded, good naturedly.

“Oh well, doesn’t hurt to check. Who is this?” Orla asked, somehow looking down at Adam, even thought they were at eye level.

“This is Adam Parrish. Parrish, this is Blue’s cousin, Orla.” 

Orla gave a knowing smile, and Ronan gave Orla a threatening glare from behind Adam.

“Hey Ronan, I kinda need you to be the keymaster. Blue was going to do it, but she saw Gansey, and is three beers in.” Orla rolled her eyes.

Orla handed the bag to Ronan before he could protest. And then she was gone, she had left Ronan with a black pillow case, heavy with keys.

“Keymaster?” Adam asked.

“I have to keep everyone’s keys and judge who can drive home, and who can’t at the end of the night.” Ronan griped.

“So, it’s like an honor?”

“No.” Ronan said with a finality in his tone which prevented further questioning.

Just then Kavinsky pinned Ronan to the wall, which was impressive because Kavinsky was six inches shorter, and forty pounds lighter than Ronan.

“Hey there cum guzzler.” Kavinsky said affectionately, as he let go of Ronan.

Kavinsky was clearly high, but judging by the smell, it was most likely just weed. Weed high Kavinsky could be tolerable in small doses.

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle, K.” Ronan responded, pushing Kavinsky back, but not violently.

“Fuck you.” Kavinsky said with no heat. “I saw you’re here with Parrish.” 

“You are fucked up, he’s literally right next to you.” Ronan said, as he turned Kavinsky to face Adam.

Adam had never been this close to Joseph Kavinsky. Everything about him was horrible and despicable. From the ridiculous ski cap, to the swishy track suit, to the fact Kavinsky was wearing sunglasses, inside, at night, in Seattle. Adam was pretty sure he saw a gold cap on one of Kavinsky’s incisors. He just screamed douchebag. For the first time since Ronan had picked him up, Adam was doubting Ronan’s character. Why would he be so cordial to a creep like Joseph Kavinsky?

“Ah, hey there Parrish. Fuck, you are pretty. OK, I kinda get it Lynch.” Kavinsky said good naturedly “Where’s Proko?” Kavinsky yelled, and moved back to the crowd.

Adam and Ronan stood there awkwardly for about thirty seconds.

“Yeah, so I should probably go check on Blue.” Ronan said, the tips of his ears, and his cheeks clearly pink.

“Hey there Adam.” Jiang said at the very moment Ronan started to back away. “You have to be my wingman. Mindy is only going to hook up with me if she doesn’t have to leave Kelly alone.”

Adam looked over to Ronan, Ronan just shrugged, and Adam let himself be pulled away.

Ronan wasn’t sure why he thought this was a good idea. He thought maybe he was getting, something, from Adam, but he didn’t even think Adam was into guys. And even if he was, why would he like someone like Ronan?

Ronan made his way through the party and was stopped by Sick Steve, who was very clearly drunk.

“Hey Ronan.” Steve slurred. “I know we aren’t like really friends or whatever, but I have to know. How did you get Parrish here?”

“I called him, on a phone.” Ronan said, trying not to sound annoyed as he was.

“Yeah, OK, but why did that work? Adam doesn’t like hang out with anyone from school.” Steve declared, taking another drink from his red Solo cup.

“I guess it must be my sparkling personality.” Ronan grunted, wanting this conversation to be over.

Ronan started to walk away, sighed, and backed up.

“Keys?” Ronan asked, as he held the pillow case for of keys out.

Steve tossed his keys in, burped loudly, and then wandered off toward the living room.

 

*******

 

Ronan found Blue in the family room on the basement level. She was strumming a guitar and was surrounded by about fifteen party-goers, all who looked at her like she was the fucking Dali Lama. Ronan felt a little better that Noah was there with her. He wouldn’t let her get too carried away.

“I wrote a song about him.” Blue whined. “I wasted almost my entire senior year on that asshole. I wrote a song for that asshole!”

Blue took a drink of something orange. A screwdriver maybe? Ronan hoped it was just orange juice, but Blue looked pretty wrecked.

“Ronan, my hero!” Blue yelled happily.

Ronan just nodded.

“Ronan, do you want to hear my song?” Blue slurred.

Ronan’s jaw clicked. He had heard Blue’s song, about a hundred times now. He hated being in this position. Blue was his best friend, but he was also friends with Gansey, and the reason they broke up was so fucking stupid he could barely stop himself from scolding them both for being idiots.

“Maybe later Sargent.” Ronan said, not unkindly.

Gansey walked in at that moment. Ronan cursed inwardly. How was he supposed to win over Adam if he never got to spend any actual time with Adam?

 

*******

 

Luckily for Adam, Kelly went off with Seth something-or-another about two minutes after he was forced to make awkward conversation with the empty-headed brunette. She was regaling her favorite episode of 90210 when the point guard of the basketball team, Seth, made off with the head cheerleader, Kelly. Adam was happy to just wander around the party. He headed toward the kitchen to get another soda, when he ran into Henry Cheng.

“Parrish, you made it!” Henry asked, seemingly genuinely happy to see Adam, even though Adam doesn’t recall ever talking to the tall Asian boy with spikey hair, and both ears sporting obnoxiously large diamond stud earrings.

“Umm, yeah. You seen Ronan?” Adam asked.

Henry’s mouth hung open.

“You are here with Lynch?”

“I mean ‘with’ might be a strong word, but I did physically come here with him.” Adam explained.

“Ha…Blue owes me twenty bucks.” Henry smiled. “I saw him head downstairs. And then I saw Gansey head that way. And I know Blue is down there, so entering Thunder Dome probably isn’t your best recourse right now.” 

Adam strained his hearing ear, and could hear some raised voices, including what he thought was Ronan.

“Hey, sign my yearbook?” Henry asked holding his yearbook out to Adam.

Adam held his out to Henry, and they exchanged books.

 

*******

 

“Come on old man, let’s go upstairs so everyone can calm down.” Ronan suggested.

“I will not…I will not…let her.” Gansey pointed at Blue, flustered. “I will not let her slander me like this.” 

“It’s not slander if you are actually an asshole.” Blue pointed out.

“Seriously, I’m fucking sick of listening to both of you bitch about it. You broke up like a week ago, over something kind of stupid. Either make-up, or shut up.” Ronan declared, as he rubbed his temples.

Blue had the decency to look mildly chastened. Gansey just shrugged, and went back upstairs.

“I’m sorry Ro, I’m totally ruining your night.” Blue said.

Ronan held up the pillow case full of keys.

“I think the night’s already been ruined. I left Adam up there, with Jiang.” Ronan sighed.

“Shut the fuck up. You didn’t think to lead that you came here with Adam!” Blue exclaimed, momentarily forgetting her own heartbreak.

“Awe, Blue, you owe Henry twenty bucks now.” Noah happily exclaimed.

Ronan raised an eyebrow. 

“I didn’t think you would actually call him. Henry apparently has more faith in you than I do.” Blue shrugged, as she took another drink of what was clearly not orange juice.

“Is that fucking Tang with Vodka?” Ronan asked, disgusted.

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” Noah explained, taking a drink of his own Tang concoction.

Ronan didn’t want to think about what Blue and Noah’s vomit was going to look like in a few short hours.

 

*******

 

Henry wondered off shortly after signing Adam’s yearbook and Adam spent the next half hour making small talk with other party goers, waiting for Ronan to find him. He witnessed a boy and girl he vaguely recognized get into a very loud argument, most likely a break up.

Adam decided to go out on the back patio and get some fresh air, hoping Ronan would be able to find him. He ran into Tad Carruthers, but wasn’t able to make his escape back into the house before Tad noticed him.

“Hiya Adam, great speech this morning.” Tad said enthusiastically.

“Thanks Tad. Have you seen Ronan?”

Tad looked confused.

“Why would you care where Ronan is? I didn’t even know you knew him.” Tad asked suspiciously.

“Well, he’s kind of my date, and we got separated.” Adam said matter-of-factly, hoping to get rid of Tad.

“Oh, well, that’s cool. I didn’t know you were like, you know…” Tad trailed off.

“Yeah, well, I am.” Adam said coolly.

Adam had known he was bisexual since he was twelve or thirteen. His equal attraction to both Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford in the Star Wars movies was his first clue. His second clue, much more definitive, was this evening, being so close to Ronan. Wanting to touch Ronan. It was purely physical. He didn’t know anything about Ronan except that Ronan appeared to be reluctantly popular, had terrible taste in music, and seemed to ramble when he was nervous. Ronan also seemed to be pretty obviously into Adam.

Adam had never really hid his sexuality, but always felt it was more of a private matter. His uncle didn’t seem to care one way or another, and he didn’t really talk to his classmates. Adam assumed he would never see most of them again after tonight, so he decided to throw caution to the wind. Plus, Adam knew Tad had a giant, annoying, crush on him, so it’s not like Tad was going to care.

“So, are you and Ronan like together?” Tad asked, self-consciously.

“What? No, I mean this is our first date.” Adam said.

And at that moment Ronan came up behind Adam, and offered him a ginger ale. Adam smiled, taking the glass.

“Oh, hey Ronan.” Tad said nervously.

“Be gone.” Ronan barked.

Tad, practically squeaked, and then ran off to his friends.

“That was kind of mean.” Adam said, not disapprovingly.

“Yeah, well he fucking ratted on me about having booze on school grounds last year, and I almost got expelled over a six pack of pink lemonade wine coolers that I got for Sargent with my brother’s ID. I’m still kind of holding a grudge.” Ronan said, as he took a drink of his Coke.

“Oh, I remember hearing something about that. Wine coolers, that must have been embarrassing.” Adam smirked, finally getting a chance to look at Ronan directly for the first time since arriving at the party.

Ronan looked back for a moment, and then glanced away.

“So…you said something about a date.”

“Ummm…yeah…I just wanted Tad off my back. He’s been following me around like a love sick puppy for three years. I just can’t be into him like that.” Adam explained.

“Right, well I’m going to see if I can find Henry. I need to ask him about….something.” Ronan said, as he walked away from Adam.

Adam just stood there dumbly, he didn’t really understand anything that had transpired.

 

*******

 

Ronan walked around to the front of the house to get some fresh air, away from Adam. This whole evening had been one constant mind fuck for Ronan. He thought he was getting something from Adam, that maybe Adam was interested, but then Adam seemed annoyed with Ronan for some reason. And, then the way Adam said he wasn’t into Tad, sounded an awful like he wasn’t into guys. Ronan wished for just a moment that people were required to carry around some sort of placard with their sexual identity written on it. Being gay was a fucking headache sometimes. Still, Ronan knew he had it better than a lot of people did. He was only hiding from his older brother, and he wasn’t even positive he needed to do that.

Just as he was about to go back into the house, his guidance counsellor, Calla Johnson, pulled up at the main gate and got out of her Ford Escort.

“Mr. Lynch, just who I was trying to track down.” Calla smiled wickedly.

“How the fuck did you even find me?” Ronan asked incredulously.

“It’s Orla’s fucking graduation party, where else would all of you shits be?”

“Fair point. What do you want with me?”

“Remember when you told me to ‘fuck off’ when I asked you about college?”

“Yeah.” Ronan said wearily.

“And you remember how I said it would be a waste of a brain for you to spend it getting it kicked in by other assholes?”

“Yes.” Ronan said, a little more pissily.

“Well, I took the liberty to apply on your behalf to some schools.

“What the fuck, what gave you’re the right?” Ronan practically yelled.

“Don’t you talk to me in the tone, Snake.” Calla hissed. “Relax. I saw how bored you were in all those college recruitment seminars. I know being a doctor, lawyer, or anything remotely to do with a suit isn’t in the cards for you. I applied for some art schools, and schools with solid fine arts undergrad programs.”

“How did you even do that? You don’t have access to my work. I don’t even have a portfolio.” Ronan said testily.

“Your brother helped me.”

“Right, makes sense.” Ronan said bitterly.

“Anyway, you got in.” Calla said, handing Ronan a stack of what he assumed were acceptance letters.

“You got waitlisted at a few of the top tier schools, good test scores don’t really balance out mediocre grades. There are a few where you have been accepted for the spring semesters depending on an in-person interview. The Birmingham School of Arts is probably your best bet. They seem very interested in you.” Calla said, getting a grip on her previous anger.

Ronan just stared at the stack of letters. He didn’t think his painting was any more than a hobby. He had never shown any of his work outside of art class, outside of his public school art class. It was something private he did, to work out all his garbage. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Ummm, thanks. I promise I will take a look at this.” Ronan said with uncharacteristic humility in his tone.

“OK. You call me if you have any questions.” Calla said, and got in her car before Ronan could say anything else to piss her off.

 

*******

 

When Ronan came back in the house he saw Adam was backed up against the wall, looking uncomfortable as fellow nerd, Sheila, talked Adam’s ear off.

“I know we were ‘all competitive’ this year, but I just want to say that if it hadn’t been for ‘Adam Parrish,’ I probably wouldn’t have gotten into Cornell. You made me study like twice as hard. So, thanks.” Sheila drunkenly slurred.

“Ummm, yeah, you did the same for me.” Adam said, trying to remember Sheila’s name and recall if they ever had any classes together.

“Wow, thanks. So, how did you end up here with Ronan Lynch? I mean, really.” Sheila said a little meanly.

“I dunno, I guess he made me laugh.” 

Adam caught Ronan’s eye and waved at him, motioning for him to come over. Ronan nodded his head back toward the family room. He needed to check on Blue again. Adam tried not to be too disappointed, or think too much on why Ronan had seemingly been avoiding him all night. He made his excuse to get away from Sheila so he could check in with his uncle.

 

*******

 

Adam found a dark, and mercifully, empty bedroom upstairs, to call his uncle.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Things are good, but I think I will probably be back after dawn, if that’s OK…sure…I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Just as Adam hung up the phone in the dark bedroom, he saw two boys come into the room, practically connected at the lips, and other places. He stared for longer than was probably appropriate, as he watched who he recognized as Henry Cheng push a smaller boy, Noah something, onto the bed. Just as Henry leaned over to continue kissing Noah, Adam cleared his throat. The two boys parted immediately.

“Jesus, Parrish, you scared the shit out of me.” Henry gasped.

Noah leaned over and turned the night stand lamp on.

“Oh, hi Adam. Ummm, you aren’t going to say anything, right?” Noah asked.

“No, I mean why would I?” Adam asked, honestly.

“I mean you seem cool, coming here with Ronan and all, but Henry’s Mom would not be happy about…this…” Noah finished, embarrassed for Henry.

Henry looked, was it frightened? Adam swallowed.

“Hey Henry, I don’t care if you are with Noah. It’s totally fine with me. I mean I’m bi, what would I care for?” Adam said kindly.

It was the first time he had ever uttered the word ‘bi’ out loud.

“Oh, that’s cool. Maybe you should tell Ronan that.” Henry smirked.

“Yeah, you would save that dude a major coronary, I mean unless you aren’t interested, then maybe you shouldn’t say anything.” Noah offered.

“Yeah, Ronan…it’s been a weird night.” Adam admitted.

 

*******

 

Ronan found Blue out in the garage, getting what thankfully looked like a bottle of water out of the garage refrigerator. 

“Hey shorty, how are you doing?” Ronan asked, concerned.

“Terrible, I think I already have a hangover and I’m still drunk.” Blue whined, rubbing her head.

Gansey came out, hanging by the door leading into the house. Ronan walked over to him.

“I get it man, but just leave her along tonight. She’s not in any shape to have the talk you two need to have. OK?” Ronan asked of Gansey.

“But, if she would just listen to me.” Gansey pleaded.

“Hey, you leave her alone the rest of the night, and I promise to get her to talk to you. deal?” 

Gansey nodded in agreement, and turned to go.

“Come on maggot, let’s get you in the house.” Ronan said, as he wrapped his flannel shirt over Blue’s shoulders before he led her into the house.

Once they were back inside, Ronan saw Adam come down the stairs. Their eyes met briefly, and Adam went off in the opposite direction.

“You checking up on him lover boy?” Blue cooed drunkenly.

“Yes, I am keeping track of him. I don’t think he likes me much though.” Ronan admitted.

“I think he does, and he’s freaked out.” Blue whispered, losing her balance for a second. “I wish more boys were like you.” Blue finished sleepily.

Ronan just picked Blue up and carried her back to the locked guest house, put her to bed, and locked up behind him. Orla had given him a key to it the day he turned eighteen, which Ronan still thought was creepy, a year and a half later.

 

*******

 

Ronan found Adam sitting in one of the lounge chairs by the pool, not looking sleepy, but maybe contemplative. Ronan sat down next to Adam. Adam just lolled his head over to Ronan and smiled. Ronan felt something more than desire pooling in his stomach. He hoped Adam’s smile was because of him.

“So, crazy night, we can finally talk.” Ronan said nervously.

At that moment, Orla came bursting out from the side of the house in an obnoxiously small, orange, bikini, followed by at least thirty party guests in various states of undress.

“Come on, last one in is a loser.” Orla yelled happily, and jumped into the heated pool.

The other kids start jumping into the pool, water splashed onto Ronan and Adam, but not enough to make either of them move. They sat in compatible silence for the next half hour. Ronan didn’t really want to be separated from Adam again, and it appeared Adam didn’t want to be separated from Ronan either.

After about ten minutes of watching their half drunken peers splash around in the pool, Gansey came out and sat on Ronan’s lap.

“Hey there geezer, buy a guy a drink first.” Ronan joked.

“So, I’m single now, I hate it.” Gansey slurred, clearly very drunk.

“You are single because you are being stubborn. You are miserable. Blue’s miserable. And, I’m kind of miserable having to be the go between.” Ronan stated.

“She just doesn’t understand. Oh, hi Adam.” Gansey smiled lopsidedly at Adam. “She’s just not going to understand.”

Adam gave a small wave.

“Why don’t you try to understand where she is coming from? That is your biggest fucking problem, you have no perspective on anything.” Ronan declared, exasperated.

“I’m gonna find Adam, he’s on my side.” Gansey complained, getting off of Ronan and heading back into the house.

Ronan was going to follow him, but then he saw Noah grab Gansey’s elbow, but not before he gave Ronan and obnoxious ‘thumbs up.’ Ronan glared.

“What is their deal?” Adam asked, curiosity finally getting the better of him. 

“Gansey offered to pay Blue college tuition, and it turned into an argument about property ownership, and I think the word ‘prostitute’ ended up getting thrown in at some point.” Ronan said with a shrug.

Adam winced.

“It’s just Gansey, he doesn’t think. It always comes from a good place. I mean you’d have to be a halfway decent person to put up with my bullshit.”

“I don’t know, you don’t seem so bad.” Adam replied, studiously not looking at Ronan.

Ronan blushed, that sounded dangerously close to flirting. He wished he had a beer instead of a bag of keys. He was inconsolably nervous, so afraid to say the wrong thing. Saying the wrong thing had been a curse he had born since he had learned how to speak. The whole evening had been so chaotic, he forgot he was supposed to be impressing Adam. Instead, he had been acting like the complete spaz he was.

Before Adam or Ronan could say anything else, Kavinsky came out, and sat on Ronan’s lap. It was less cute than when Gansey had done it five minutes previously.

“Come on Ro, let’s get out of here.” Kavinsky slurred, touching Ronan’s chest.

Ronan pushed Kavinsky off him, and hoped Adam hadn’t read more into the action than necessary.

“Do I have your keys, shithead?” Ronan barked at Kavinsky, who was sprawled out on the patio.

“Fuck…I think so. I remember Proko taking them from me.” Kavinsky slurred.

“You need to go find your minions to get your drunk ass home.” Ronan advised.

“You don’t want to give me a ride?” Kavinsky leered.

Ronan visibly shuddered. But then he helped Kavinsky up, and let Kavinsky put an arm around his waist. Luckily, Skov and Swan came out and took Kavinsky of his hands. Ronan looked over to see Adam looking at him, a complicated look on his face.

 

*******

 

The party finally started to wind down. It was five am and Ronan doled out keys and helped Orla to set up carpools, and call cabs. Finally, just as the sun was coming up, all the keys had been doled out, with exception of Tad Carruthers’ keys. Everyone knew they were Tad’s keys because Tad had one of those wooden cutouts of his name made into a keychain. Because, of course he did. They found the boy fast asleep on the floor of Orla’s pool house bathroom.

“God dammit” Ronan muttered, picking Tad up with little to no effort. “So, Parrish, you feel like a drive so we can figure out where this little fucker lives?”

“Sure.” Was all Adam offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I kind of like how this turned out, but then I kind of don't...it's kind of a mess! 
> 
> As always, thanks for any feedback.


	6. I'm Really Glad We Did This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan figure out what to do with Tad, and talk about some things. The awkwardness continues!

Ronan and Adam drove Tad Carruthers around for over an hour, waiting for Tad to sober up enough to tell them where he lived. Ronan would have been furious, but it was giving him an excuse to spend additional time with Adam. The sky was dusky from the rising sun, Adam’s profile in the early morning light was possibly one of the most beautiful things Ronan had witnessed. Ronan realized he should pay more attention to the road, and less on the halo of light around Adam’s fair face.

“I swear he’s doing it on purpose.” Ronan muttered.

Adam looked in the back seat where Tad looked out the window, drunken incomprehension written all over his face. Adam momentarily felt a small measure of pity for Tad. Tad wasn’t a terrible person, he was just fundamentally unlikable.

“I don’t think he is.” Adam smiled.

“So, how much did you hate your first high school party? Too used to stuffy cheese and wine tastings with the college folk?” Ronan declared in what was supposed to have been an affluent accent.

“I’m going to forget about that last part because you are obviously tired, and cranky, and had to carry around a bag of keys all night instead of a beer.” 

Ronan looked at Adam out of the corner of his eye, Adam held a tiny smile to his lips that made Ronan’s stomach do all sorts of stupid acrobatics. Ronan wondered briefly if Adam understood the power he possessed in that small, soft, smile. Did Adam realize how easily he could use that smile to twist Ronan’s soul, to cause him unbearable pain, or unexplainable joy, with just the workings of a few facial muscles?

“Seriously, did you have fun?” Ronan asked.

“It was fun. Your friends are something else.” Adam laughed.

“I know, but I didn’t think I’d find people who I could be myself around. I’m grateful, even though they are all terribly high maintenance.” Ronan smiled.

“Have you been yourself around me?” Adam asked, sincerely, shyly.

Why did Tad fucking Carruthers have to be in the back seat? Ronan wanted to pull the car over, fuck the seven am traffic. He wanted to kiss Adam, to profess his love, swear his fealty. He wanted to be open and vulnerable, and bleed his feelings all over this brilliant boy next to him.

“I think so. I mean, I make it a point not to lie.” Ronan said simply. “What about you?”

“I don’t even know who I am half the time.” Adam said absently.

Ronan wasn’t sure if he was supposed to have heard Adam’s confession, so he hummed absently, while silently thanking his God for making Adam's accent more pronounced when he was tired.

Adam appreciated Ronan’s tact. Tact and Ronan were two words rarely entwined in a sentence together without a negative attached to it. Adam generally kept his feeling close to him. He was unfailing polite, but he had been accused of being frigid, cold, callous in the past. He wasn’t sure why he felt he could be so relaxed and honest with Ronan. He had not quite spent ten hours with the delightfully strange boy sitting next to him, but he felt a sense of loyalty and security he had rarely known his life. He felt like he could say anything to Ronan, and Ronan would at least attempt to understand.

“Guys.” Tad yelled suddenly. “It’s right up ahead.” Tad pointed to small red bungalow. 

Ronan stopped abruptly in front of the house. Tad got out.

“I’ll see you guys later.” Tad chirped.

Ronan just flipped Tad off and sped away. Adam laughed.

“That was mean.”

“You laughed. Tad is the fucking worst. I hope I never see him again.”

“I dunno, I think he might have a thing for you now.” Adam teased.

“Ummm…no, I’m pretty sure it’s still you he’s been mooning over since the earth was formed.” Ronan laughed.

“Well, the moon was created after the earth…so…”

“Shut up brainiac. So, since you carried your yearbook around all night like a nerd, you get any words of wisdom?”

“Well, let’s see: ‘Glad I finally met you,’ ‘You always seemed nice,’ ‘Wish we could have gotten to know one another.’ – yeah that’s pretty much the whole book. Well, it looks like Tad wrote his phone number, so maybe you were right. Your friends wrote nicer things I guess.”

“Mine is filled with obscenities and crude drawings of dicks. I wouldn’t overthink it.” Ronan advised.

“It’s just weird, no one knew me before today. I mean, I’m not an idiot. I know my speech was terrible. I don’t know any of these people at all. I mean you and I went to school for two and half years, and I had to get out last year’s year book to look you up. That’s on me, not you. We could have been friends all this time, and I just threw it all away. For what?”

“Friends, yeah.” Ronan said, pulling into a Seven-Eleven about four blocks from Adam’s house. “You need anything to help with your existential crisis? Slurpee, Twizzlers, coffee, a forty?” Ronan asked like he was joking, but his eyes betrayed his honest concern.

“Coffee, black. Maybe a donut, I’m kinda hungry.” Adam said as he yawned.

Ronan came out with his high calorie bounty to witness Adam stretching next to the passenger’s side of the car. Ronan could make out only about an inch of bare stomach as Adam’s arms raised over his head to stretch, but what an inch of bare stomach it was. They stood awkwardly in the parking lot at a little after seven in the morning, awkwardly catching glances of one another. Adam wolfed down his donut, Ronan ate a hot dog, because why not? When they were done eating, Ronan suggested they just walk back to Adam’s house, giving him an excuse to spend more time with Adam.

“So, what you were saying before,” Ronan began. “We are teenagers. We aren’t supposed to have everything figured out. I spent a ton of time with these assholes, and you weren’t really missing out on anything. They know you now, I know you now, or at least I’ve started to.” 

Ronan suddenly grabbed Adam’s arm about two seconds before Adam tripped over a broken chunk of concrete on the sidewalk. He reluctantly released Adam’s arm.

“Ummm…thanks. Jesus, I probably would have busted my face,” Adam began, almost shocked by Ronan’s quick reflexes. “I’m really glad we did this.”

Ronan glanced at Adam out of the corner of his eye. Adam had that same small smile; it said he found something delightful or amusing that he wanted to keep to himself for the time being. Ronan was OK with that. He wanted to give Adam everything, but he thought he could be more than happy to take what little bit Adam felt safe offering.

“So, it’s just you and your uncle, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a long, terrible story.”

“I’ve heard…rumors.” Ronan reluctantly admitted.

“Probably true. My Dad lost his mind, killed my Mom when I was twelve, and I got shipped off to my uncle’s. And the only reason my uncle took me was because of some stupid stipulation in his trust. I mean it’s not terrible. It’s better than before. Sorry, I shouldn’t be blathering on.” Adam sighed, having been up for twenty-seven hours at that point was getting to him.

“Hey, we all got shit. My parents died in a car accident when I was ten. My older brother had to take in a ten year old and five year old at the ripe old age of twenty.”

“No wonder he sounds like an asshole on the phone.” Adam laughed.

This made Ronan laugh as well. He hadn’t expected the reality of Adam Parrish to so fully exceed the fantasy.

“It has been a lot of fun hanging out with you. I’ve never gotten to hang out with anyone as unassuming as you.”

“Unassuming…OK.”

Adam realized his statement was construed as an insult by Ronan.

“So, what are you doing this summer?” Adam asked, trying to smooth things over.

“Hanging out with you.” Ronan said, as the two boys crossed the street leading to Adam’s house.

“Seriously.” Adam scoffed.

“Seriously. I want us to get to know each other before you leave.” Ronan said, in a surprisingly sober tone.

Adam looked over at Ronan, and any confusion about whether or not this was a date was gone. Ronan was definitely giving Adam a look that was making Adam’s stomach flutter. A flush rose in his cheeks, he had to look away.

“I’m only going to be here for twelve weeks.” Adam admitted.

“Twelve weeks is a long time.” Ronan proclaimed, hopefully.

“I suppose at our age it is. Call me tomorrow.” 

“It is tomorrow.” Ronan smiled.

“OK asshole, call me later today.”

They were standing awkwardly in front of each other outside of Adam’s house. Adam was half hoping Ronan would kiss him, but he didn’t think Ronan would. They had never clarified if this was a date verbally, and there had been too many mixed signals. Adam was about ninety-nine percent sure Ronan was into guys, specifically him, but he was not going to be the one to broach the subject, or make the first move. Besides, he had no business getting into anything with this gorgeous boy in front of him. Although, now Adam was looking at the thin silver ring threaded through Ronan’s lip, and wondered if it would be cold against his lips given the chill of the morning.

Ronan noticed Adam staring at his lips. He moved a little closer. He moved to maybe touch Adam’s hand, or maybe his cheek, but then Adam barreled into him, and wrapped his arms around Ronan’s neck. Before Ronan could appropriately react, Adam kissed Ronan on the cheek and ran into the house.

*******

 

“Morning.” Colin said, not looking up from his newspaper. “Have fun?”

“Yeah, I did. Ronan was pretty cool. I think we are going to hang out later.” Adam said, staring out the window, watching Ronan lightly rub the spot on his cheek where Adam had kissed him.

“Oh.” Colin said noncommittedly, but inside he was abruptly annoyed.

“Yeah, I like him. Goodnight.” Adam declared, and bound up the stairs to his bedroom before Colin could say anything.

Colin stood up and just glared at Ronan while looking out the window. He knew he didn’t really have any rational reason for hating this kid. Ronan looked like an empty-headed fuck-up who would milk off his trust his entire life. Colin had hated Niall Lynch enough though to pass the hatred along to his offspring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wanted to put this with the previous chapter originally, but I already felt like chapter five was too long. This is just more of a drabble. 
> 
> I promise to get the plot to actually move forward somewhat...this is a slowish burn, but not ridiculously slow...I don't think.


	7. It's Just Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan agrees to go to a dinner party, Adam thought for some reason it would be a good idea to invite Ronan to a dinner party.

Ronan and Adam talked sporadically over the next few days. Adam, ever the overachiever, was still working at his uncle’s gallery and volunteering at the community center over the summer. Adam wasn’t blowing Ronan off, the more he talked to Ronan, the more he wanted to talk to Ronan. Ronan wanted to talk to Adam too, so much so, Adam talked Ronan into installing AIM on his computer so they could instant message one another. Ronan was dubious about the concept. He had yet to use the stupid mobile phone Declan had thrust on him. His computer was just something taking up space in his bedroom. There was already a fine layer of dust on it from two weeks of disuse. Finally, Ronan caved when Adam suggested it would give them privacy. The idea of being alone with Adam, even if only through a series of ones and zeroes, deeply appealed to Ronan. He was even willing to deal with the grating dial up connection noise.

 **Parrisha:** you figure it out?

 **Graywaren69:** This is fucking stupid

 **Parrisha:** So, that’s a yes.

 **Graywaren69:** This seems like a lot of work. Why don’t I just come pick you up and we hang out at the skate park.

 **Parrisha:** It’s like 2 AM. I have to be up in five hours..I need my beauty rest. ;)

 **Graywaren69:** I don’t understand what that shit at the end means. You look fine without additional sleep…you really don’t need it, seriously. Fuck work. Your uncle said he was going to have to hire someone anyway, why not just let him hire someone now, and you can dick around with me.

 **Parrisha:** You are a terrible influence. I’ll think about it, but I have to go in tomorrow. I really just wanted to ask if you if you wanted to come over for dinner Friday night. My uncle is hosting a dinner party, and he said he’d like to get to know my friends.

 **Graywaren69:** This sounds like a trap…of some sort.

 **Parrisha:** Really, it’s just dinner – I thought we could hang out after.

 **Graywaren69:** Just the two of us?

 **Parrisha:** Yeah. :)

 **Graywaren69:** I still don’t know what that shit at the end means, but I’ll take it it’s good. I’ll see you on Friday, but I’m not wearing a fucking tie.

 

*******

 

“You agreed to what?” Blue asked, trying to get her laughter under control.

“You are fucked bro.” Henry said, as he joyously mocked sadness.

“Hey, you don’t know that.” Noah said.

“Ronan, you are meeting his family, this is like an audition. You are terrible with authority figures. You are so done.” Blue wiped a fake tear from her cheek.

Ronan sat next to Blue in one of the plastic booths that every McDonald’s has. He thoughtfully chewed on a now cold French fry. When he had agreed to the kind of odd request by Adam, he wasn’t even thinking about how bad he really was around adults. He could barely tolerate Declan, and Declan was only ten years older than him.

“Fuck.” Ronan muttered.

“You just need to relax. Just smoke up before you go in.” Noah said, smiling like he had clearly just lit up. It was probably why they were at McDonald’s, and probably why Noah was dunking his fries in his strawberry milkshake.

“Yes, I’m sure walking in there smelling like weed would do the trick, and this is Ronan we are talking about.” Blue said soberly.

Ronan had many vices and faults, but smoking pot was not one of them. The shit made him panicky and jittery. The last time he got high with Noah a couple years ago, he spent two hours convinced he was going to die if he ever fell asleep again. He preferred his poisons in liquid form.

“I just don’t get why Adam would invite you to dinner. He didn’t ask Gansey.” Henry added.

Blue scowled at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. 

“Whatever Blue, you and the old man will be back together before the fourth.” Ronan said confidently, grabbing one of Blue’s untouched nuggets.

“You know, maybe Adam likes you, in a more than friends way.” Noah offered.

This made Ronan blush, and curse is Celtic coloring. Blue squealed and wrapped herself against Ronan’s arm. He allowed the contact for about fifteen seconds before shaking her off.

 

*******

 

Ronan was a god damned liar. He was pacing back and forth in Adam’s bedroom. He was resisting the urge to loosen his tie. The tie he swore he wouldn’t wear. He felt overdressed in a black dress shirt, black slacks, and a blue tie. Declan had tried to make him wear a suit, but that was not going to happen. Adam was in his bathroom brushing his teeth while Ronan was left by himself, to panic.

“What color shirt do you think I should wear?” Adam mused from the bathroom.

“Does it matter?” Ronan asked honestly.

“I was just making conversation. You don’t have to be a prick about it.” Adam replied. He didn’t sound pissed, but there was definitely the aura of annoyance in his tone.

“I’m fucking nervous. And I’ve been told I’m kind of dick when I’m nervous.” Ronan muttered.

“Hey, really, this is no big deal. It’s just my uncle, a woman he works with at the gallery, and a couple a steady buyers. It will be fine.” Adam said, emerging from the bathroom in his undershirt. 

Ronan caught a glimpse of a constellation of previously unseen freckles along Adam’s collarbone. He studiously averted his gaze to biggest dictionary he had ever seen.

“This is a mother fucker of a dictionary.” Ronan said in awe, flipping through it.

“Yeah, it’s one of the first things Colin got me when I came to live with him. I used to have this thing with marking the words I looked up.” Adam said, only half embarrassed.

Ronan’s eyes widened as he flipped through the dictionary, a good chunk of the words had an “X” marked next to them. Ronan swallowed. Adam was way too smart to be hanging out with him. He looked up and Adam was buttoning up a grey dress shirt. Ronan briefly imagined being able to unbutton said shirt later.

“That’s a good shirt.” Ronan said, trying to force the dryness out of his mouth.

“Thanks.” Adam said, studiously avoiding Ronan’s roaming eyes. “Yours is too…your shirt I mean.” 

The doorbell rang.

“I guess we should, um, get downstairs.” Ronan said.

“Yeah.” Adam replied, not sounding like he wanted to go downstairs.

 

*******

 

Ronan was a bit of a wreck throughout dinner. Adam easily flowed from conversation about art and his volunteer work. Colin looked pleased by his nephew’s performance. Jeanine, the woman who worked for Colin at the gallery was in her early fifties, elegant, put together. The pair of Colin’s buyers had the stench of new money; flashy clothes, expensive jewelry, the unpracticed habit of talking about their money. Thankfully, Ronan had not been asked many questions. 

“So, Adam, what airline will they send you over on?” Jeanine asked kindly as they all took coffee at the dining room table after dinner.

“American, Mam.” Adam replied politely.

“Adam here is not the world’s greatest flyer, let me tell you. When he was thirteen…”

“Uncle.” Adam said as a mock warning.

“Now Adam, let me tell my story.” Colin said with a wink.

Something about the exchange seemed practiced, false. Ronan idly wondered how many times Adam and Colin had delivered this performance.

“If you insist, let me tell it then.” Adam said on cue.

“Well, let me start it at least. I’m flying down to Los Angeles on business, and I decide to take Adam along…”

“I mean I had been on a plane before, but this was the first time I was really aware of it, so I was pretty nervous.”

“Crash paranoia.”

“I had a checklist in mind. I thought that if babies were on the plan, the plane couldn’t crash. But then all of the babies were crying, and I thought they knew something I didn’t.” Adam supplied without hesitation.

“So, they closed the doors and Adam started to have a panic attack. It was a little terrifying to witness.”

“I just couldn’t calm down, so they ended up turning the plane around.”

“So, these two federal marshals meet the plane when it had landed, and they take our address. We were then asked never to fly again.” Colin finished.

“So you just never flew again?” Charles, the buyer, asked.

“No, I haven’t, but I guess I will have to now.” Adam sighed.

“Wow, that was quite a story. You two play off one another really well.” Ronan said, hoping it didn’t sound as insulting as he had intended it to.

“Thank you, Ronan.” Colin said politely, but also like he understood exactly what Ronan was getting at.

Ronan got up and started to pace a little, just to let loose some nervous energy. He had resisted what he usually did in situations like this, chewing on his leather bracelets, swearing, picking a fight, etc. His patience was waning though. This whole thing felt like a farce.

“So, Ronan, you graduated with Adam, correct?” Jeanine asked.

“Yeah.” Was Ronan’s only reply.

“What are your plans now then?” Maxine, Charles’s wife asked.

“Yes, what are your plans for the future?” Colin asked, suddenly interested.

“I guess hang out with Adam until he leaves.”

“Seriously.” Colin retorted.

“I’m very serious.”

“I meant with your life.” Maxine prodded, not unkindly.

“You mean as a career? I don’t know. I have thought about this quite a bit, and I’d have to say considering what’s waiting out there for me, I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or…process anything sold, bought or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed, you know, as a career. I don’t want to do that.”

The dinner guests exchanged nervous glances with one another, but Ronan forged forward. He was doing the nervous talking thing his friends had warned him about.

“My parents…they…um…took care of me financially before they died. I have time to figure things out. I’m not a lay about. I box, and read, and paint, and help take care of my niece, and I took a lot of classes with Adam, so I’m not a total idiot. I’m not sure what I’m good at yet, and I probably won’t figure it out tonight, so I’m going to hang out with Adam until he leaves, and then figure it out after that.”

The guests were a little stunned by Ronan’s impromptu monologue, but before anyone could say anything, there was a knock on the door.

Adam answered the door, and there were two men in suits standing there.

“Hello, what can we do for your gentlemen?” Adam asked politely.

“Mr. Colin Greenmantle?”

Colin stepped to stand beside Adam. Ronan was within earshot of the conversation.

“I’m agent Sims, and this is agent Talbot, we’re special agents for the F.B.I., and we’d like to inform you that you are under criminal investigation for illegal trafficking and money laundering. There is also a separate investigation with the IRS involving tax years 1986-1992.

Agent Sims tried to peek inside of the house, but Colin stood firmly in the doorway.

“I have guests.” Colin hissed.

“Understanding the following rights…” Agent Sims began.

“You need to speak to me lawyer.” Was all Colin would allow.

“So, you are refusing to answer our questions?” Agent Talbot asked.

“Just come to the gallery tomorrow, and I will answer whatever you want. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding, but I need to get back to my dinner guests.” Colin offered, trying not to sound as annoyed as he was.

“Mr. Greenmantle. I just wanted to let you know we will be contacting a number of your business associates, as well as friends and family.” Agent Sims provided.  
“Fine, this conversation is over.” Colin said, and shut the door.

Ronan looked at Adam’s frozen expression, and wondered what was going on in the boy’s head. Ronan wasn’t exactly surprised by anything of this. Colin Greenmantle was a piece of shit, and Ronan suspected Adam knew this. When everyone was back at the dinner table, Ronan regaled a story about him and Blue getting stuck in a truck stop bathroom together on an impromptu trip to Vancouver the previous summer. He looked foolish in the story, but it took everyone’s attention away from Adam and Colin.

Adam smiled gratefully at Ronan. Ronan decided he would do what he needed to in order to see that smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still following the plot of the movie...for the most part, the reason for the short chapters. I was going to cut this, but I love the whole bought/processed/sold speech that I directly took from the movie. It was one of my favorite things as a kid.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to leave feedback!


	8. Really Not Complaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is so desperate to hang with Adam that he offers to volunteer.

Another week went by of Adam and Ronan talking on the phone, or instant messaging one another into the wee hours of the morning. Ronan had convinced Adam to put his notice in at the gallery, which was just a technicality as Colin was already interviewing Adam’s replacement. They studiously did not talk about the agents who showed up the night of the dinner party. They also studiously did not talk about their feelings for one another. 

Ronan was in the process of trying to convince Adam to see him in person. Ronan was pretty sure Adam liked him as more than just a friend, but Adam was being hesitant about spending time with him. The rational part of Ronan’s brain understood this. Why set himself up for heartbreak when he knew Adam would be out of his life by the end of August? He supposed they could have a summer fling, but Ronan didn’t want casual with Adam. He wanted all of Adam, but he would gladly take whatever he could get right now, and worry about the fallout later.

“What about after work?” Ronan asked.

“I have to be at the community center by six. They are showing a movie in the gymnasium and I said I would help set up.”

“Do you want some company?” Ronan asked, hoping he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt.

“Sure, that should be interesting.” Adam said wryly.

 

*******

 

“You don’t like kids, do you?” Adam asked as he and Ronan set up chairs.

Ronan glared at Adam. Of course, Ronan liked kids. They were ticking time bombs of nervous energy who had no filters and caused chaos. Ronan loved kids. Opal was one of his favorite people, she was higher on the list of people he liked than Henry, maybe even Noah.

“I brought my niece and my younger brother with me. They are kids. It’s old people who creep me out.” Ronan admitted.

Ronan remembered being forced visit his father’s father as a kid. His grandfather was old school Catholic, practically wanted to bring the inquisition back. He was racist and mean, and on more than one occasion told Niall he better not be raising any dandies. Ronan hadn’t seen the old man since his father died, and Declan had never made them visit, which Ronan was eternally grateful for. That old bastard nearly made Ronan weep on more than one occasion, and he wasn’t nearly as tenderhearted and soft as Matthew was.

“So, you don’t like an entire group of people because what, they have grey hair, don’t move as well as you?” Adam asked, eyebrow raised.

“Hey, I could be wrong, I just haven’t had good experiences with the elderly. Kids are fucking awesome though.” Ronan said with a smile.

“It’s good you are enthusiastic about it, but maybe not swear when they start showing up, yeah?” Adam asked, smiling too.

“Yeah, sorry. We have a swear jar at home, it gets filled up pretty fast.” Ronan looked embarrassed.

“Well yeah, you and your brothers have filthy mouths. I’m pretty sure I just heard Opal say ‘shit.’”

Ronan’s face flushed even more, and Adam had to force himself not to think about how adorable it was. Ronan was all rusted barbed wire around anyone outside of his circle, but he was much softer around people he trusted. Adam wasn’t sure how he fell into this realm of trust so quickly, but he was aware of it enough to not take it for granted. His feelings for Ronan were complicated. He knew he wanted Ronan, physically, in a way he had never allowed himself to want anyone. He also knew how Ronan felt about him, and that Ronan’s feeling were quick and deep. Ronan was not something he could be flippant or casual about. 

Opal came running up to Ronan. She was supposed to have been helping Matthew set up the popcorn machine, but her hands were covered in oil, along with half her shirt, which would explain the swearing.

“The lid fell off,” was Opal’s only explanation.

Ronan just smiled, grabbed some napkins, wrapped them around his hand, took Opal’s greasy hand, and walked them to the restroom. When they came back, Ronan was wearing just a black tank, and Opal was wearing Ronan’s black t-shirt. It nearly hung to her ankles, but she looked incredibly pleased by the wardrobe change. Adam wasn’t entirely sure how appropriate it was for Ronan to be showing off that much bare skin, especially when there was a giant tattoo covering his back.

“Go on squirt, maybe not touch anything else until the movie starts.” Ronan advised.

Opal just smirked at Ronan knowingly, after glancing at Adam, then she pranced off to Matthew, leaving Ronan and Adam alone once again.

“What was the shit eating grin for?” Adam asked, in reference to Opal.

“Oh, she just thinks she knows the ways of the world.” Ronan said noncommittedly.

“So…the tattoo…” Adam trailed off.

“Oh, yeah. I guess it was me exorcising some demons.” Ronan muttered, embarrassed by how Adam was obviously staring at it.

“Did you design it?” Adam asked as he walked behind Ronan to see what he could without moving any of Ronan’s tank.

“Yeah.” Ronan said softly.

Adam almost touched it, but noticed how the back of Ronan’s neck was reddening. Adam was obviously making him feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t stop looking though. It was so dark and smooth, it was beautiful and terrifying. There were thorns and claws, as well as flowers and birds. They were all connected in a strange and abstract way where you weren’t sure if you were looking at the same thing twice. Adam wanted to know how far done it went. He stopped short of dragging his eyes all the way to Ronan’s jean clad ass.

“How long did it take.” Adam said, trying to clear his throat, and failing miserably.

“It covers my entire back. I had to go back four or five times for them to finish it. It pretty much ate up an entire day of my life, not that I generally have anything better to do.” Ronan admitted with more bravado than he felt.

“The art work is incredible.” Adam said, finally turning away.

“Thanks, I usually work with oils, so it was interesting working with just ink in the design.” Ronan explained as they set up the last of the chairs.

“Are you interested in art, like professionally?” Adam asked.

Adam realized he didn’t really know what drove Ronan. In the weeks they had spent time together, Ronan had made some offhanded comments about an artist he liked, or a style of painting he admired, but Adam didn’t know Ronan was artistic himself, or that he was as obviously talented as he was. Ronan continued to surprise Adam in the best possible ways.

“I dunno, haven’t thought about it much.” Ronan replied honestly. He hadn’t really thought about his art school applications since the day of graduation.

“I want you to meet someone.” Adam said suddenly, and took Ronan’s hand before he could talk himself out of it.

Adam led Ronan down a series of hallways until they got to the art room. When they entered, there was a boy a little younger than Matthew sitting in front of a canvas. Adam slowly walked up to the boy while Ronan hung back a little.

“Hey Ben, there is someone I wanted you to meet. He’s an artist too.” Adam said in a soft tone Ronan had never heard before. 

The boy looked up, dark brown eyes suddenly in awe of what was presumably Ronan’s tattoo.

“Hey Ben, I’m Ronan. What are you working on?” Ronan asked kindly, in a tone Adam had never heard before.

“Just my dog.” The boy said, a crude outline of dog on the canvas. “Adam, is this the boy you are always talking about?”

Adam flushed, and Ronan was pleased by the unfiltered honestly of youth.

“I just thought you and Ronan would have a lot in common. You going to watch the movie with us?”

“I guess. What do you make Ronan?” Ben asked as he put his supplies away.

“Yeah, what do you make Ronan?” Adam asked with equal curiosity.

“A little of this, a little of that. You should come over to my house Adam, check it out.” Ronan shrugged, thinking about all the time he had spent recently coming up with excuses for Adam to come to his house, possibly come into his bedroom.

“OK, I’d like that. An evening with the Lynch brothers. Could be fun.” Adam offered.

“Or, it could end up with a 911 call.” Ronan smiled his wolf smile.

“Would you two stop flirting? Let’s get this show on the road!” Ben explained, already making his way to where the movie was showing.

 

*******

 

“OK, how’s everyone doing? I’m Ronan, and we’re going to watch the movie _Milo and Otis_. I’ve never seen it, but I guess there is a dog and a cat in it, and that sounds cute, I guess. OK then.” Ronan finished, staring at forty kids and their parents, none of them seemed as interested in Ronan as Opal and Adam were.

Ronan started the projector and hurriedly moved to the back of the gym to sit by Adam.

“Good job Ronan.” Opal said encouragingly in between mouthfuls of popcorn as she sat in front of Ronan and Adam. Matthew manned the popcorn stand, looking bored with life, as everything thirteen year old did.

“Yes, good job Ronan.” Adam whispered, running his hand down Ronan’s bare arm.

Ronan would sit through a hundred movies about lost cats and dogs if it meant Adam would touch him like that more often.

 

*******

 

The next morning Adam had a rare free morning, and the two were sitting at a local diner. Ronan was in the process of inhaling the entire menu while Adam picked at his pancakes.

“I feel kind of guilty being with you. Selfish I mean. I feel like I’m monopolizing your time. I mean it’s not really fair to you.” Adam grumbled, slowing taking a bite of his pancakes.

“Really not complaining.” Ronan said, with a mouthful of eggs. 

Adam hated every sentence he was about to say, but after yesterday, he knew it needed to be said.

“I just don’t, don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I have so much going on right now. I have this theory of convergence, that good things always happen with bad things. But I know you have to deal with them at the same time, but I just, I mean I don’t know why they have to happen at the same time. I mean, I don’t know why, I just wish I could work out, am I babbling, do you know what I mean?” Adam babbled.

“No clue.” Ronan replied honestly.

“I just can’t really be anything with anyone right now, not socially.”

“Relax man, we are eating breakfast, not planning our wedding. We can be anti-social if you want.” Ronan replied, trying to keep his cool.

“So, we can be friends, right?” Adam asked, hopefully.

“I thought we already were.”

“I just didn’t want there to be like any mixed signals. I can’t really be in a relationship right now.”

And it was finally addressed. Adam and Ronan had avoided discussing the trajectory of their relationship since the graduation party. It had only been a couple of weeks, but things had definitely been headed towards being boyfriends. At least, that is what Ronan thought. He wasn’t pressuring Adam, but Adam had seemed receptive to all of Ronan’s subtle hints. This was the first time either of them had actually admitted that what they were doing was more than just hanging out.

“I don’t want to pressure you, but I want some clarification. Do you not want to be with me because you are leaving for school, because I’m a guy, or because I’m me?” Ronan asked, seriously.

“Definitely not the last two things. I’m bi, I am not adverse to dating boys at all, and you are…well…you are…I’m not really sure why you would be interested in me.” Adam finished lamely instead of telling Ronan he was the greatest thing to have ever happened to him.

“Fuck you.” Ronan said with no malice in his tone. “You know exactly why I like you, your fucking freckles being the least of the things I find distracting about you. Hey, I get it. You are leaving in ten weeks. But, it’s ten weeks. How about we just keep hanging out, and we can see where things go.” Ronan smiled confidently at Adam.

Adam just smiled shyly back and hummed while he stirred creamer into his coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we are going off the tracks from the film...basically because in the movie, there is this diner scene, and then like two other scenes, and then boring PG-13 movie sex. Ronan and Adam deserve more!
> 
> Thank you so much for the feedback. This really is silly fun for me. I know Ronan is a little ooc, but I don't feel emotionally empty after finishing a chapter of this.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving! I will be enjoying pizza and the dog show.


	9. It's Fine, Whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan takes Adam to a rave

Ronan wasn’t sure how he had talked Adam into it, but it was ten on a Saturday night and they were going to a rave. Ronan lived for techno music, but raves weren’t generally his thing. Too many sweaty, grinding, bodies. Too many glow sticks. Too many club girls trying to get into his pants. But, Adam had mentioned he had never been to one when they had been hanging out with Blue and Noah earlier in the week. Ronan took it upon himself to persuade Adam to attend. He could probably deal with the sweaty, grinding, bodies if Adam was one of them.

Adam slid into the BWM. He had yet to drive his own car, still not knowing how to drive a stick. Ronan said he would teach him, but Ronan seemed to enjoy driving him all over town. Adam turned to thank Ronan for the ride, but the words died in his throat.

Ronan Lynch was wearing black leather pants, and they were tight. Ronan Lynch was wearing a white wife beater that clung tightly to his, lean, but well-muscled torso. Ronan Lynch was wearing fucking eyeliner, and it looked good on him. Adam wasn’t sure how he was going to survive just being friends with Ronan Lynch. His attention was then caught by a metal ball peeking out from Ronan’s shirt.

“What did you do?” Adam gasped, surprised, as he pointed at Ronan’s chest.

“I got my nipples pierced.” Ronan muttered, a little flummoxed, as he noticed Adam pointedly staring at his chest.

“Why?” Adam asked while simultaneously thinking about drawing the metal bar into his mouth, and biting.

“Blue wanted to do it, but she got scared, so I went first. Talk about a fucking adrenaline rush.” Ronan barked, obviously pleased by the experience.

“Did she do it?” Adam asked, blushing.

“Yeah, I had to hold her hand though.” Ronan smirked as he backed the BWM out onto the street.

“Oh, so you saw her…” Adam trailed off.

“I thought we had established this, but I guess I never really came out and specifically said it. I’m gay Adam. Seeing Sargent’s breasts was about as exciting as seeing Gansey’s elbow. I’m mean it’s totally cool that you are into chicks too, but that is not my scene.”

“So, have her and Gansey made up yet? I’ve been so busy I haven’t really had time to catch up with Gansey at all.” Adam asked. He didn’t want to talk about Ronan’s sexuality anymore.

“She’s stopped referring to him as an asshole, so that’s a start.”

“Who’s going tonight? I mean, I’m not like crashing, right?” Adam asked nervously.

“Raves aren’t exactly exclusive, and I already told our friends you would be coming.” Ronan said reassuringly.

Adam noticed Ronan said “our” and not “his.” It gave Adam a warm happy feeling he had never had before.

Ronan glanced at Adam, surprised with how pleased and happy Adam looked. Less than three weeks ago, Adam looked so apprehensive that he was going to throw up when he got into Ronan’s car, and now he looked like Ronan’s car was his favorite place to be. His hair was messy, unkempt, and Ronan wondered if Adam did that on purpose. He wondered if Adam noticed how Ronan would ruffle his hair every chance he got. Adam was wearing a threadbare grey t-shirt and light blue jeans. Everything looked good on Adam, but this carefree, slightly disheveled, Adam, was Ronan’s favorite Adam.

 

***

 

The music was loud and pulsing as Ronan and Adam entered the abandoned warehouse. There was a sexually charged energy Adam had not been expecting. He felt a little sweaty and overwhelmed as he looked at interestingly clad party goers, but Ronan grabbed his hand unselfconsciously, and they moved through the crowd until they found their friends sitting on an old couch toward the back of the warehouse. Adam tried to focus on his racing pulse when Ronan laced their fingers together. It was such simple thing, hand holding. People did it all the time, but Adam doubted it felt like this, the way they were doing it.

“Ronan! Adam!” Blue called happily, as she jumped up into Ronan’s arms, forcing him to pick her up.

Ronan sat her down after a brief hug, and then surveyed Blue, Noah, and Henry.

“What the fuck are you idiots on?” Ronan asked, a little enviously.

“We dropped before we got here. You want?” Noah asked, fishing some squares of acid out of his pocket.

“Nah, I need to babysit you assholes. I’ll probably just have a couple beers.”

“Is it dangerous?” Adam asked, curiously.

“Good rule of thumb is to not just take drugs from anyone. But since we are friends, it is OK to take drugs from me. This shit kicks in pretty quick.” Noah said smiling, offering his hand out.

Adam looked at Ronan, hoping Ronan would make the decision for him.

“Man, this is up to you. You are an adult. I can say that Noah gets good shit. It’s not cut with speed or anything like that. It’s up to you, I’m OK either way.” Ronan replied to Adam’s unasked question.

Adam swallowed, and held out his hand. It was time he loosened up a little bit. Ronan decided it was going to be an interesting evening. Adam was normally so calculated in his decisions, and the Adam Ronan knew from school would never have done anything as reckless as take drugs at a rave. Ronan was a little nervous about the influence he had on Adam. Was Adam only doing this to impress him somehow? Ronan shook the thought from his mind, Adam had very clearly stated the boundaries of their relationship, he didn’t want to be with Ronan the same way Ronan wanted to be with him, so Adam was doing this because Adam wanted to, not because he was trying to get Ronan to like him more.

 

***

 

Ronan got his beer and wandered around a little bit while Adam and the rest of his friends enjoyed their trip. He didn’t want to kill their buzz, but he knew hanging out with people who were high when you weren’t high was not much fun. There was a guy who obviously flirted with him at the makeshift bar, well flirting made it sound innocent, the guy was very blatantly trying to pick Ronan up. Ronan was flattered, because the guy was very physically attractive, but Ronan had this odd feeling that he would be unfaithful to Adam somehow, even though Adam made it pretty obvious he only wanted to be friends. Friends didn’t look at each other the way he and Adam did though. 

Ronan decided he had spent more time and energy trying to figure out Adam’s feeling and intentions in the past three weeks, than he did on all his school work last year, which still wasn’t saying much. Ronan didn't like to overthink things, he was more of an 'ask questions later' kind of person. He couldn't do that with Adam though. Ronan could not make assumptions regarding Adam. He could not just show up at Adam's house. He had to plan things with Adam, take Adam's feelings into consideration. It was causing Ronan the unpleasant feeling of feeling introspective about his life. He didn't care for it.

He came back an hour later to find Adam on his side in Noah’s lap while Noah stroked Adam’s hair. Adam looked blissful. Ronan felt a stab of jealousy. Not because he thought Noah was after Adam or anything ridiculous like that. He just wished he was the one stroking Adam’s hair. Adam slowly opened his eyes and saw Ronan staring at him. He smiled in a way that made Ronan’s stomach drop and pool. Adam slowly sat up, and then looked at Ronan through hooded lids, the side of his mouth twisting in a smile that was strangely sexual. It made Ronan react in a very sexual way at least.

“Let’s dance.” Adam said, standing up, but then he lost focus on the movement of his hand for a moment.

Adam walked up to Ronan, definitely invading Ronan’s personal space. Adam ran his hand softly, slowly down Ronan’s torso, lightly grazing the metal bar piercing Ronan’s left nipple. Ronan was trying to control his breathing, trying to remember that Adam was clearly under the influence. Ronan had dropped acid enough times though that with the shit Noah got, it didn’t really cause the user to full on hallucinate so much as drop inhibitions and get caught up in moments. Ronan didn’t doubt that there was some part of Adam that wanted to touch him like this, but Ronan couldn’t take advantage, even if he could breathe in Adam’s soap and sweat with their current closeness.

Ronan took a small step back and led Adam to the main dance area. A Tori Amos dance remix was playing, and Adam seemed pleased to recognize the artist. Adam was dancing with Ronan in a very suggestive way, forcing Ronan to think about his third grade teacher, Mrs. Waschowski, who had been in her seventies and smelled like hard candy and talcum powder. It helped in subduing Ronan’s growing interest in Adam’s movements. Adam had his hands under Ronan’s t-shirt, Ronan’s belt was pressing into Adam’s stomach, and Ronan tentatively ran his fingers through Adam’s hair. Mrs. Waschowski was not being much help.

It was so warm, they were surrounded by so many bodies. Adam had one hand wrapped around the back of Ronan's slick neck, and the other rested firmly on Ronan's hip. Ronan felt a sense of panic. Adam was too close, he could make out the cracks of Adam's chapped lips, how Adam had a large freckle on the corner of his left brow, and he could feel Adam's breath on his jaw. He was going to fuck up, he knew it. He was going to be an asshole and kiss this boy, and then he would hate himself. It didn't matter what Adam's body was telling him right now. Adam wasn't really in full use of his faculties. Adam had repeatedly told Ronan they were only friends. If they were only friends though, why had Adam's hand glided from his hip and was now working its way up the inside of Ronan's shirt, lightly teasing the muscles of Ronan's now clenched stomach.

Adam buried his face in Ronan’s neck, and Ronan gasped as he felt Adam’s tongue lick off a bead of sweat running down Ronan’s neck. Ronan pulled back a little, clearly startled…and perhaps angry.

Adam looked confused.

“I’m hot. I’m gonna…um…go…outside.” Ronan said, grabbing Adam, and depositing him with their friends before going outside.

 

*** 

 

Luckily, it was cool that evening, and the light breeze felt good on Ronan’s sweat drenched skin. He was trying to control his breathing. Who was he kidding, trying to just be friends with Adam? He understood where Adam was coming from though. This was killing him, and he hadn’t even kissed Adam. What would it be like if they got involved, just to be torn apart in two months? Although, the more Ronan got to know the real Adam, the more Ronan wanted Adam. Ronan sometimes thought this could be the real thing, the shit he read about it books and watched on TV. He was so lost in his thought he didn’t even hear someone come up on him until he felt his nipple being tweaked.>/p>

His eyes shot open, and he looked down on one Joseph Kavinsky, looking deplorable, as usual. He had his minions, Prokopenko, Skov, and Swan with him.

“Lynch.” Kavinsky leered.

“Jesus, I thought I was rid of you.” Ronan complained, pushing Kavinsky off him.

Kavinsky was cocaine high this evening, so Ronan knew he would have to tread lightly.

“Come on babe, don’t be like that. You here with your beauty queen?”

“Adam is inside, he’s probably waiting for me.” Ronan said, instinctively knowing who Kavinsky was referring to, and turned to go back in the building.

Kavinsky lit up a cigarette and motioned for Skov and Swan to block Ronan’s path. Ronan sighed. He could easily take on Kavinsky, Proko, and probably Swan simultaneously, but Skov was a fucking beast of a man. Six-six, two-hundred and seventy pounds. Of all the fights Ronan started while in school, he had always stayed clear of Skov. Skov wasn’t particularly violent, but he was simple minded, which is how he ended up being one of Kavinsky’s lackeys. 

“What do you want K?” Ronan asked, annoyed.

“You know what I want man. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I want to be entertained, mostly by you.” Kavinsky licked his lips in such a lascivious way, it made Ronan’s stomach churn.

“Not interested. Ronan said flatly.

“Don’t you miss me? We used to be so…close.” Kavinsky whispered the last word dirtily.

It made Ronan ashamed, and perhaps a little aroused, for nostalgia’s sake.

“Just leave me alone already. I’ve told you, it’s not going to be you and me, not like that. You made your choices, and I made mine.” 

“What, too busy letting pretty boy Parrish stick it to you. I mean, you are on the bottom, correct?” Kavinsky laughed.

Ronan involuntarily blushed, mostly because in basically all of Ronan’s fevered jerk off fantasies, Kavinsky was right.

“Fuck you K.” Ronan spat.

“Now we are getting somewhere.” Kavinsky laughed.

“Seriously, I need to get back inside. Maybe I’ll see you on the streets.” A peace offering.

“OK Lynch, I’ll let you get back to your boyfriend.” Kavinsky shrugged, saying _boyfriend_ as if it were some great insult.

Swan and Skov let Ronan pass. Swan had the decency to at least look a little embarrassed. Mostly embarrassed Kavinsky kept throwing himself at Ronan, and Ronan continuously rejected him. Ronan had been trying to figure out Kavinsky’s special brand of homophobia for over two years. He had never met someone who hated who and what they were as much as Joseph Kavinsky clearly did.

Ronan found Adam where he left him. He was raptly staring at Blue’s arm as she waved a glow stick around. Adam looked a little out of focus, but happy. He sighed, he wished he would have asked Adam out the day he had met him.

 

***

 

It was six am and the quintet found themselves at a rundown, twenty-four hour diner. Ronan said breakfast was on him, so they all took advantage. They had all come down from their respective highs and everyone except for Ronan looked like they were going to crash.

“Did you have fun?” Ronan asked Adam as Blue and Noah gently snored while leaning on one another’s shoulders, sitting on Adam’s side of the booth.

“It was fun. It would have been more fun if you had been acting like an idiot with us.” Adam laughed, taking a bite of his waffles.

“We usually have one of us stay sober when we do stupid shit like this. And those three were already high as kites when we showed up. And I didn’t trust myself to be high…around you.” Ronan admitted, shoveling a forkful of hash browns into his mouth. 

“Oh…well…it’s not like I behaved appropriately.” Adam flushed.

“It’s OK, I mean if having you lick my neck was the worst thing that happened to me all night, I’d say it was a pretty good night.” Ronan joked, as he took a drink of his black coffee. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, even though it was a big deal. Friends don’t generally lick other friend’s necks.

Adam looked like he was going to die.

“Oh my god, I actually did that. I thought I had just thought about doing it.” Adam then blushed even harder when he realized what he had said.

Ronan chuckled, a little uncomfortably.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know what I think about doing…with you.” Ronan leveled his gaze at Adam.

Adam looked embarrassed, toward Henry, who was sitting on Ronan’s side, and was staring at his phone.

“Don’t mind me, Ronan’s already told me most of the debauched things he wants to do to you.” Henry said indifferently.

Ronan lost of all his bravado and looked as embarrassed as Adam.

“Parrish, I’m kidding. Ronan’s love for you is pure and mythical.” Henry smirked.

Ronan went from being embarrassed to enraged, and he glared at Henry. Adam surprisingly took Ronan’s hand.

“Hey, it’s OK. I sometimes think about that stuff too…with you.” Adam admitted.

“Oh.” Ronan responded. He was surprised by Adam's forwardness.

The moment was ruined by twin smirks from Noah and Blue.

“Fuck all of you. I’m never going out in public with any of you ever again.” Ronan sulked, slipping his hand from Adam’s.

 

***

 

Ronan became more agitated on the way back to Adam’s house. OK, Adam only wanted to be friends. It sucked, and left a gaping wound in Ronan’s heart, but Ronan could understand. What Ronan didn’t understand was the mixed signals. The casual touches, the longing looks, the flirting on the DL. It wasn’t fair to Ronan. Ronan shouldn’t be made to feel like he was in a relationship with someone he wasn’t. It made everything that much worse.

“Adam, I know you were fucked up tonight, but you can’t keep doing this shit.” Ronan said in a low, dangerous, tone when he pulled up to Adam’s house.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Adam said, looking at his hands.

“I mean, you are the one that just wants be friends, which fine, fuck, whatever. But you can’t make me feel like we are together, make me feel like I’m…I don’t know…it doesn’t matter.” Ronan trailed off.

“Fuck…I wasn’t even thinking…I’m always thinking, planning, deciding…I guess sometimes my brain doesn’t work properly around you.” Adam admitted.

“It’s fine, whatever.” Ronan said dismissively.

Ronan was sticky, sore, embarrassed, dehydrated, tired, and was feeling less inclined to deal with this romantic bullshit than normal. He doubted the sincerity of Adam’s apology. He didn’t think Adam really understood what it was doing to him. He didn’t think Adam really understood how he felt about him.

Adam seemed to finally pick up on the tension after they sat in silence for about a minute. He just muttered goodbye to Ronan, and got out of the car.

Ronan didn’t respond to any of Adam’s calls or messages for the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we aren't following the movie anymore, eventually we'll get back on track.
> 
> I know, acid takes longer than an hour to kick in, at least the stuff I took when I was young. 
> 
> Ah, nipple piercings, another one of my less than awesome decisions as a youngster...you do get an amazing adrenaline high from it though.
> 
> I feel like I'm doing the "will they, won't they" thing, which I don't really like. I'm going to wrap that up pretty soon.
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. It is much appreciated!


	10. Do You Like Him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan teaches Adam to drive a stick...no...that is not a euphemism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two chapters tonight, this one is a little on the short side.

“I think I screwed up.” Adam confessed to Gansey as they lounged around Gansey’s bedroom that could have easily passed itself off as a loft apartment.

“You mean there is a universe where Adam Parrish could make a mistake?” Gansey mused while putting his finishing touches on a tiny model of a soldier he was painting for some ancient Welsh battle reenactment model he was creating.

“Fuck you.” Adam said, but without the vitriol Ronan usually used.

“You’ve been hanging out with Ronan too much.” Gansey smirked, almost knowingly.

“I just keep messing things up with him. I mean. I tell him I just want to be friends, but then I keep flirting with him, and then we went to a rave…”

“Was Blue there?” Gansey, asked, his train of thought diverted to the angry little feminist he was desperately in love with.

“Yes, we’ll talk about your issues in a minute.” Adam huffed impatiently. “I mean I know he likes me, and he wants to be more than friends, but what’s the point? I’m leaving in two months.”

“Do you like him?” Gansey asked. “And before you start spinning your weave of over-analytical scenarios, I just want a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.”

Adam scowled, Gansey might have been the only person who knew Adam as well as Ronan did.

“Yes.” Adam said quietly. “A lot.” He added in defiance.

Gansey let it slide.

“Why don’t you just talk to him then? Wouldn’t spending nine weeks with Ronan the way you both want, be better than doing whatever it is you are doing now?” Gansey asked, pushing his round spectacles back up his nose.

“I’m scared. Ronan is…Ronan is very intense.” Adam admitted.

Saying Ronan was intense was a gross understatement. There were very few things Ronan genuinely cared about, but those few things were held in deep reverence by Ronan. It was a little overwhelming at times, the ferocity of Ronan’s gaze. The way his deep blue eyes would bore their way into Adam’s soul. Adam had difficulties breathing sometimes with the way Ronan looked at him.

“That’s not always a bad thing. Blue is pretty intense herself. There is a reason those two are joined at the hip.”

Adam thought about this. He had at least known Blue a little bit during school, and he could easily insert Ronan somewhere in the frame during his various interactions with Blue. Ronan often had his massive, professional grade, headphones perched on his ears. Ronan always seemed to be studiously ignoring him, and everyone else for that matter, all while viewing the world with an equal measure of indifference and disdain.

Blue and Ronan were definitely comprised of a lot of the same difficult, but wonderful stuff. Given his current attraction to Ronan, he supposed it wasn’t surprising he had a bit of a crush on Blue their sophomore year. Blue and Ronan were both stubborn, aggravating, fully entrenched in their principals, and loved to drop “F” bombs. Blue and Ronan were also loyal, tender with those they loved, had families who loved them fiercely, were creative, and were strangely kind.

“Thanks Gansey. Are you sure you want to get into history? I think you have a future as a relationship counselor. Could probably get your own TV show, be like Oprah.” Adam winked.

“Ha Ha.” Gansey replied tonelessly as he decided what color of green to paint the trees.

“Can I borrow your phone?”

 

***

 

“Lynch residence.” Opal answered politely. “Oh, just a minute.”

Ronan was in his studio painting, Declan was at the office, and Matthew was staring at a rather scandalous music video on MTV. Opal wasn’t really supposed to answer the phone, but the thought of the call going to the answering machine visibly annoyed her. She slowly climbed the stairs, and knocked on the studio door, like she was supposed to, and waited. Then she knocked louder, and waited. Finally she pounded on the door and yelled.

“Ronan, your boyfriend is on the phone for you.”

Ronan answered the door fifteen seconds later, headphones looped around his neck, paint splattered all over his clothes. He looked horrified, was going to yell at Opal, and then realized she wasn’t teasing Ronan. Adam was a boy, and Adam was Ronan’s friend. His scowl melted into a smile as he held his hand out for the phone.

“Thank you, Opal.”

“You are welcome Ronan. Is Adam coming over?” Opal asked hopefully.

Ronan wasn’t sure. He thought he could just be Adam’s friend, and he probably could have been…but Adam kept flirting with him. Adam kept crossing his self-imposed lines, and Ronan wasn’t sure if he could handle that for two more months.

“I don’t know squirt. Give me some privacy.” 

Opal just shrugged and went to her room to play.

“Hey Parrish.” Ronan said, trying to sound calm.

“You’ve been avoiding me Lynch.”

Ronan didn’t like to lie, so he opted for silence.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair to you. I’m not good with…any…of this…people stuff.” Adam lamely muttered.

This caused Ronan to snort.

“You don’t have to be an asshole.” Adam complained.

“I wasn’t laughing at you…I was thinking that was usually my line…the people stuff part, but usually with more swearing.” Ronan teased.

“Oh, yeah…you seem to do OK, I mean you have a lot of friends.”

“I know a lot of people, I have like five friends, and I don’t even really like Henry that much.” 

“Am I one of them?” Adam asked, suddenly scared of the answer.

“Yeah, if you stop jerking me around.” Ronan said honestly.

“That’s fair. You want to teach me how to drive a stick?” Adam asked suddenly.

“I suppose I could do that, but we are using your car, I am not letting you behind the wheel of the BMW.” Ronan stated, leaving out the part where he had more than one fantasy about Adam driving the BMW, and what Ronan would like to do to Adam while Adam was driving.

 

***

 

Ronan didn’t understand how he could have infinite patience with small children and animals, but trying to teach someone how to drive a clutch was making him want to gnaw his leather wristbands off. He was sitting in a not terrible car, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the most gorgeous boy he had ever laid his eyes on, and he kind of wanted to light something on fire.

Adam was jerkily driving his car around in an abandoned parking lot while Ronan counted to ten before each time he spoke.

“Yeah, just keep going first, keep going around. Jesus, fuck, get the feel of it, feel the clutch, when you put it in a little?” Ronan offered.

“Yeah.” Adam replied.

“You know how it’ll come out and feel…y’know…a little more, Christ, little more more…yeah, that’s right, have some care. Go round just at first, you are doing fine. Now, when you feel like you are confident…”

“Yeah.”

“If you’ll just maybe ease into second.”

“Right.” Adam said as the car made a horrible grinding noise and stalled.

Adam was distracted by Ronan’s general appearance. He was covered in oil paint, it was in his hair, on his clothes, under his nails. Adam had draped old sheets over the driver and passenger seats to keep the paint off his pristine interior. Ronan was wearing an old blue tank with holes worn through in some places, and a pair of sweats with the bottoms cut off. He looked a crazy homeless person. A hot, crazy, homeless person.

Ronan took several deep breaths, and tried to keep his tone even.

“Okay, this is important…”

“Am I ruining my car?” Adam worried.

“Probably, but listen, this is important. When you feel it start to give, put the clutch in.”

“Oh, I thought I was putting the …”

The Acura started to roll backwards.

“OK, a little more gas. Shit…ease it up. Hold on, it was a minor setback. You good now?” Ronan asked gently.

“Why are you covered in paint?” Adam blurted.

This caused Ronan to laugh.

“You are asking this now, after we have been driving around for an hour? I was painting when you called. I do that. I mean, I was kind of avoiding you, but sometimes when I get inspired, I just like to spend a few days by myself.”

“Oh, OK.” Adam said like he understood.

“You ready to try this again?” Ronan asked.

Adam nodded nervously.

“OK, so like go into second. A little more gas…yeah…you can get this. Now maybe you downshift to first?”

Ronan guided his hand over Adam’s hand that was clutching the gear shift. Adam tensed a little, but didn’t remove his hand. The car stalled, rolled backward a little. Ronan put the hand brake on. Adam leaned over and kissed the corner of Ronan’s mouth, hoping the intent was clear.

Adam nervously stared at Ronan’s long eyelashes as they fluttered just briefly over closed eyes. Ronan Lynch was the most terrifying and glorious thing he had ever witnessed. He still didn’t fully understand what Ronan saw in him, but it must be something of significance. Ronan was not someone to enter into something lightly. A small smile played on Ronan’s lips. A true smile, not the shark-like grin he wore to scare people off.

“You wanna have dinner at my house tomorrow night?” Ronan asked, before he could think about what he was asking.

“OK.” Adam replied dumbly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to drive a stick. I had an old boyfriend try to teach me once, it lasted about fifteen minutes.
> 
> Thank you so much for the kind feedback! It's so nice of everyone to take the time.


	11. Neve Campbell Is Pretty Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam comes over to the Lynch house for movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted chapters 10 & 11 this evening...just a head's up, didn't want to confuse anyone.

“Why can’t I ever keep my fucking mouth shut.” Ronan muttered and he rummaged through his closet.

“Dude, you have gone literal days without uttering anything that could be construed as a word.” Noah noted as he flipped through Ronan’s CD case while laying on Ronan’s bed.

“Well…this is exactly why I never talk…I just end up saying something stupid.” Ronan groaned.

“It’s no big deal. It’s not like Adam is coming over to meet the parents.” Blue comforted, oblivious to what she had said.

Ronan raised an eyebrow as her.

“Shit, sorry...you know what I mean. We are going to order pizza and watch movies in the basement. You’ll casually introduce Adam to your family, and it won’t be a big deal, provided Matthew can manage not being a dork about it.” Blue finished.

“Yeah, there is a bigger chance that Blue and Gansey are going to go at it, then you’ll be outed to your brother.” Noah threw in.

Blue glared at Noah.

“Why haven’t you come out to him? I mean it’s not like you ever cared who knew at school.” Blue asked, curious.

Ronan wanted to say he didn’t want to witness the disappointed look on Declan’s face. He didn’t want his darkest thoughts confirmed, that Declan couldn’t love or care about someone like Ronan. He just wanted to hold on to his brother a little longer. He’d tell him when he was safely away, maybe over the phone, or in a letter. In a way where he didn’t have to see the look of disdain and disgust on Declan’s face.

“It’s none of his fucking business.” Ronan said instead.

“I think you should wear the blue. It makes your eyes seem all dreamy.” Blue giggled, fluttering her eyelashes, while picking a blue t-shirt out of a mound of t-shirts sitting on Ronan’s floor.

Ronan went to give Blue the finger, but then decided she was right.

 

***

 

Adam idly wondered if Ronan had been this nervous when he had come to pick him up for that graduation party several weeks prior. Adam knew rationally this was no big deal. He was just hanging out with Ronan and his friends. His mind kept playing back to the not-quite-kiss in Ronan’s car yesterday though. He could feel Ronan’s breath on his skin. And even though the only place they touched in the moment was Adam’s lips to the corner of Ronan’s mouth, it had set something alight in Adam that he didn’t know existed. It was desire, it was lust. It was a feeling that calm, practical, Adam hadn’t thought he was capable of.

He knocked on the door.

Ronan’s older, clean shaven, tattoo and piercing free, hair having, doppelganger answered the door, while he gently nudged a small black Pug back. Adam was pleased with what he could possibly looking forward to in a decade’s time. Adam shook his head. He had no idea how he was just going to sit by Ronan for the next several hours.

“You must be Adam. Congratulations on the fellowship. Please come in.” Declan said politely, holding the door open for Adam. “Chainsaw, back the fuck up.”

“Thank you, sir.” Adam said, ever the picture of politeness.

Declan made a face Adam couldn’t make out.

“I’m Ronan’s brother, not his Dad. Please just call me Declan. Ronan’s holding court in his bedroom…you’d think he was getting ready for a date as many times as he’s changed his clothes this afternoon.” Declan laughed. “This is Ronan’s dog, Chainsaw.”

Adam’s cheeks flushed slightly. He knelt down, and let the excited little dog lick his fingers in between snorts.

Opal came toddling out of the kitchen and held her arms up for Adam to pick her up. She then whispered in Adam’s good ear.

“I’m making Dad take me to _101 Dalmatians_ so you and Ronan can hold hands.” 

Opal blushed adorably then, and kissed Adam’s cheek, and asked to be put down. She then went back into the kitchen to help Matthew finish putting away the groceries.

“Huh, she usually takes to people about as well as Ronan.” Declan said, shaking his head.

“I guess I’m just good with kids, sir.” 

Declan pointedly looked at Adam.

“I mean Declan.” Adam amended, smiling politely.

“So how’d you fall in with my brother? You seem too Gansey like. I’m still trying to figure out how those two are friends. Drink?” Declan asked, handing Adam a soda.

Adam took the soda and looked toward the stairs, to where he assumed Ronan’s bedroom was. He didn’t want to lie to Declan. Perfectly polite Declan, who looked like he ironed his jeans. Adam had a feeling Declan didn’t know about Ronan’s sexual leanings, and he didn’t want to out anyone, but he knew the longer this conversation went on, the better chance that was going to happen.

“Well, we are both friends with Gansey.” Adam said, not a lie.

“It’s just weird. I mean Ronan, Blue, Gansey, Noah, and Henry have been attached at the hip since we moved here, and now here you are.” Declan mused.

“Well sir…I mean Declan…I was really busy with school and work, and this is really the first time I’ve had any down time since I started high school. I guess I decided to act like a teenager for a few months before college started.” Adam weaved, again, not a lie.

“Yeah, but aren’t there better people to hang out with than Ronan?” Declan joked.

Adam knew Declan was kidding, but he felt very defensive for a moment. He wondered if Declan was really that clueless as to how wonderful, intelligent, funny, and loving Ronan was.

“He’s been showing me some things that I never had time for before.” Not a lie.

“Well, he does seem to know all of the best places to get into trouble. Don’t let him talk you into anything stupid.” Declan advised.

“We really just go out to eat, hang out at the skate park. He helped me out at the Community Center once or twice.” Adam said with a shrug.

Declan looked impressed.

“You got him to volunteer?” 

“Well, I mean, he mostly got in my way. Opal and Matthew were more of a help.” Adam smirked.

“Fair enough. The interrogation is over. Ronan’s room is upstairs, second door on the right.” Declan smiled.

Just as Adam was about to make his getaway, Ronan, Blue, and Noah came trundling down the stairs. Ronan stopped abruptly when he saw Adam standing there in such close proximity to Declan. Ronan glared at his older brother. 

“What could I have possibly done to draw your ire already?” Declan asked, exasperated.

“What have you and Parrish been talking about?” Ronan accused.

“I was just telling Declan about how you volunteered with me at the community center and how great it’s been making friends with you.” Adam explained, not terribly subtly.

“Friends…yeah…Dec…I need some money.” Ronan asked with his hand out.

“Jesus, you know, technically you and Matthew probably have more money than I do. You’re bleeding me dry.” Declan complained, handing Ronan and hundred dollar bill. “This is for pizza and soda, not beer. I don’t want anyone drinking in the house, especially not if your friends drove themselves here.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, and took the money.

“Yes Dad.” He said petulantly.

“You know that shit isn’t funny.” Declan scolded.

“You’re right.” Ronan admitted, but did not apologize. “Don’t you have some daddy-daughter bonding time to clock in?”

“OK. I can take a hint. Come on sweetheart. Let’s go see some puppies.” Declan called to Opal.

Opal came cantering out of the kitchen beaming. She so rarely got to do anything with just her Dad. Declan picked the girl up and kissed her cheek. Opal took a deep breath and said her goodbyes.

“Goodbye Ronan and Adam and Blue and Noah and Matthew.” She called.

“Seriously no booze…and I’d say nobody get anyone pregnant…but…” Declan trailed off, shrugged, and was out the door.

“What did your brother mean by that?” Adam asked, suddenly nervous for Ronan.

“Fuck if I know. It’s probably a dig at my virginity or some shit. Let’s order before Gansey he gets here, he’ll want something fucked up like sausage and avocado.” Ronan gagged at the thought.

 

***

 

Henry and Gansey arrived just as the pizza got there. Matthew was allowed to hang out with them while they ate and watched one movie. He was then going to his friend Joe’s to spend the night. The boys all sat around nervously while Blue rummaged through a Blockbuster sack. Someone thought it would be a good idea for her to get the movies. She had stipulations though; it had to have had a theatrical release within the past two years, it couldn’t have a main cast older than an average of forty, it couldn’t be a foreign film with English subtitles, and it also could not be a documentary.

“So maggot, what have you brought to torture us with? It has to be something that Mattie can watch.” Ronan stated from his seat on the couch. Adam, unsurprisingly, was about six inches away from him.

“OK, I think I did OK…what you heathens would consider OK. I did not get any documentaries or foreign films.”

Noah, Henry, Ronan, and Matthew cheered. Adam seemed indifferent, and Gansey looked minorly disappointed. While Blue and Gansey were being civil to one another, Blue was secretly pleased that Gansey seemed distraught by having to watch a modern film, in English.

“So, I got _Clueless_.”

“Again?” Ronan complained while Noah seemed excited.

Ronan thought Paul Rudd was pretty cute and all, but there was so much color, and so many girls, and it was loosely based on a Jane Austen novel, so Ronan wasn’t feeling it. Noah on the other hand thought Cher was his spirit animal.

“ _The Craft_?” Blue held up the new release.

“Neve Campbell is pretty hot.” Adam offered.

This garnered a scowl from Ronan, but he had seen a trailer for it, and it didn’t seem terrible.

“Put that on the later pile. I don’t think Matthew is old enough.” Ronan decided.

“ _Romeo and Juliet_?”

Groans all around, except for Ronan, who was silent. There was a reason he suffered through the last season of Growing Pains…but he wasn’t going to admit that to any of these assholes. Besides, he had already gone to the theater to see it earlier in the year, by himself, during the school day so no one he knew would see him.

“ _Happy Gilmore_?” Blue didn’t seem to be in love with that option, but it seemed to garner a majority of approval, and Ronan figured Matthew was old enough to sit through an Adam Sandler movie.

Declan had paid a ridiculous amount of money for a projection television so they could all sit comfortably in the family room while watching the movie on the white wall in front of them. Because they were in the basement, it was much cooler than it was in the rest of the house. Ronan and Matthew tossed out pillows and blankets while Blue and Noah made popcorn and got drinks for everyone.

Once the movie started, everyone settled, the lights were turned off, and Ronan became…aware…of how close Adam was to him. He looked around at his friends. Henry and Noah were snuggled together on the couch, a large purple chenille blanket covering them. Blue was in the armchair, legs tugged underneath her and Gansey was on the floor, propped up against the chair. Matthew was sitting on the far end of the couch. Adam had subtly scooted so his thigh was flush against Ronan’s thigh once the lights were turned off. Chainsaw was happily napping on the ottoman, stuffed on pizza crust.

Ronan looked at Adam, and Adam shyly looked back at Ronan, he messy hair covering half his face. Ronan resisted the urge to tuck Adam’s hair behind his ear like he had watched Gansey do to Blue countless times before. He knew he was safe in this room. He knew there was no judgment, but he didn’t want an audience for all his firsts with Adam, so he leaned back into the couch, clenching his fists a few times. After he unclenched the fourth or fifth time, he found Adam’s hand laced with his own, their hands tucked underneath Adam’s blanket. Adam used the pad of his free thumb to trace the lines in Ronan’s palm. Ronan felt his breath catch.

Ronan though he was laughing in the appropriate places, but he was mostly focused on getting his breathing under control as Adam absentmindedly ran his free hand up and down the sensitive skin along the underside of his wrist and forearm. Ronan briefly closed his eyes, trying to picture Adam’s long, fine, freckled fingers brushing against his pale, scarred, skin and he nearly gulped. He jerked his hand from Adam’s and stood up.

“I gotta take a piss.” He said to no one in particular, and jogged upstairs to the half bath off the foyer.

He really did have to pee, but then he splashed cold water on his face and he tried to force the flush out of his cheeks. He had kissed other boys. He had made out with other boys. He had fantasized and dreamed about other boys. None of that held a candle to what he was feeling now. If some innocent hand holding and light skin grazing had him on fire like this, his mind went wild with the possibilities if they were ever left alone in the same room.

When he came back, Adam gave him a funny look, but made no move to sit closer to Ronan. Ronan cursed himself for having such a knee jerk reaction. He hoped he hadn’t hurt Adam’s feelings. He kept sneaking peeks, but it looked like Adam was finally thoroughly entrenched in the ridiculous movie they were watching.

Once the movie was over, Matthew said his goodbyes just as Declan and Opal came home. Opal came running down the stairs, and launched herself into Ronan’s lap. Declan tread down the stairs more carefully, giving all parties plenty of time straighten out clothes and move out one another’s personal space if necessary.

“What are you all watching?” 

“I think we were going to watch _The Craft_ next.” Blue said absentmindedly as she rewound the _Happy Gilmore_ tape.

“I’ve been meaning to watch that. Would you mind waiting to start until I put Opal to bed?”

“I don’t think that would be a problem.” Gansey said.

He didn’t notice the five pairs of eyes pointedly looking at him as Declan took Opal upstairs and put her to bed.

“Dude.” Noah hissed.

“What? Is it really going to kill you to spend ninety minutes not attached to Henry’s mouth?” Gansey asked.

“I thought that was what the last ninety minutes were for?” Henry countered.

“Relax, it’s fine. Declan will be asleep within a half hour. He almost never stays up past 10:30.” Ronan reasoned.

The group got up to stretch and move around. Blue got up to leave the recliner for Declan and camped out on the floor with Gansey. Adam ended up on the love seat with Noah, and Henry was next to Ronan. Ronan scowled at Henry.

“What Lynch? It helps to avoid temptation. I mean unless you want a repeat performance of Gansey’s Fourth of July party before the start of Junior year.” Henry purred at Ronan.

“Shut the fuck up, Cheng.” Ronan replied, clearly embarrassed.

“What happened at the party?” Adam asked.

Blue snickered and Gansey snorted.

“Ronan got caught making out with Henry in the pool house by Gansey’s Mom. Hi-larious.” Noah chuckled, not the least bit jealous that his boyfriend made out with his first crush.

“She was so embarrassed, and Ronan…wow…I didn’t know people could turn that color of red.” Blue laughed.

“He didn’t say anything to anyone. He just got into his car, drove home, and didn’t speak to ANYONE for three weeks. I mean, talk about a blow to the ego.” Henry finished, mocking humiliation.

Adam quirked and eyebrow at Ronan. Ronan was resting his elbows on his knees, covering his face, hoping to hide his embarrassment. 

“Fuck all of you.” Ronan muttered, just as Declan came downstairs in his sweats.

“You guys ready? Neve Campbell is pretty hot, right?” Declan said cluelessly, falling into the leather recliner.

Ronan groaned.

It was midnight when that movie was over. Ronan woke Declan up and shuffled him off to bed. He then grabbed a movie at random, _Beautiful Girls_. Ronan assumed by the title there would be nothing of interest for him there. He pulled Adam up from the loveseat and pulled him to the couch, he then swung and arm over Adam and pressed play.

It took Henry and Noah about ten minutes before they were quietly making out on the love seat. Blue rested her head on Gansey’s shoulder. Gansey was trying desperately not to move, he didn’t want to do anything to scare Blue off. Ronan tentatively ran his fingers along Adam’s bicep. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” Ronan whispered into Adam’s good ear.

“It’s OK, I’m a little freaked out myself.” Adam whispered back as he leaned over to kiss Ronan’s neck softly, lightly.

He never wanted his friends to go home more in his life. Ronan noticed his friends weren’t paying anything attention to Ronan and Adam, so Ronan brought Adam to him, so Adam’s head was rested on his chest. Adam softly ran his fingers along Ronan’s abdomen, underneath Ronan’s shirt and a down comforter that was pulled over them. Ronan felt a stirring, and tried to will it away. He wasn’t sure what Adam’s reaction would be if he accidentally grazed an erection, especially considering they hadn’t even kissed yet.

Adam for his part was having a difficult time being so close to Ronan without doing more than what they were doing. Unlike Ronan, Adam had not kissed or made out with a lot of boys. Adam had not kissed or made out with any boys. Adam had not made out with any girls either. He kissed one girl in eighth grade, and another girl briefly slipped him her tongue at a party his Sophomore year. He was working pretty much on instinct. He never considered how alluring the trail of hair leading down from a man’s navel could be until he started caressing the soft hair on Ronan’s stomach. He hadn’t considered how arousing stubble could feel until Ronan’s had rubbed across his cheek when he had kissed Ronan’s neck. Ronan smelled like moss and leather and the earth, and as much as he was coming to like Ronan’s friends, he wished they would go the fuck home.

Finally, the movie was over.

“OK, get the fuck out.” Ronan said as he turned the track lights in the basement back on, and turned the TV off.

Blue and Noah smirked at Ronan. Gansey looked confused. Henry had just woken himself up from snoring. Adam started to stand up.

“Not you Adam, just the rest of these pricks.” Ronan commanded.

Adam weirdly, liked bossy Ronan, maybe too much.

“Seriously, rude.” Noah said, as he yawned kittenshly. 

“Yeah Ronan, it’s only…” Blue checked her watch “Wow, it’s 2 AM. OK, fair point. I gotta be at the coffee shop at nine. Which one of you losers is going to give me a ride home?”

“I can, if that would be acceptable.” Gansey asked, almost shyly.

“I suppose that would be acceptable. You need to stay on your own side with your hideously yellow polo shirt and terrible boat shoes.” Blue ordered.

“I’ll be a complete gentlemen.”

And everyone knew he would. 

Ronan practically shoved them out the door. He didn’t want the delirious tension between him and Adam to evaporate. It had though, and it was back to the regular nervous, near vomit inducing tension when Ronan returned. Ronan walked slowly up to Adam after his friends had left.

“So, you think Blue is going to put Gansey out of his misery?” Adam asked wryly.

“Fuck no. I think she gets off on this shit. She’ll make him wait another week, maybe by the fourth.” Ronan mused.

“So, you and Henry?” Adam asked, taking Ronan’s hand in his own.

“It’s not what you think. Henry was on the fence, he wasn’t sure, I was very sure…he was cute in an obnoxious sort of way. It was one kiss. You hadn’t even so much as glanced at me twice since I had started school.” Ronan mumbled.

Adam ran thumb along Ronan’s palm.

“Wait, so how long have you liked me?” Adam asked, looking up into Ronan’s jewel toned eyes.

Ronan flushed, and stumbled, and started, and stopped.

“Since the first time I saw you...” He rushed out, hopelessly mortified by the sappiness of his confession.

And then Adam was kissing him. And not in the soft, gentle way Ronan usually dreamt of Adam kissing him. There were a few darker, hungrier desires Ronan had entertained in his mind, and this kiss was assuredly in that camp. Adam’s glorious hands were rubbing the back of his head, forcing Ronan closer to him. It took Ronan a few seconds to think, to open his mouth enough for Adam’s tongue to enter his mouth. It was gnashing of noses, and licking of teeth, and biting of lips. It was the rush of every reckless, adrenaline filled dare Ronan had ever committed. Adam’s lips were on his own. His brain was having difficulties processing what was happening.

Ronan pushed Adam back towards the couch. He pressed Adam gently into the cushions, trying not to completely break the kiss. Adam grabbed at his t-shirt and pulled Ronan down on top of him. Ronan used his arm to prop some of his weight up, realizing he was heavier than Adam. He used his other and to run his thumb over Adam’s cheek. Adam was lightly scratching his chest, and Ronan knew he needed to pull back.

Ronan broke the kiss and looked down at a nearly wrecked Adam. Adam’s hair was messy, his pupils were blown, his lips were swollen. Ronan had to resist the urge to confess his love on the spot.

“We probably shouldn’t be doing this here. Declan has insomnia and sometimes Opal gets up in the middle of the night.” Ronan reasoned.

Adam looked like he might start pouting. Ronan had to resist the urge to kiss the pout off Adam’s face.

“Wait.” Adam said excitedly, reaching in his pocket and pulling out his car keys. “It’s not very big, but I have a back seat.” 

Ronan did kiss Adam again then, but briefly.

“I knew there was a reason you were the brains of this operation.” Ronan exclaimed, pulling Adam off the couch.

The boys slipped on their shoes and snuck off to Adam’s car, at the end of Declan’s driveway.

 

***

 

Declan had gotten up early Sunday morning to work on some briefs before getting the kids up to get ready for church. He had taken out the garbage and picked up the paper, when he noticed a small Green Acura at the end of the driveway. The windows were fogged up, and it was…moving. Declan scowled. He thought there was a reason he was paying to live in a gated community; to keep hoodlums from having car sex in front of his house at four in the morning.

 

He stalked down his driveway, and toward the offending vehicle. He banged on the fogged over window, waited for about three seconds, and then banged again. God, he hated being an adult. Finally, the window rolled down with a sheepish looking hoodlum by the name of Ronan Lynch poking his head out of the window. He was flushed, his lips swollen, and bruises were starting to blossom along his collar bone.

“What. The. Fuck.” Was the only thing Declan could think of to say.

He peered down into the vehicle to see a flustered looking Adam buttoning his shirt, and then hastily buckling his belt. God, he hated being an adult. Adam leaned over Ronan to poke his head out of the window.

“Morning, sir.” Adam said, he at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

Ronan leaned back smugly, almost as if this was what he wanted to have happen.

“Please Adam, for the hundredth time, stop calling me sir. It’s weird. Have you idiots been out here all night?” Declan asked, and then immediately didn’t want to know.

“Well, it was out here or in my room…” Ronan shrugged.

Declan pinched his nose, and tried to control his breathing. He knew Ronan was just trying to get a rise out of him. It was Ronan’s whole existence.

“Ronan, say goodnight…or I guess good morning as it were. I’ll meet you in the kitchen. Two minutes.” Declan declared, and went back into the house. He could hear Ronan say ‘two minutes’ in a mocking tone as soon as he had turned his back, and then heard Adam stifle a giggle. And then he swore he could hear them kissing again. God, he hated being an adult.

 

***

 

“OK, let’s have the lecture.” Ronan sulked, plopping down on a stool at the kitchen bar.

Declan just slid Ronan over a cup of coffee and a couple of toasted strawberry Pop Tarts as a peace offering. Ronan would have preferred cereal, but he accepted the sugary pasteries.

“No lecture. How long have you two been seeing each other?” Declan asked, he sounded suspiciously sincere.

“Not very.” Ronan shrugged.

“But…you’ve liked him for awhile?”

Ronan froze, mid-bite.

“What’s with the twenty-questions?” Ronan asked defensively.

“I’d like to think I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t make out with some random person in the back seat of their car. So, Adam…you must have liked him for a while, and you must be serious about him. This isn’t just a…phase?” Declan asked, concerned.

“Jesus. I’m sorry to disappoint you. I can’t help it, I can’t help it…I tried…but this is just how I am.” Ronan said quietly.

Then Declan felt like an asshole. Ronan took his concern as homophobic, when that wasn’t it at all. He placed a tentative hand on Ronan’s shoulder. Ronan didn’t immediately shake it off.

“Fuck, Ronan…I don’t care if you are gay, or bi, or just curious, or what. I’ve kind of known you like boys for a while. You weren’t terribly subtle with your video collection. Critters 3, seriously?” Declan smirked.

Ronan had the decency to look horrified by the movie reference.

“I’m worried because you seem really into this guy, which I get. Adam seems to be by far the least annoying of your friends, but he mentioned last night that he is leaving in August. I just don’t, I just don’t want to see you get your heart broken.” Declan sighed.

“It’s a little late for that.” Ronan said quietly, breaking his second Pop Tart into little pieces.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to spend as much time with him as I can.” Ronan replied.

“OK, then. I have to ask, not because I want to, but because there isn’t anyone else to. Are you using protection, I mean do you need me to…ummm…buy you…”

“Fuck, no.” Ronan began uncomfortably . “We aren’t having sex, and if we were, I think I should be grown up enough to by my own fucking protection.”

‘OK, good, because you know statistically…”

Ronan groaned loud enough to drown his brother out.

“I know the statistics. I’m not an idiot. But I’m not doing anything. And Adam and I…there isn’t anyone else…I don’t think for him either…for either of us.” Ronan trailed off.

That caught Declan off guard. He had always thought Ronan was just secretive about his relationships. He thought there had been something going on with that Kavinsky asshole at one point. Or maybe Gansey. He thought Noah had been a definite.

“Hey, you are better person than I am then.” Declan smirked at his little brother. “When I was your age, restraint wasn’t exactly my virtue.”

“Well, try being a gay teenager in the suburbs, there aren’t exactly a lot of options.” Ronan shrugged off Declan’s compliment.

“We both know that’s not it. I’m happy you met Adam, but like I said. I just don’t want to get too far deep into this.”

“Again, a little late for that.” Ronan said, resigned to his fate, standing up to rinse out his coffee cup. “I’m going to catch a couple of hours of sleep. Wake me up before church?”

“Sure, kid.” Declan replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the most happy I have been with how a chapter had turned out. As I have mentioned, I love Declan, and I never got the idea from the books that Declan would be a dick about Ronan being gay...so he never is going to be in my universe! 
> 
> I know, I suck with Gansey. He's so hard for me to write for some reason, so I would rather him say as a little as possible so I don't completely ruin him.
> 
> I like the idea of Ronan and Adam being typical teenagers in the sense they have to think creatively for places to makeout. That always made me a little sad with books, that they basically had to be grownups at the age of 17.
> 
> I love all of the movies in this chapter. Beautiful Girls is one of my favorite movies. It has a very interesting cast, and is just a lovely little movie about friendship, love, and commitment. 
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it.


	12. Are We Too Wrapped Up In This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan wonder if they are too wrapped up in one another.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with that Ronan kid.” Colin said noncommittally over breakfast one morning.

Adam had snuck in around six in the morning to find his uncle had been waiting up for him. Adam’s hair was disheveled, his face was covered in razor burns from Ronan’s stubble, and he had a decent sized hickey forming on the side of his neck. Adam also looked deliriously happy, which was the clue Colin zeroed in on; this was not just some summer fling.

“I suppose. I mean I’ve been hanging out with a lot of new people this summer.” Adam shrugged, not a lie. He was learning from Ronan.

“Do all of your friends give you those?” Colin asked, as he pointed at the purplish bruise on Adam’s neck.

Adam had the decency to look embarrassed.

“I don’t care if you are into guys, I mean it certainly lessens the chance of you knocking anyone up in college.” Colin mused callously. “Ronan doesn’t seem to have much going for him though. What are you going to do when you go away to school? I mean, what is that, five-thousand miles give or take a couple hundred?”

“I’m not really thinking about that right now.” Adam answered honestly, suddenly not hungry anymore.

“You’ve had your entire life planned out for yourself since you came to live with me six years ago. You fall for one miscreant boy, and suddenly you are going to be a ‘live for the moment’ kind of person?”

“Why do you care? I’m going to be eighteen next week, and then I’ll be out of your hair in a couple of months. Don’t pretend that you are somehow emotionally invested in my well being.” Adam accused.

“I’m invested in my investments, Adam. I’ve taken you under my wing, and I was hoping we could be partners when you are done dallying around Europe.” Colin replied, coolly.

Adam gaped at this. He had no interest in whatever shady business Colin had going.

“Why would you think I’d want to be involved in the art business?”

Colin leveled his gaze at Adam to say, _you know that isn’t what I do._

“That’s always been the plan. You are a smart, well-mannered, young man, with a trustworthy face and an even more trustworthy accent. I’ve had you work at the gallery so you could become familiar with some of my stateside clients. I was going to connect you with some of my European acquaintances when you got to England.” Colin said reasonably, even though Adam suspected he was being anything but.

“No, that’s not what I want. I appreciate everything you have done, but I want to help people, not do whatever it is that you do.”

“I think you’ll come around.” Colin said with a tone of confidence that made Adam’s skin crawl.

“Look, I’m really tired. I’m going to go to bed for a few hours before I need to volunteer. I guess we can talk about this later.”

 

***

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ronan asked when he picked Adam up for the Community Center at eight that evening.

Adam was getting better with a stick shift, but he still didn’t feel comfortable driving alone all that much, and it was nice having Ronan pick him up.

“Just a weird day.” Adam said as he buckled his seat belt. Not a lie, just not everything.

Adam knew Ronan hated his uncle. Not many people were fond of Colin Greenmantle. But, Ronan seemed to intuitively sense something off about Colin from the get go. Ronan got a whiff of something rotten and evil in Colin that Adam didn’t necessarily disagree with. Adam didn’t want to get into his bizarre breakfast discussion with right then. He wanted to enjoy his time with Ronan.

“What do you want to do tonight? Kavinsky is throwing a party at his parent’s McMansion. Henry and Noah are going to go see a movie if we wanted to join. Gansey invited me to some boring as fuck lecture on medieval Welsh history – that one was a hard pass. Blue is making soap with her cousins tonight if we wanted to do something terrible.” Ronan rambled.

Adam turned, so his good ear was facing Ronan more. He leaned his hand over and ran his fingers along Ronan’s neck.

“Can it just be us, just for tonight?” Adam asked, softly.

“Yeah Parrish, I think we can manage that.” Ronan smiled, his smile reserved for Adam, Matthew, Opal, and occasionally Blue – when she wasn’t pissing him off.

Ronan ran into the grocery store and came out with a six pack for himself, he reasoned Adam could always drive them back if he had to, a bottled tea for Adam, a couple of deli sandwiches and some chips. As Ronan loaded his purchases into trunk, Adam realized in the almost four weeks they have been hanging out, Adam has not paid for anything. He felt guilty. He was just as into Ronan as Ronan was into him. He didn’t want Ronan to feel like he needed to continue the courtship ritual.

“You know, I have some money squirreled away in my piggy bank. You don’t always need to pay for everything.” Adam teased.

“I’m trying to woo. This is part of the process.” Ronan smirked, taking them on a back road out of the city.

“I think you have been successful, considering I spent most of the day thinking about seeing you again.” Adam admitted, averting his eyes out the passenger side window.

Adam missed seeing Ronan’s face color, and he missed seeing Ronan’s tongue get tripped up, trying to think of how to respond to such an astounding confession. They just drove then in comfortable silence until they pulled up a long private driveway and parked in front of a large white farmhouse.

“What is this place?” Adam asked, worried they were trespassing.

“My brother bought it for his ex-wife, Ashley, when she was in her ‘I want a charming farm’ phase. The deal had already closed when the divorce papers arrived. The property is worth less than what Declan paid for it, so it’s just been sitting here for the past three years.” Ronan shrugged, pulling a blanket and their food from the trunk.

Ronan walked over to Adam and awkwardly offered his hand. Adam shyly took it, lacing his fingers with Ronan. Adam couldn’t believe it had only been a week since they first kissed, like kissed on the lips, with the intention of more. He slid his gaze over to Ronan as they crossed through fields of heather in the June dusk. It felt magical, other-worldly, here. He could picture Ronan in a place like this, somewhere where he could be wild and free. Adam became a little flustered though when he pictured him being with Ronan in a place like this down the road. He was flustered because it felt like a reasonable possibility. He was a little frightened with how fast all of this was happening. He had never felt this kind of affection before. He wasn’t sure if it was normal. He wasn’t sure if he was normal for craving it as much as he did. He wasn’t sure if Ronan was normal for so freely offering it to Adam.

Ronan laid a large thick blanket down in the middle of a field where they were surrounded by fireflies and the setting sun. They sat with their food and their drinks crossed legged, knees touching. Ronan had the good sense not to get anything with onions.

“This is nice.” Adam mused, taking a bit of his sandwich as Ronan cracked open a beer.

“I used to come out here all the time by myself, to paint, or just to think. You’re the only person I’ve ever brought out here.”

“Great, so they won’t have any idea of where to look for the body.” Adam replied dryly.

“Asshole.” Ronan laughed, knocking Adam’s shoulders.

They were quiet then as they finished their food. They knew why they had driven out to the middle of nowhere. It was for privacy. An open privacy, that wasn’t the backseat of Adam’s Acura or Ronan’s BMW. A leisurely privacy, that wasn’t a fevered kiss while friend’s heads were turned, or in a dark corner. A quiet privacy, where they didn’t need to stifle how they made one another feel. After they ate, after Ronan finished his second beer, after Adam not so subtly popped a couple to Tic Tacs into his mouth, they laid side by side on the large, plaid, blanket, and looked at the stars.

Adam’s breath caught slightly when Ronan began to rub circles along the underside of Adam’s wrist. The skin was so sensitive, and Ronan’s hands were surprisingly calloused and rough considering it was doubtful he had ever done a day’s manual labor in his life. Adam turned his head and looked at Ronan in profile. Ronan continued to look at the sky, but he could feel Adam’s lingering gaze. He turned his head.

And then they were kissing. It was soft and gentle, so unlike their previous kisses. This had a feeling, a weight, that went beyond mere lust. They slowly rolled toward one another, unhurriedly. Ronan trailed his fingers along Adam’s face. Adam ran his fingers along Ronan’s hip, underneath his shirt. They kissed softly, lazily, tongues lightly skimming tongues, teeth gently biting lips, lips softly moving along stubbled jaws and shells of ears. They finally pulled apart, a little dazed, flushed, but not panting.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” Ronan whispered, running a hand through Adam’s hair. Ronan mused the dusty hair boy probably needed a haircut, but Ronan kind of liked it long.

“You aren’t so bad yourself.” Adam whispered back, running his hand agonizingly slowly down Ronan’s still t-shirted chest.

“You know, I’m not like…this isn’t like…just hooking up, right?” Ronan asked, suddenly shy.

“I know. It’s not like that for me either. I really like you Ronan. I mean I’ve never felt like this before…it’s confusing.” Adam admitted.

“I’ll sure as fuck scare you off if I tell you everything I feel about you, so I’m just going to say I really like you too.” Ronan responded, kissing the tip of Adam’s nose.

Adam then caught Ronan’s wrist before the other boy could pull away, and this time Adam was kissing him more aggressively. It was a roughness Ronan continued to be surprised normally mild-mannered Adam had been capable of. Ronan kind of liked it. They had gotten too carried away in the back of Adam’s car the evening Adam came over for dinner. If Declan wouldn’t have come out, both boys would have readily stripped one another of their respective virtues. Ronan had had a chance now to get his libido in check a little, so while the way Adam was pressed flush against his body was making his brain do stupid things in the way of fantasy scenarios, he just returned Adam’s kiss with his own.

Ronan let Adam removed his shirt, and Adam let Ronan remove his, and they were pressed against one another, bare chest to bare chest. Adam rolled them over so he was on top and moved Ronan’s hand over his head with his own. Adam moved in and brutally assaulted Ronan’s mouth while straddling him. Ronan was once again trying to think of something to disrupt the growing urgency in his pants, but just as the thought of Orla in bikini popped into his head, Adam rolled his hips, grinding himself against Ronan, and Ronan lost all sense of reason again. 

Ronan moaned loudly, which Adam had never heard before, so uncensored. It made him groan in response as he leaned over and bit one of Ronan’s nipples, and then lightly sucked the ball of the metal bar in between his teeth. Ronan bucked his hips, and Adam took this as a sign of encouragement. He began to work his way down Ronan’s torso, light biting and licking and scraping. Just as he wedged a knee in between Ronan’s legs and was about to unbutton Ronan’s fly, Ronan came back to himself.

“Wait.” Ronan gasped.

Adam looked up, confused.

“I’ve never…I mean I’m not sure I’m ready…I want to…but…” Ronan fumbled for words.

Adam looked a little relieved. He had no idea what he was doing. And as much as he felt like he needed everything in that moment, he wasn’t sure he was ready for anything more either. He climbed back up Ronan and rested his head on Ronan’s chest; enjoyed the feel of the soft hairs on his cheek. Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam as they both tried to control their breathing.

“I’m sorry.” Ronan said quickly, kissing the top of Adam’s head.

“There is nothing to be sorry for. That was amazing. I just like being close to you.” Adam said contentedly.

“You probably think I’m a freak for being a fucking virgin at my age.” Ronan huffed.

“I mean, I’m only surprised because you are ridiculously hot, and I’ve seen how boys look at you.” Adam smiled into Ronan’s chest.

Adam was pretty sure he could feel Ronan’s skin heat up.

“I just…I guess I saw how my brother burned through girls like it was some sort of race, and I didn’t want to be like that. I mean, yeah, there had been flirting, and some kissing, but I’ve never like had a boyfriend before.” Ronan offered quietly.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. I mean, there was a girl in eighth grade that I went out with for like two weeks, and I don’t even know if we kissed more than a peck on the lips. I guess a girl frenched me once at a party my sophomore year. I just never had time; I never let myself have it. Even with you, of whom I am stupidly attracted to, it took me literal years to act on it.”

“Years? You didn’t even know my name until a month ago.” Ronan laughed.

“Yeah, but I saw you. I saw you watching me. And there were moments, moments where I thought, maybe I wanted to get to know you. I made excuses to walk by tennis practice way too often.” It was Adam’s turn to be embarrassed.

“So, what stopped you?” Ronan asked, a little sadly, mentally calculating all the hours they could have spent kissing.

“Time. You didn’t seem like someone I could just have something casual with. You seemed really intense, like someone who would consume a lot of my time.” Adam admitted.

Adam pulled back, and was surprised that Ronan looked a little hurt.

“I don’t want to ever take anything from you.” Ronan explained. “I just want to give you, whatever it is that you want.”

Adam smiled, and kissed Ronan’s temple.

“You already are.”

They fell asleep like that, underneath the summer sky. They woke up wrapped up in the blanket together, sleep warm and happy. The birds chirped happily and the sun rose. Ronan stretched and took a moment to admire Adam's quietly sleeping form. He would have given anything for his sketch pad in that moment. Ronan then glanced over at an angry red blinking. The light on Ronan’s phone was flashing furiously.

“Fuck.” Ronan said, scrambling for his phone. Ten missed calls.

“Adam…Adam…wake up.” Ronan jostled Adam, who was almost fused to Ronan’s side. Adam finally woke with a start, a slightly panicked look on his face. Ronan just held the phone up to Adam so he could see the time.

“Shit.” Adam hissed, already pulling on his t-shirt.

 

***

 

For all the complaining Ronan did about Declan, Ronan knew he could have had it a lot worse. Declan generally didn’t hassle Ronan about what Ronan did with his time. Declan just rolled his eyes when Ronan got a full back tattoo for his seventeenth birthday. Declan just sighed when Ronan came home with his lip pierced a few months ago. Declan just shook his head when Ronan started shaving his head at the age of sixteen. Except for some trouble from right before they moved to Seattle, Ronan was generally not too much of a thorn in Declan’s side.

Declan didn’t ask much from Ronan. Just that he take out the garbage, clean up after himself, and shower at least every other day. They were reasonable requests, and generally Ronan complied. And, generally, when Declan asked Ronan for a favor, he complied. That was until Ronan became sucked into Adam Parrish’s orbit. Ronan came in at all hours of the day and night, shirked his chores, and was very absent the past month.

Declan understood, he really did. He remembered being a horny teenager in the throes of first passions. He was happy for Ronan, he enjoyed seeing Ronan’s loose smile and how Ronan’s cheeks would flush when Adam called for him. Declan liked Adam too. Adam was smart, ambitious, and he doubted Ronan could talk Adam into doing anything too foolish.

He had just asked Ronan to do this one thing, but no, he was off with his boyfriend, again.

***

 

_Adam –_  
_Come to the gallery as soon as you get home._  
_~C_

Adam hurriedly changed his clothes, worried they smelled too much like Ronan and Ronan’s beer. He got into his car and sped off to the gallery. This was supposed to have been his last morning. Jeanine was on vacation and Colin was supposed to have been meeting with some clients. Adam practically ran into his uncle when coming through the front door.

“Colin, morning.” Adam drawled.

“You can stop with the accent kid. It doesn’t work with me. Where were you?” Colin said, attempting to hide his fury over having to cancel his meetings.

“I was hanging out with Ronan, we fell asleep.” Adam replied truthfully.

“I had to reschedule a very important meeting this morning so I could be here to meet clients. I had to rearrange things because you were out fucking your boyfriend.”

Adam winced at the terminology. It sounded so ugly and wrong.

“We weren’t doing anything. He just showed his brother’s farm and we fell asleep. I’m sorry.” Adam said sincerely.

“I don’t know if you should be hanging out with him anymore. It seems like he is a bad influence. This isn’t like you Adam, to shirk your responsibilities.”

“It won’t happen again.” Adam promised.

‘I’m serious. I have had a bad feeling about this from the start, and I really think you need to step back and rethink what your priorities are. Are you going to throw everything away because of some fling with an aimless, directionless, punk?”

Adam was trying to force his furry down. He knew Colin didn’t have any real power over him, but he also knew Colin could make Adam’s life uncomfortable if he chose to.

“I have my priorities in order. I’m still going to school in August. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me since I got off that plane six years ago. Why can’t I just be happy for this little bit?”

Colin didn’t care for the anguish in Adam’s voice. He didn’t realize the Lynch boy had so firmly hooked his claws into Adam.

“I can’t stop you, but you should think carefully about who you are getting yourself entangled with. The Lynch’s are bad news.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why don’t you ask Ronan’s brother, Declan, how their parents really died?”

And with that, Colin went to the back to wrap a piece, while Adam stood in the middle of the empty gallery, dumbfounded.

 

***

 

Ronan arrived home to find a very annoyed Blue coloring with a still sleepy Opal. He dropped his keys on the table, hung up his jacket, and made his way to the couch, to sit next to Blue.

“How pissed is he?” Ronan asked lowly.

“How pissed is he? How pissed am I? I got called in and had to work until after midnight last night, I didn’t get to sleep until almost two am because I had to do laundry, and then I get a call at 5:30 AM. Declan was in a panic, you weren’t answering your phone. Declan had to be in Tacoma with Matthew by 7:30 for his soccer thing.”

Ronan felt like shit. Declan almost never asked him to babysit. And Ronan loved hanging out with Opal, so it’s not like he minded. Declan had even reminded him not be out all night last night before when he had gone to pick up Adam.

“I fell asleep.” Ronan offered.

“Is that a euphemism for something to do with Adam?” Blue asked crossly.

“Yeah, I mean I was with Adam, but really, we just fell asleep out at the farm.”

“I’m starting to get worried about this Ronan. This thing with Adam. It’s only been a month, and you are so preoccupied with him….” Blue trailed off, not sure how to continue.

“Fuck – “ Ronan started.

“Jar!” Opal exclaimed, looking up from her coloring book for the first time.

“Sorry kid, go put this in the jar, and then would you give Blue and me a few minutes?” Ronan said kindly, as he gave Opal a five dollar bill.

Opal shrugged and wondered off to the kitchen. She had had the braces removed a couple of weeks ago, her walk was stiff, but physical therapy was supposed to help.

“It’s…it’s Adam.” Ronan said quietly.

Blue sighed, her anger evaporating. She knew Ronan wasn’t one to be free with his feelings or his declarations of said feelings. She just laced her tiny fingers with his large ones and squeezed.

“I get that, I do. But…he can’t be everything. What are you going to do when he’s gone? Do you really want to alienate the people who are still going to be here for you?” Blue asked sincerely.

Ronan sat still, it was obvious that he was trying to work something out. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share, or what there really was to share. He didn’t fully understand all of this himself. How could he explain that he felt physically empty when Adam wasn’t around? How could he form into words how Adam pretty much consumed his every waking thought? He didn’t have the right words for what Adam was to him. He also didn’t have the right words to relay what the thought of Adam being gone was doing to him. 

“It was a fucking mistake Sargent. It won’t happen again.” Ronan growled.

“Fine, be an asshole about it. Go take a shower and get some sleep. I already got someone to take my shift at the coffee shop this afternoon.” Blue sighed.

Ronan regretted his harsh tone. Blue was losing money because he was being irresponsible. The damage was done though. He just grunted and walked up the stairs. He took a quick shower and fell onto the bed, he was already thinking about the next time he would get to see Adam.

 

***

 

“Hey.” Adam said sleepily into his phone when Ronan called him later that night. 

Adam had not had the luxury of going home and crashing for another six hours. He helped his uncle out that morning as a peace offering, and then went to the community center to complete another four hours of volunteer work. He had come home, showered, threw a pair of sweats on, and had been sleeping for about five hours when Ronan called.

“Hey.” Ronan replied, also sleepily.

“You get into trouble?” Adam asked, concerned.

“More the ‘why do you insist on disappointing me at every turn’ lecture from Declan. I made Blue miss her shift today though because she had to watch Opal.” Ronan admitted guilty.

“Fuck.” Adam whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve been thinking though.” Ronan said cautiously. “Are we too wrapped up in…this?”

“Probably.” Adam answered honestly. “I’ve been blowing off my uncle, and Gansey, and I’ve cut back my hours at the center. I mean it hasn’t even been very long and this has just consumed me.”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen my friends, and I haven’t painted, and I don’t even…like…care.” Ronan admitted.

“Well, my uncle is taking me on a buyer’s trip to San Francisco next week, so that will be seven whole days where we won’t be doing any stupid shit with one another.”

Ronan swallowed. He supposed this would be a good practice run for when Adam was gone for good.

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.” Adam said sadly.

“How long?”

“Just a week.”

“That feels like a long time.” 

“Yeah, it does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is advancing the plot, even if it doesn't feel like it is. 
> 
> I love Adam and Ronan being in love, but I feel like I am going way too quick with all of this. I guess this is my fault, as I am trying to jam this plot into twelve weeks, and am not doing so great so far.
> 
> Thank you so much for the lovely comments. This has been so much fun to write. I'm very new at writing anything, and I think this is turning out OK. It's not like great, but I think it's readable. :)


	13. Maybe I'm Just Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan has to deal with way too many parents. Ronan and Adam get a little handsey.

The week droned on for Ronan. He felt empty. He hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to Adam before he left. He knew he was being a melodramatic, angst-ridden, teenager, but he didn’t care. If it was just that week, Ronan would have been OK, it still would have sucked, but he would know Adam was coming back. It wasn’t just this week though. In less than two months Adam would get on a plane, and Ronan would never see him again. That was what made his heart hurt.

His friends had tried to entertain him. He hung out with Noah at the skate park. 

“Dude, you have no chill.” Noah said as he sat next to Ronan on a cloudy Wednesday afternoon at the skate park.

“Fuck you.” Ronan replied somberly.

I know you don’t want to talk about it, which is totally cool, but you still have to like live your life. You are two separate people. You don’t see Henry anywhere around here, do you?” Noah asked.

Ronan was sometimes annoyed with how sage Noah could be given Noah acted like a silly, empty headed, stoner at least eighty-percent of the time. He was going to throw out that Noah and Henry had been together for almost a year, that it wasn’t the same, but then he couldn’t recall ever seeing Noah and Henry this consumed with one another. Ronan knew they loved each other, their relationship was so much more grounded than his and Adam’s own relationship. Ronan wasn’t sure if this was because he and Adam had an expiration date, or if it was because they were just starved for whatever this was between them.

“I know, it just sucks.” Ronan muttered as he kicked at the grass underneath the park bench they were sitting at.

“Yeah, yeah it does buddy.” Noah said, as he knocked his shoulders against Ronan’s. “Do you want to go shopping cart racing? Some fresh road burns would keep your mind occupied.”

Ronan contemplated this. It had been awhile since he had done anything reckless and stupid.

“OK, but I’m driving. You drive like you just got your license last month.”

“I did just get my license last month you asshole.” Noah replied with only the slightest tinge of annoyance in his voice.

 

***

 

Ronan let Gansey drag him to go hiking. 

“Why are we outside?” Ronan asked annoyed as they made their way through the park.

Ronan could feel his sunblock melting off his pale skin. The gnats and mosquitoes were out in full force due to the humidity and recent rain. Ronan couldn’t find his hiking boots, so he was wearing his Docs, which were obviously not hiking books. He was tired, miserable, missed Adam, and wanted to go back home and go to sleep. Gansey looked like he was finally home in the middle of the evergreens.

“Come on Ronan. This is good for you. Fresh air. Exercise. Something to keep you off your Adam fixation.” Gansey mused as they took a break, sitting on a fallen tree that was just starting to rot.

“I’m so happy everyone seems to know what is good for me.” Ronan said sarcastically as he sat next to Gansey, took Gansey’s canteen, and took a large drink.

“You are right. I shouldn’t presume to know what’s good for you. I am concerned though. None of us have really seen you or Adam for the past couple weeks. You know, we are your friends too.”

“I know man. I get it. I got the lecture from you, Noah, Blue, and Declan. Got it loud and clear. Adam and I have been selfish assholes.” Ronan replied sullenly.  
“That’s not fair Ronan. I do understand. I’m more worried about what will happen, after. What will you do when Adam goes to school? Do you plan on trying to keep up a long distance relationship? Will you break up? Have the two of you talked about any of this?”

Ronan started to get pissed off. He didn’t poke his nose in their business, even though he was constantly drug kicking and screaming into whatever melodrama was going on that week in his friend’s lives. What right did Gansey have to ask him about his relationship? He was an adult, he could do what he wanted to do. What he wanted to do, was not talk about it.

“Just leave it alone man. Let’s get through this stupid walk through nature.” 

 

***

 

Ronan spent the next day driving Blue around on errands. He was still trying to make up for her impromptu babysitting gig the week before. Blue had been friends with Ronan long enough to not pry into his relationship with Adam. If Ronan wanted to tell her anything, he would.

“Have you thought about going to art school?” Blue asked as Ronan pulled into Target’s parking lot.

“Where is this coming from?” Ronan asked, suspiciously.

“Well, you know. Mom is friends with Calla, and sometimes Calla puts a little too much whiskey in her tea, which loosens up her tongue. She might have mentioned how one of my asshole friends was passing up an amazing opportunity.” Blue replied honestly.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.” Ronan mumbled as he started to chew on his wrist band.

“Maybe you should. I don’t know what will happen with you and Adam, but he can’t be your whole reason for existing.”

“I know.”

“OK, you are really frustrating sometimes. I get you don’t want to talk about this, but at least think about it.” Blue expressed to Ronan.

Ronan nodded his head and got out of the car. Blue followed suit. He wasn’t sure why Blue thought going to Target at ten in the morning on a Saturday was a good idea, but he enjoyed scaring the soccer moms in their yoga pants.

 

***

 

Henry took Ronan to a movie.

“You ready to see Will Smith kill some alien baddies?” Henry asked enthusiastically as he any Ronan stood in line for tickets.

Ronan shrugged. His indifference to seeing this movie was at a whole new level of indifference.

“Ever the conversationalist.” Henry said good naturedly, knocking his shoulder against Ronan’s.

To Henry’s credit he didn’t ask Ronan anything about Adam, or about Ronan’s plans for the future. By the time they watched the blockbuster movie and ate a fast food dinner, Henry had moved up considerably on the list of people Ronan liked.

 

*** 

 

Ronan did try to process and think about what his friends were saying. He thought he understood. And he needed to figure out what to do with his life, that he couldn’t live for Adam. He didn’t think he could admit this out loud, but he was afraid of becoming an adult. He didn’t want to end up in some soul sucking corporate job like Declan. He didn’t want to wear a uniform in a civil service job like Blue’s stepfather, Dean. He didn’t want to own a business like Blue’s Mom’s bakery. Most of the adults Ronan knew didn’t seem to enjoy what they did all that much. He didn’t want to be beholden to anything like that. He didn’t want to be miserable.

He spent the next day pouring through the art school acceptance letters and sent out some emails and arranged times to do a couple of Skype interviews. He wasn’t even positive he wanted to be an artist, but maybe if he actually reached for something, he could have it. It had worked with Adam at any rate.

Ronan was relieved the day before Adam came back from California. He missed Adam like crazy. He was irritable and itchy from the absence. Mostly though he was tired of the pitying looks from his friends and family, but he understood they were worried for him. That didn’t stop him from being annoyed by everyone trying to parent him all week.  
“So, Adam’s getting back tomorrow?” Declan asked casually while they sat down for dinner.

“Yeah, he gets in around three tomorrow afternoon. I’m going to pick him up from his house around six.” Ronan tonelessly replied as started cutting up his enchilada.

“What are you guys going to do?” Matthew asked. “Joe and I are going bowling if you want to come.”

“Thanks Mattie, but I think we are just going to drive around.” Ronan shrugged.

“Are you planning on coming home at a decent time?” Declan asked, as he tried not to sound like the parent he reluctantly was.

“I’ll probably be out all night.” Ronan answered honestly.

“I guess thanks for at least letting me know this time.” Declan muttered as he scooped some Spanish rice onto his plate.

Ronan scowled and shuffled food around on his plate.

 

***

 

It took every ounce of willpower Ronan possessed not to maul Adam when he picked him up from his house the evening Adam got back. Adam had gotten some sun, and his already tanned body took on a new glow. He looked good, happy, and Ronan didn’t see a time any time soon where he wouldn’t want to spend every moment looking into those eyes, thrilling at that brilliant white smile. He was so far gone. He let his mind wander to the irrational, not being able to survive without this dusty haired boy in his life.

 

***

 

Adam was draped over Ronan in the back seat of the BMW. They were parked illegally in the parking lot of a small park off the sound. It was nearly midnight, and it was unseasonably chilly for it being the middle of July. Ronan hung his jacket over Adam’s bare shoulders as they continued to hungrily kiss.

“Are you OK back here?” Ronan asked, concerned.

“I’m OK, are you OK? You’re shaking.” Adam asked, equally concerned, as he kissed the stubble along Ronan’s jawline.

“No, I mean I’m fine. I don’t think I’m shaking.” Ronan said he ran his fingers along Adam’s back.

He was definitely shaking. Adam was straddling him in the back seat of his car. Their shirts had been quickly removed. Everything felt hurried, frantic, frenzied at first. Adam had bit his should so hard when Ronan had casually moved his hand to past the lower curve of Adam’s back, that Ronan was pretty sure he was going to have a bruise tomorrow. He was very sure he didn’t care. It was fine when everything was going too fast for his brain to keep up with it. Now things had slowed, and Ronan was very aware of what they were doing.

“I’m pretty sure you’re shaking.” Adam smirked a little as his fingers hovered over the fly of Ronan’s jeans.

“I don’t think so.” Ronan retorted as he ran his fingers over Adam’s light, and sparse, chest hair.

“Maybe you’re cold.” Adam hummed as he unbuttoned Ronan’s jeans.

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s not it.” Ronan replied as he lifted his hips in the confined space of the car.

Ronan brought Adam to him, to kiss him lazily, slowly, and dirtily. It was not a kiss appropriate for children. Ronan felt’s Adam’s tongue join briefly with his own, as Adam tugged Ronan’s pants down. Ronan felt so exposed, especially since he had decided underwear had not be needed for the evening. He tried not to feel silly or nervous as he was pressed against Adam’s stomach.

“Then why are you shaking?” Adam whispered, as he licked his palm and reached his hand down between them.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just happy.” Ronan breathed into Adam’s mouth.

It didn’t last long, as they just breathed into one another’s mouths while Adam took to his task. Adam had tried to suggest he wanted to do more by slowing moving his mouth down Ronan’s bare chest, but Ronan just brought Adam up to him and explained what they were doing was plenty with a heady kiss. Ronan cleaned himself off with his shirt, not really processing what had just happened. He pushed Adam on it his back on the opposite side of the car, and soon Adam was cleaning himself up.

The huddled together under an old blanket found in the trunk. It smelled vaguely of gasoline, but Ronan was fine with that. He had always found the smell intoxicating. Adam laid on top of Ronan, Ronan stroked Adam’s hair.

“So, that happened.” Ronan sighed, happily.

“Yeah, it did.” Adam grinned into Ronan’s chest.

“Did it freak you out?” Ronan asked, honestly concerned.

Adam brought his head up and looked Ronan in the eye, confused.

"I just wasn’t sure…if you would…like…want to touch me like that.” Ronan confessed.

“Jesus Ronan, I would have done more than that if you had let me.” Adam smiled, embarrassed, but happy. “This isn’t just some experiment for me.”

“So, when did you know, that you liked both?” Ronan asked, curiously.

“Let’s see, how old was I the first time I saw Star Wars?” Adam laughed.

“Let me guess, a Solo guy. I always liked Luke myself. Why is Harrison Ford queer guy bait?” Ronan shrugged.

“Got a thing for dirty blondes?” Adam teased, ignoring the latter part.

As far as Adam was concerned, Harrison Ford in the early to mid-eighties was every person’s type.

“Fuck, I think I do.” Ronan sounded a little shocked by the realization.

“Well, I suppose you and Declan have something in common after all.” Adam laughed, happily. “When did you know?” 

“Always I think. I think my Dad knew, but he never said anything. I think my grandpa suspected, he was always yelling homophobic shit at my Dad. And I don’t know why I thought I was being so stealthy with Declan. I’m pretty sure he took this job here just because of my sexuality.” Ronan said thoughtfully.

“You think it will ever be less hard, to be queer?”

“Well, neither of us are going to get arrested for giving each other hand jobs, so it’s better than it was thirty years ago. I don’t get it. I’m hot as fuck, you’d think straight guys would be thrilled I’m not into chicks.” Ronan half-joked.

“You are pretty pleasing to look at.” Adam admitted, and he brought Ronan in for a kiss that lingered a little longer than anticipated.

“So, what was your dad like?” Adam asked Ronan, as he stifled a yawn.

“When I was a kid I thought he hung the moon. He took us to all of these cool places, he taught us how to fight, how to sing, and how to tell some good dirty jokes. I guess, though, after growing up, and watching Declan be an actual parent, my Dad wasn’t that great at it. He was my friend, not really my Dad. I’ve asked Declan what Dad did exactly, but I always get a vague answer. I think it might have been something illegal. I kind of do, and don’t, want to know.” Ronan mused.

“Oh, I know Colin is doing something illegal. I think he knew your Dad somehow. He’s warned me a couple times not to get too wrapped up in your family.” Adam admitted.  
“Your uncle is a creepy prick. Why don’t you just stay with us until you go to school?” Ronan asked, not really thinking about what he was asking.

“You want us to live together?” Adam asked, eyebrow raised.

“Fuck, no…I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you are eighteen now, why not just leave?”

Adam sighed, he didn’t want to get Ronan involved with any of this.

“Colin knows a lot of bad people, and he’s under investigation. That means he doesn’t want anything suspicious to happen. It would look weird if I moved in with your family a little over a month before I leave for England. He’s not going to hurt me, it’s just better to placate him right now.” Adam explained.

Ronan tensed up, he didn’t like the thought of Adam being in an environment like that. But, Adam was smart and capable, Ronan summed Adam would come to him if that was no longer the case.

“OK, please just tell me if you need somewhere to crash.” Ronan replied, and kissed the top of Adam’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is a lot of filler, but the car scene did take place in the movie, and I am pretty happy with how that part of this turned out. The first half of this chapter is kind of meh. I feel like I was just reiterating things the reader already knew.
> 
> Honest question - is this still in the realm of teen audience? I don't think I am making anything too graphic, but my idea of tame, might not be someone else's. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. The goal is to have this whole thing posted by Christmas at the latest. I want to say I have about two thirds of it written, so as long as I post 2-3 times a week, everything should be up in time for presents. Not that this is a gift. This is a glorified writing assignment I gave myself so I can fully appreciate how little I know about writing.
> 
> Thank you so much for the supportive comments!


	14. Get On That Plane Next Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan's friends find out what Ronan and Adam have been up to, and Adam takes Piper out to lunch,

“Oh, so you do still live here.” Colin said snidely as he flipped the pages of his newspaper.

Adam had just slunk in the door at seven AM. He and Ronan had spent the majority of the evening talking and making out in the back seat of Ronan’s car. Adam’s shirt was on inside out, he had a glaringly obvious stain on his jeans, and he had bite marks along his shoulder. He didn’t think he had ever been happier. Colin’s sharp tone pulled him out of his reverie.

“Sorry, we lost track of the time.” Adam said.

He and Colin had been on shaky ground since before their trip to San Francisco. Adam thought he had done enough, scraping, bowing, and placating to get his uncle off his back for at least a few weeks. Apparently, he was wrong.

“You should be sorry, wasting your time like this.”

“I was irresponsible, I should have called.”

“Yes, you have a mobile, so does Ronan. Would it have killed you to make a call in between mauling one another’s flesh?”

“OK, I get it. I will call from now on. I know this is a bad time for you with the investigation, but…”

“Don’t turn this around on me. Are you, actually sleeping with him?” Colin ask, his throat sick with disgust.

Adam knew this wasn’t because Ronan was a boy. This was because Colin had some inexplicable hate for the Lynch’s.

“Do you really want to know? Sounds like you already have it all figured out.” Adam said petulantly from his perch at the base of the stairs.

“Just make things easier for me. Tell me what you were doing. Maybe I was wrong, I just know this is horseshit. I have better things to do that keep track of where you are at all hours of the day.” Colin spat, slightly losing his sense of composure.

“I…ummm….we were…”Adam paused, “I was with him all night, isn’t that good enough?”

“Were you having sex?”

“No, not in the way you are thinking of.” Adam skirted as painlessly as he could.

“Sit down.” Colin commanded.

Adam backed away from the stairs and went to sit in the living room on the couch, the opposite of Colin.

“Explain.” Colin prodded.

“I really like him. This isn’t just like, a thing. I’m not just sewing my wild oats or whatever. That first night we went out, when he was walking me home, he stopped me from tripping over a hunk of cement on the sidewalk. It could have busted my face open. He was that aware of me. And I think of that when people ask me why I am ‘wasting’ my time with Ronan. And I don’t get nervous around him like I do with other people. I told him we should just be friends at first, and I did try. But then I became aware of how he was looking at me, it was more than…just like physical…you know?”

Colin’s face was impassive.

“And then, well, I guess I started looking at him back. It just happened. I am…I mean…we are being careful.”

“You know, I’m concerned with your health. Kids your age with your proclivities have a higher risk rate.” Colin recited.

Adam snorted.

“Yeah, I don’t think you have to worry about that with us. Are we done?”

Colin just nodded. None of the little seeds he had been planting in Adam’s mind were taking. Colin had thought a week away from that insipid Lynch boy would get Adam’s head back on straight. He had spent years grooming Adam for Laumonier. That was the only thing saving Colin at this point, the promise of a protégé like Adam. Laumonier had been watching Adam over the years, he would be a very useful asset with the right education and the right position. That fucking Lynch kid was screwing everything up.

 

***

 

“You look different.” Blue observed as they perused headphones at a local music store.

“It’s just my face Sargent.” Ronan said with practice nonchalance.

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” Noah squealed while fiddling with a pair of drumsticks he picked up from the display drum set at the front of the store.

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell.” Ronan said diplomatically, with only the faintest hint of a smirk.

“Oh, my God, you got biblical with Adam Parrish.” Henry nearly skipped, taking his boyfriend’s hand, twirling Noah happily.

Luckily, they were the only ones in the store, so there was no one to witness the idiocy in action.

“Jesus Ronan, you’ve given every desperate nerd out there, hope. You should be on like Donahue or something.” Blue said, only half-joking.

“Will you idiots calm down. One would think you were the ones hooking up with Adam.” Ronan scowled, looking at another set of headphones. “Besides, nothing has really changed.”

“No, everything has changed. You had sex. It doesn’t matter what happened exactly, nothing will ever be the same between the two of you. You might be sixty. You might be walking down the street, and you’ll run into Adam, you’ll talk to him about something, whatever, but you’ll be thinking ‘I touched his penis.” Blue explained.

“Is there a point to this?” Ronan sighed.

“Dude, you need to do something big. You have to make a statement.” Noah chimed in.

“Wait a minute…” Henry was cut off.

“You have to show him respect.” Blue threw in.

“Wait…” Henry was cut off once again.

“And just because this happened once, doesn’t give you the right to…” Blue was cut off.

“You know, you guys never let me talk.” Henry pouted.

“OK, sorry babe, talk.” Noah said soothingly, as he petted the top of Henry’s gloriously spiked hair.

“Now I can’t remember…” Henry paused. “Ah yes, you both should butt out and let Ronan do what he wants. It’s not like he asked for your advice to begin with.” Henry finished.

Ronan nodded at Henry approvingly. Blue and Noah both looked appropriately chastised.

“Yeah, assholes, I already have it figured out. I got him this book of Latin poems, it was one of his favorites in school, and I’m going to make him dinner at the farm next week when his uncle is out of town.” Ronan explained, only the mildest flush creeping up his neck.

“I think maybe I went after the wrong boy.” Noah joked while Henry looked a little put out.

“Me too.” Blue proclaimed a little dreamily. “Huh…I didn’t know you were such a sap.” 

“Fuck you, maggot.” Ronan said affectionately.

“It’s sappy, but I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get into Parrish’s pants again.” Henry joked.

“Seriously, I will kill all of you if you ever breath a word of this. Adam would probably never talk to me again if he knew I told you.” Ronan threatened.

“Relax, if Adam is even half as in love with you, as you are with him, then I think you both will be in for some great things.” Blue said compassionately.

Ronan just smiled his loose, happy, smile and backed away towards the cash register to buy his new headphones.

 

***

 

“Hey Piper, thanks for meeting me.” Adam said as he held the chair out for his aunt.

“Such southern manners.” Piper complimented. “So, what can I help you with?”

Adam had invited Piper out for lunch, hoping he could get some information about Colin out of her. Colin had been extra cagy the past few days. Adam had purposefully not seen Ronan for the past three days. He thought that would cool Colin off, but Colin still wanted to know where Adam was at every hour of every day. It was exhausting. Colin had also gotten twitchier as agents were investigating every aspect of Colin’s life.

“It’s about Colin.”

“Ugh, that investigation. So many boring questions. I made sure to make Colin look like the proper asshole he is, or whatever.”

“How bad is it? Is he guilty?” Adam asked, taking a drink out of his water glass.

He didn’t really enjoy eating at high scale restaurants, but he knew Piper wouldn’t eat anywhere that didn’t have cloth napkins, actual silverware, or waitstaff that weren’t complete condescending assholes.

“He’s totally guilty. I’m not sure if it guns or drugs, or maybe guns and drugs…but he’s definitely trafficking something illegal. He is done, and is soon to be someone’s bitch.”  
Piper declared happily.

“OK, that’s good to know. Do you know anything about Niall Lynch?”

“Oh…Niall…he was quite the scoundrel. He worked for Colin’s boss to. I guess they never got along. And then Niall took the Japanese market from Colin, and he totally flipped. He had a guy stage an accident to get rid of Niall.” Piper rattled on, completely flippant about talking about murder for hire over a Caesar salad.

Adam almost choked on his water.

“What? Colin had Niall murdered.”

“That’s what he said, he could have just been trying to impress me, it’s tough to tell with him. He lies so much. I mean he was probably telling the truth, because that would have made sense, but I don’t like have any proof.”

“Do you know anyone who might?” Adam asked hopefully.

“Kid, I’m going to offer you some advice. Get on that plane next month, and never look back. I know Ronan is handsome, dangerous, and has your hormones colliding like crazy, but I wouldn’t get mixed up with his family, and I wouldn’t cross Colin.” Piper said seriously as she picked croutons out of her salad, calories and whatnot.

“I can’t just let this go.” Adam seemed flabbergasted by the suggestion.

“You think Niall is the first person Colin has made disappear?” Piper replied with a raised eyebrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to post two chapters tonight. A) This chapter is basically short filler exposition B) I have not posted since Sunday. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder and was on muscle relaxers all week, which are not exactly helpful with coherent thought, at least not for a light weight like me. 
> 
> Also, I am kind of stuck. I have been staring at chapter 18 all week, and I am just not feeling it.


	15. Just Leave It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Declan confronts Ronan about his plans for the future. Some art is perused, some hot dogs are eaten, coffee is drank, and a kiss by the lake.

“Parrish.” Ronan said softly as he opened the front door.

It was the first time he had seen Adam since their night together in the back seat of his BMW. He tried to force his mind away from the memory. But the thought of Adam’s slightly stubbled jaw rubbing against his neck was causing him to lose focus. Ronan glanced away from Adam’s face, only to find himself staring at Adam’s hands, which wasn’t any better. Those hands were basically his reason for breathing. Fuck, he could feel his cheeks warming. He looked away from Adam altogether and motioned for Adam and Ben to come inside.

Ronan burned all the brighter when Adam kissed his cheek while sliding past him.

Ronan had offered to show Adam and Ben some of his work. He was still deciding about art school and he had to put together a professional portfolio if he decided to schedule interviews. He knew Adam should have a good eye, even though Adam professed to not know how to draw much more than a stick figure. And Ben also had an interest in art, so Ronan said he could tag along.

“Hey Adam.” Blue greeted enthusiastically, arm slung around Gansey’s waist.

“Hello, Adam.” Gansey echoed, looking entirely too pleased with his lot in life at that moment.

“So…things are good?” Adam asked skeptically.

“Yes, Jane and I came to an understanding, a compromise.” Gansey said, rolling out the word compromise as if it was a new and foreign concept he wasn’t familiar with.

“I’m going to go to community college on my own dime, but I’m going to live with Gansey.” Blue explained.

“Your Mom is OK with this?” Adam asked. He didn’t know Blue’s Mom very well, having only met the woman once, but he thought they seemed a little young to be living together.

“Whatever. Declan would be over-the-moon if you took me off his hands.” Ronan said flippantly while everyone stood in the foyer awkwardly, waiting for him to realize what he said.

“What?” Ronan glowered at his friends.

“Never mind.” Blue said, shaking her head sadly.

Ronan wouldn’t realize he had basically offered to move in with Adam until several days later, and then thought, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“This is very exciting.” Gansey said as they made their way up the stairs.

“What?” Adam asked.

“No one has ever been inside the mind of Ronan Lynch before. I doubt there will be much there.” Blue said with a flippancy to match Ronan’s as she knocked her way past Ronan on the stairs.

“Why are you here then?” Ronan asked impatiently.

“It’s summer, everything is in re-runs.” Blue laughed as she reached the top of the stairs.

Adam hung back with Ben, who had yet to utter a word. Unlike Ronan, Adam was not great with children. He had the superficial nicety when it came to handling children that most adults possessed, but he would often overreact to crying children, or wouldn’t want to deal with the more difficult kids. He wasn’t sure why he had taken such a liking to Ben. Ben was quiet and a little moody. Adam didn’t even really know much about Ben except that he had a single Mom and an older brother. There was something about Ben’s quiet curiosity that spoke to Adam though. So, Adam made a point of encouraging Ben in anything the boy took an interest in. Right now, the boy seemed very interested in painting.

“It’s fine if you don’t like something…just keep your mouth shut about it.” Ronan grumbled and he fished the key to the door out.

Adam was first impressed with the size of the room. It felt like it was the size of his parent’s doublewide back in Virginia. There was a light, airy quality to the room; large windows facing the lake, the walls were a breezy pale off white, an unfinished hardwood floor covered in paint ran from wall to wall. The room was bare of furniture, but there were stacks of canvases in various state of finish throughout the room. There were two-by-four shelves along one wall, separated by cinder blocks that held Ronan’s art supplies.

Adam wasn’t sure where to start.

“Ben, don’t touch anything, if you want something pulled out, just ask Ronan and he’ll help you, OK?” Adam instructed Ben.

Ben just shook his head that he understood and wandered off.

“Jesus Ronan.” Blue said looking at a large canvas of a forest. 

The forest reminded Adam of Ronan’s tattoo. It was lovely and dark. Upon first glance, it looked like a whimsical forest, but upon closed inspection there were malevolent force weaved into the canopy, snarling beasts and malicious demons. It had a very biblical feel to it, and caused Adam to shudder. 

“Yeah, that’s a holdover from the terror of Sunday school.” Ronan said dismissively, obviously not feeling it was as worthy of the attention the rest of them were giving it.  
Adam spent way too long staring at a painting in the corner of a silhouette of two men in an embrace that was just behind a comically charming portrait of Chainsaw wearing a tiara and tutu. He felt Ronan come up behind him, but Ronan resisted the urge to touch Adam in front of the others.

“Yeah, I can’t do people or animals. I mean technically I can sketch someone, and you can tell who it is supposed to be, but I can’t get what makes them…you know…them. They always feel cold, kind of empty.” Ronan explained, gesturing toward the silhouette painting.

“So what are you doing here?” Adam asked curiously.

“I’m trying to get the feeling first, I guess work backwards. I honestly have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t have any kind of real training. I mean I’m not counting public school art class where the only requirement is you do…something…no matter how terrible.”

“Fuck Ronan, imagine if you had a real teacher. Real classes. Real studying. I mean you could do anything.” Adam said in awe.

Ronan checked to make sure everyone was out of earshot before whispering to Adam.

“You are such a fucking nerd. It’s kind of hot.” 

Adam was equally annoyed and aroused.

“You aren’t going to distract me with your face…and your words. You really could do something with this.” Adam said honestly.

Ronan did not enjoy sincere compliments or encouragement which cut through his bravado. He walked away from Adam without saying anything to find Blue and Gansey laughing delightfully over caricatures Ronan had done of all of them. Ronan knew he had no future in that kind of art, but it did make him feel good that his friends enjoyed it. He made a note to get some of them framed. They would all be spread out in less than two months. He wanted them all something to remember him by.

“Ronan, these are wonderful. Why did you wait so long before showing us any of this?” Gansey asked seriously.

“I never knew what to do with it.” Ronan said honestly.

And he still didn’t. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be an artist. He wasn’t sure if he could be a real artist. The opinions of a couple of friends and the boy who enjoyed kissing him probably weren’t the best critics. There was a plan starting to slowly form in the back of his mind, but he wasn’t sure what to make of it yet, he wasn’t even sure what it entailed.

 

***

 

They were in the backyard, enjoying grilled burgers and hot dogs, curtesy of Declan that evening. Henry and Noah had joined them after they were done suffering through an afternoon with Noah’s family. Noah’s family adored Henry, not that they knew Henry was Noah’s boyfriend. Noah’s sisters knew, but Noah had decided to wait until right before he got on the plane for Northwestern before telling them. He thought a couple thousand miles distance would soften the blow. They were now sitting with their thighs and shoulders flushed at the deck table, right in front of Declan. Things sure had changed since Adam showed up.

Ronan and Adam were not being as obvious. For Adam, it was out of respect for Declan and Matthew. He assumed (correctly) that the brothers didn’t want to see the middle Lynch being affectionate with anyone, especially having never seen it before. They sat next to one another on the other side of the table, but they left plenty of room for Jesus. Besides, Blue and Gansey were being gross enough for everyone. 

“I see you two have everything worked out.” Declan said dryly and he scooped some grocery store potato salad onto his plate.

“For now.” Blue stated mischievously, as she dumped some banana peppers onto her hotdog.

“How’s everything going with getting ready for school Adam?” Declan asked, honestly curious.

He noticed the obvious tension between Adam and Ronan at the question. Declan sighed. He thought Ronan was kidding when he said they weren’t going to worry about the future. He didn’t want to think about the mess he was going to have to clean up at the end of next month.

“I got all of my dorm information. I’ve talked to my roommate a couple times on the phone. He seems nice enough, and he’s definitely Scottish. I’m still waiting for my plane ticket. And I weirdly need luggage. I’ve never been anywhere that really required it. I could usually carry anything I needed in my carry on.” Adam said with a shrug.

“What about you Ronan, have you thought about what you are going to do this fall?” Declan asked, knowing he was being an asshole, but feeling like his brother’s current tactic was not the healthiest.

Ronan silently fumed.

“Well, Declan. I am taking a gap year. I got my admission to Brown deferred for a year. I’m going to see some of the country. Ronan is more than welcome to hang out with me.” Henry offered.

“Yeah, it’s going to suck, but Henry decided this is what we need to do.” Noah continued. “I mean I’m doing what I need to do, and Henry is doing what he needs to do, but we’ll figured everything out. It’s not forever, it’s just college.” Noah explained, as he grabbed a bag of potato chips.

“OK, and I understand that. But, what are you going to do Ronan? I’m fine with you not going to school right away, but you can’t just sit around and what, wait?” Declan asked, voice dripping with sincere concern.

Ben and Matthew finally started to pay attention to the conversation as it was obvious Ronan was fuming by this point. If there hadn’t been children present, Ronan probably would have taken a swing at Declan. He didn’t, and he wouldn’t. Declan would never hit back, especially not outside of a sparring match.

“I’m not a fucking idiot.” Ronan explained in a dark, low, dangerous voice. “So what, you thought this would be good conversation to have in front of all of my friends?”

“You just walk away from me when I bring it up between just the two of us.” Declan explained, exasperated.

“We aren’t ignoring my leaving Declan. I promise. We both understand. We just need a little time to figure out what we want to do.” Adam explained patiently.

Adam grabbed Ronan’s hand under the table, anchoring him. Ronan forced himself to breath and to focus on Adam’s hand, not on his anger.

“Just leave it.” Was the only thing Ronan would offer.

Declan wisely let the subject drop. There were several minutes of awkward shuffling and eating. Yes, Declan had been an asshole to bring up Ronan and Adam’s impending separation so openly, but he hadn’t said anything that the others hadn’t thought about since the first of June. It had been hilarious to watch Ronan squirm over his hopeless crush. Even Gansey, who knew Ronan and Adam fairly well, didn’t see anyway where Ronan and Adam would fit together as seamlessly as they did. They were all worried about what would happen to Ronan when Adam was gone.

“So, Matthew, are you ready to start high school next year?” Blue asked kindly, ready to change the subject.

It was Matthew’s turn to blush profusely at Blue’s attention.

 

***

 

Adam and Ronan were sitting on the front porch watching Ben and Matthew play catch. Gansey and Blue had left to go see a movie, some horrible foreign language thing that not even Adam sounded interested in. Henry’s Mom was out of town, which explained Noah and Henry’s sudden departure as soon as root beer floats had been devoured, and it was obvious the evening’s drama had come to an end.

“Do you want to talk about it yet?” Adam asked kindly, rubbing his hand up and down Ronan’s shoulder, but not doing anything more.

“No.” Was all Ronan would offer in return.

Adam had started to pick up on this. Ronan shutting down. He wasn’t always the ebullient, delightfully awkward boy who had picked him up for a graduation party. Adam wouldn’t call it manic, it wasn’t that extreme. But it did seem at times Ronan didn’t have a firm grasp on the spectrum of emotions. He was either consumed with joy and passion or on fire with anger and misery. There didn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground.

Adam had not been lying to Declan. He wanted to figure things out with Ronan. He wanted them to have a plan before he left. He wanted to talk to Ronan about Piper and his uncle as well, but now was not the time. There was no point in trying to talk to Ronan when he was like this. He looked like he was spoiling for a fight, and Adam did not want to give him one. He assumed once they started fighting, they may never stop. Both boys had been on their best behavior for the most part, but Adam knew that couldn’t last forever. He didn’t want it to last forever.

Before Adam could say anything else, an older model Ford Taurus came pulling up the driveway. An attractive, tall, woman around thirty got of the car. Adam knew her from somewhere, he was drawing a blank. He looked over to Ronan, and Ronan had a complicated look on his face. He stood up and walked towards the woman.

“Mrs. Skovron?” Ronan questioned.

“Ronan, please it’s just Peterson now, Alex.” Alex smiled, the same smile as Skov, except without the blind idiocy that seemed to encase Skov. “I haven’t seen you around the house lately.”

“Blake and I don’t really hang out anymore.” Ronan replied honestly. 

“That asshole Kavinsky?” Alex inquired.

Ronan just shrugged in the affirmative.

“Mom.” Ben yelled excitedly as he ran up to his Mom.

“Hey baby, did you have fun today?” She asked, hugging her son closer to her. 

“Yeah, Ronan has some wicked dark paintings. He said I could come over sometime to paint if that would be OK.” It was the most Ben had spoken all afternoon.

Before Alex could say anything, Declan came bursting out of the house, still wearing dish gloves.

“Jesus Christ Ronan, I said your friends can’t part their shitty cars right in front of the house…it’s bad enough…” Declan stopped abruptly when he saw Ben’s Mom standing there in front of her “shitty” car. She didn’t look mad, she just raised an eyebrow at Declan.

Declan had the decency to look embarrassed as he approached Alex, Ronan, and Ben. Adam decided to stay exactly where he was, he was enjoying the show.

“Fuck, sorry. I’m Declan, Ronan’s older brother.” Declan said as he held out his hand.

Alex looked at his yellow gloved hand, unimpressed. Declan noticed, and quickly removed the glove, and shoved it in the back pocket for his two-hundred-dollar jeans. Ronan looked like all the agony of earlier had evaporated, and this was the greatest thing he had seen since Tad Carruthers got stuck in a toilet Sophomore year. Declan tried again.

“Alex, I’m Blake and Ben’s Mom.”

“Blake Skovron?” Declan asked wearily. That beast of a boy had accidentally torn down the basketball hoop over the garage down trying to dunk a couple of years ago. It had cost a couple grand to repair the damage.

“The one and only.” Alex said, resigned herself. “How was Ben?”

“Ben is a great kid.” Declan said honestly. “Definitely causes less property damage.”

He smiled the smile Ronan hated, and Alex laughed honestly. Ronan suddenly didn’t like this conversation. He liked Ben, and he didn’t want Ben’s Mom to end up a notch in Declan’s ever expanding belt. He scowled.

“OK, I think Ben is tired and needs to get to bed.” Ronan said, the best he could come up with on his feet.

“It’s eight o’clock.” Declan replied, annoyed. “Alex, would you like some coffee, I just made a pot as I was doing the dishes.”

“That would be great. I haven’t talked to another adult in ages.” She smiled and followed Declan into the house.

Ben just shrugged and went back to playing catch with Matthew. Ronan was fuming again. Adam walked up to Ronan and placed a hand on his chest, trying to ground Ronan, to keep him from lashing out. 

“Hey, why don’t we take a walk around the lake and you tell me what all of that was about. I’ll even let you hold my hand.” Adam winked, as he held out his hand.

Ronan reluctantly took Adam’s hand, and they made their way around the house. Ronan didn’t really give a shit who saw him and Adam. Now that he wasn’t hiding from Declan, he didn’t want to hide from anyone. He knew he and Adam had to be careful when being in certain parts of the city, but the houses were spread out, and there wasn’t usually anyone loitering around the lake at twilight.

Ronan explained to Adam how Skov’s Mom had gotten pregnant with Blake when she was thirteen or fourteen, and Skov’s dad was a low level runner in his twenties. The consent of the union was still up for debate. Legally, it was never legal, and even Skovron’s associates found his infatuation with Alex disturbing, but not enough to do anything to prevent him from marrying her as soon as she was legally old enough. Ronan said he thought Skov’s Dad worked for the same people Colin worked for. The elder Skovron was busted for trafficking when Ben was three. Alex gave up everything to get divorced, and was a dental hygienist raising two kids. Ronan had never seen Ben the couple times he had been to Skov’s house.

“So, what was with the face when Declan asked her in for coffee?”

“She’s been through enough bullshit, without my brother fucking her over.” Ronan said as he kicked some sticks out of their way.

“Well, she is an adult, and it is just coffee.” Adam reasoned.

“I saw his shitty smile. It’s the smile he uses when he sees something new and shiny he wants to stick his dick in.” 

Ronan was clearly worked up again, so Adam stopped them. Ronan turned to look at Adam, his face complicated with emotion again.

“Can I ask you a question and you aren’t going to lose it on me?” Adam asked sincerely.

“Depends.” Ronan said at first, but then he shook his head yes.

“How many girlfriends has Declan had since he got divorced?” Adam asked.

Ronan jaw ticked. He was mostly pissed Adam had noticed this before Ronan.

“One, it didn’t last very long.” Ronan muttered.

“And, how many friends does Declan have?”

Ronan drew a complete blank. Declan had work associates he had dinners with and went golfing with, but Declan had never had a Blue, or a Gansey, or a Noah. He had had tons of friends he was Ronan’s age. Declan had played Rugby, and was very popular in school. There were always boys at the house when Declan was in high school. Declan even had a lot of friends in college, until his parents had died. The extent of Declan’s social life currently was feeding his brother’s friends, and falling asleep through movies. Ronan felt ashamed, not that he would ever admit that to Adam.

“OK, point taken.” Ronan pouted.

“I mean Ben’s Mom is very pretty, but maybe Declan just wanted to talk to someone else who had a mortgage and kids. It’s not that crazy of an idea.”

“I said, I get it.” Ronan said, pulling Adam to him. “You are way too good for me Adam Parrish, you know that?”

“Whatever. I’m just able to see things more objectively than you. I’m not wrapped up in your family like you are. I get Declan can be an asshole, this afternoon being exhibit A, but he means well.” Adam said, lifting himself up on his tiptoes so he could chastely kiss Ronan.

“I know. What do you want to do tonight?” Ronan asked, just now realizing how insanely romantic it was to be standing along the water at dusk.

“I’d say we could go make out at my house to a change, but Colin is there, and has been in a worse mood than usual. Plus, I doubt you’ll want to leave Declan and Ben’s Mom alone. I think I might call it a night. I promised Gansey I’d go to the Farmer’s Market tomorrow morning, so he’ll want to get there at like six am. Practice the absence makes the heart grow fonder thing?”

Adam realized what he said as soon as it left his lips.

‘Awe, Ro’…I didn’t mean it like that.” Adam said, cupping Ronan’s cheek. He had meant it as a tongue in cheek statement as he and Ronan basically spent every free moment together.

They had gotten better about spending time with just their friends and family after falling asleep at the farm, but they still spent more time together than Blue spent with Gansey, or Noah spent with Henry, or probably Declan spent with Opal.

“I know. I don’t want to talk about it.” Ronan stated, cutting Adam off from any follow up questions.

Ronan kissed Adam a little less chastely, and Adam let Ronan have this, he still wasn’t sure if kissing Ronan in the first place had been a good idea. It was a little late to go back now.

 

***

 

After Adam left, and Alex had gone home with Ben, Ronan cornered Declan in the corner.

“I’m happy you have a boyfriend, but could you not makeout with him right where I can see you guys from the kitchen window.” Declan said, as he rinsed out two coffee mugs.

Ronan smiled wickedly. He hadn’t thought of where he had been kissing Adam geographically, but the thought it made Declan uncomfortable, pleased him more than it probably should.

“So, Skov’s Mom?” Ronan said, taking a banana off the hammock, peeling it open, as he sat on one of the kitchen island stools.

“I asked her out to dinner.” Declan said, not turning from the sink.

“OK, you know Skov is a mentally unstable, territorial, asshole. He’s likely to snap your fucking neck if you touch his Mom’s shoulder.” Ronan said conversationally.

“I have been adequately warned. It’s just dinner.”

“And you know her fuckhead ex-husband is in prison, serving a twenty-five year stretch for the same people Adam’s uncle works for.” Ronan threw in.

Declan did turn around now.

“I’m honestly not sure if you are concerned about me, or if you are just trying to scare me off because you think I am just trying to sleep with Alex.”

“Can’t it be both?” Ronan said, sticking the banana in his mouth, not biting down, hollowing his cheeks…just to irritate Declan.

“Cute.” Declan rolled his eyes.

Ronan ate the banana without a fuss then, Declan destroyed the moment.

“Dec, I like Ben, OK. He’s a good kid, I just want him to be able to hang out with us, OK?” Ronan said sincerely.

Declan nodded like he understood and walked out of the kitchen to get Opal ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read two different fics by two different authors where Skov is referred to as Blak Skovron...I think that is a head cannon name, I don't remember Skov being referred to as anything but Skov in TDT, but I could be wrong. Regardless...I did not come of up with this name.
> 
> I think this is the last chapter that kind of got away from me and I will be back on track soon. I really want to get this up before Christmas. I'm just not as happy with how this is turning out as I thought I would be.


	16. You Don't Have to Say it Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam at the farm
> 
> *** trigger for cutting and accidental suicide attempt *** It isn't graphic, but I felt it was important to mention.

“You said you sold this painting for this much,” Agent Sims began while pointing at a spreadsheet, “but the family had the portrait appraised for…”

“I can’t help what some idiots were willing to pay for something.” Colin said annoyed, as he unpacked a vase.

“Yeah, but these numbers don’t match here.” Agent Sims stated, as he pointed at another place on a spreadsheet.

“Have you talked to my accountant?” Colin sneered.

“Strangely, he seems to be taking a sabbatical, out of the country. These numbers just look strange because it shows your rate of profit really hasn’t changed in fifteen years.”

“OK,” was all Colin would offer.

“Why would you keep doing this if there was no potential for growth?” Agent Sims asked skeptically.

“Jesus, maybe I just like art.”

Colin strode past Adam when he came home that evening, he didn’t even acknowledge the boy’s presence. Instead of fanning the flames of Colin’s obviously bad mood, he scribbled a note that he was going to be out with Ronan all night. Adam took his own car.

 

***

 

“Hey.” Adam said as Ronan opened the door for the ancient farm house.

If there weren’t twinkle lights, a fire going, and piles of blankets and pillows on the living room floor, Adam would have been creeped out. The electricity must not have been on, which would make sense as no one lived at the property. There was furniture in the home, covered with sheets and drop clothes. There were things to absorb sound, so it didn’t feel as creepy.

Ronan was wearing a t-shirt that was strangely a little too big on him and sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Adam looked at him quizzically, after kissing his cheek and setting his bag down that had the portable stereo he was asked to bring.

“I had to clean up a little first. Declan’s gym clothes were the only thing I could find.” Ronan said with a shrug.

While Ronan was several inches taller than Declan, Declan was broader and generally liked clothes that fit him, while Ronan seemed to enjoy torturing Adam by wearing shirts, and sometimes pants, that were just a little too small for him.

“Everything looks great, what’s all this for?” Adam asked.

Ronan came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Adam’s stomach, still a little dumbfounded that he was allowed to casually partake in this intimate action. He placed a kiss on Adam’s neck, and breathed in his hair.

“I just wanted to do something nice for my boyfriend.” Ronan whispered.

Adam froze a little at the words. Ronan unwrapped his arms, and stepped back, he sensed he had done something wrong. Adam turned to look at Ronan, a little stunned.

“Boyfriend?” Adam, asked, a little shocked.

“Well, yeah, I mean…should we have had like a conversation first, about labels?” Ronan asked, completely unsure of himself all the sudden.

Adam visibly relaxed, and shook his head, understanding he was the one being an idiot. Of course, he and Ronan were boyfriends. This wasn’t anything casual. They weren’t just hooking up. He wasn’t sure why he had frozen up at the mention of the words. He walked up to Ronan and took Ronan’s hand.

“I’m sorry, we are…that…boyfriends. I’ve just never had one before, this is all new.” Adam explained.

Ronan’s resting bitch face melted, and he smiled down at Adam.

“OK, yeah, I still probably should have like asked you first.” Ronan shrugged.

“How about, if you made something edible for dinner, we’ll call it even.” Adam smiled.

Ronan had brought some ridiculously good chicken piccata. He had also picked up some cheesecake from a local deli on the way out. He had made the dish three times over the course of the week, until Declan and Matthew looked physically green at the sight of it. He wanted to make sure he had it perfect. Home Econ was one of the few things Ronan had thrived in while suffering through middle school. He had taken to cooking like he had taken to painting. It was among one of the many reasons Ronan was bullied when he lived in D.C.

“You didn’t actually make this.” Adam groaned with delight as he took another bite directly from the casserole dish.

“I did, it’s one of my secret super powers. You can’t tell the others, they’ll want me to cook for them.”

“Absolutely not, I want you all to myself with this cooking.” Adam laughed.

“So, it’s good?” Ronan asked self-consciously.

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.” Adam beamed.

Ronan raised an eyebrow. Adam realized what he said, and he slid on a bit of a sultry smile.

“Well, up to this point in time.” Adam smirked.

Ronan looked appropriately flustered. Things were going too well. It was a cool night, so they could have the fire going as long as all of the first story windows were opened. He had been able to find battery powered lights after going to five different home improvement stores. He had not dropped the casserole dish as he placed it in their Mom’s old picnic basket. He didn’t punch Declan when Declan pushed a pharmacy bag into Ronan’s hand earlier in the evening. An act Ronan was secretly grateful for, as he had been giving himself a pep talk for the better part of four days about going to the pharmacy for those exact purchases. He had resisted the urge to buy any alcohol. He had wanted to be sober for all of this, so it had been soda for him, and tea for Adam.

Ronan reached over and took Adam’s hand. They were both sitting crossed legged on the blankets on the living room floor, Adam was eating the cheesecake out of its pink box with a plastic fork. Ronan hoped Adam didn’t notice how sweaty his palms were.

“Adam?” Ronan said his name like it was a question.

“Yeah, babe?” Adam said absently mindedly as he took another bite of the decadent desert. 

“I love you.” Ronan blurted out, it sounded like he had vomited the words out.

Adam dropped the fork in the box, and looked up at Ronan, amazed, surprised, unsure.

“You don’t have to say it back. I know this…this thing with us…it’s new. You haven’t had as much time to think about it as I have. And if this was two years ago, I would have sat on this, and given you space, and there wouldn’t be like…this rush.”

Adam started to speak, but Ronan cut him off as he continued to ramble.

“I love you, I want you to know that. I don’t think you have probably gotten to hear that enough in your life. And I know, I know this is stupid and insane…but I want it to be you. Even if we don’t have the rest of our lives together. I want you to be my first. I want that with you.” Ronan rushed out.

Adam was struck, again. It seemed like you either had to pry words out of Ronan with a crow bar, or you couldn’t seem to get him to shut up, there was no in between.

“I’m sorry I can’t say it back. I just don’t even…really know what that means. I think I am getting closer to knowing, I just need more time on that.” 

“And the other thing?” Ronan asked embarrassed.

“I think if we are thinking about doing it, we should be able to use the right words.” Adam smiled a little evilly at Ronan.

“You are an asshole, Adam Parrish.” Ronan glared, but with a smile lurking underneath. “I want us to have sex, like the whole way, if you want to. I know it feels really rushed, but I don’t want to waste any of the days we have left together.”

“Do you know what you are doing, I sure as hell don’t. I mean…it’s different…because….” Adam trailed off.

Now Ronan smirked.

“You know, if we are going to do it, we should be able to use our words.” Ronan mocked.

“We are both men, it’s not the same. There are extra steps, I think.” Adam’s face was on fire.

“I talked to Noah.” Ronan said quietly.

Adam grimaced.

“Tell me about it, it was either him or Kavinsky…so that was a no brainer. It was the most uncomfortable twenty minutes of my life. It was more humiliating than the wine coolers incident.” Ronan sighed.

Ronan had a good idea of what to do before talking to Noah, and he reasoned people had been doing this for thousands of years, but he was nervous, and he knew Adam would probably be nervous as well. He figured it was going to be awkward enough, at least he could get a better idea of what to expect. Noah had been surprisingly mature about he whole thing. He didn’t make any dick jokes, or ask Ronan any questions about personal preferences that would have made Ronan uncomfortable. Ronan felt better, less nervous, after talking to Noah. He knew he was ready for this.

Adam leaned over and kissed Ronan for being so considerate. Ronan, generally, was like a bull in a china shop and forged ahead in life as such. It was strange that he had planned all of this so carefully, and had the foresight to get instructions beforehand, as embarrassing as it was.

“Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, I want to, but I am perfectly fine waiting.” Adam asked, he didn’t want Ronan to feel pressured.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Ronan replied, embarrassed, but keeping his voice from shaking.

“Well, OK then.” Adam said with more bravado than he felt, and removed his t-shirt.

It was awkward and fumbling. Both boys were so nervous that it was difficult navigating the simplest of tasks while removing clothes. There were bumped noses, collisions with knees, sporadic hyper-ventilation. There were soft words of encouragement, fingers running through hair, soft touches in places previously unexplored. There were also declarations and vocalizations:

_“Ow, maybe give some warning.”_

And

_“Oh, yes, there…there…fuck…yes…there.”_

And

_“OK, I’m not sure what to do next.”_

And

_“Jesus. Mary. Fuck.”_

And

_“Will you hurry up, this isn’t supposed to be a relaxing Alaskan cruise.”_

And

_“Fuck, well, it’s a good thing we got a whole box, as this is the third one I’ve put my finger through.”_

Afterward, with the fireplace illuminating bare skin, Ronan and Adam were wrapped up in one another. Bodies had been cleaned up with the diaper wipes Ronan had had the good sense to grab.

“So, that was…” Ronan trailed off happily.

“Yeah…are you…sore?” Adam asked quietly, face flushed.

Ronan kissed the top of Adam’s head.

“Not in a bad way. Jesus Christ, another thing that so thoroughly surpassed all expectations. You are god damned magic Adam Parrish.” 

Adam nuzzled closer to Ronan.

“I dunno, that thing you did with your tongue was pretty amazing. I feel happier, but not different. I thought losing your virginity was supposed to change you in some fundamental way.”

“Eh, I think that’s just propaganda perpetrated to keep girl’s legs closed until marriage, and everyone sexually repressed.”

“Talking to Blue?” 

“She’s fucking balls-to-the-wall over this feminism thing, but I agree with her on that point. Virginity is just a word tossed around. And to a lot of people, you and I are virgins until we have sex with a girl. And I know in my case that is never going to happen.”

“I get that. I mean this isn’t even our first time, this was just something new we did. I’m happy we did, but we didn’t have to, I mean I’d still want to be with you.” Adam admitted.

“I wanted to. Would it bug you, not being with a chick? I mean I don’t understand how it works.” Ronan asked honestly.

“It’s not like me always wanting what I can’t or don’t have. I don’t think about girls when I’m with you. I don’t even think about girls when I’m not with you. I pretty much just think of you. I think about what I have, not what I am ‘missing.’” Adam explained.

“Oh, OK. Cool.” Ronan sounded relieved, and then shifted so his right thigh was flung over Adam’s leg.

That is when Adam saw it. A row of a dozen perfectly even and straight scars running horizontally along Ronan’s thigh. Adam sat up, remembering the scars he felt on Ronan’s wrists. He held up Ronan’s arm and flicked the snap that held the bands in place. The scars on his wrist were perfectly even and horizontal as well, except for a jagged ugly one that went down the middle. Ronan jerked his hand away, removed his leg from Adam’s and scooted away defensively.

“What happened?” Adam breathed, his face laced with concern.

Ronan took a deep breath. Up until that moment, Declan was the only person who knew any of this. He had never even told Blue, even though Blue had questioned the scars on his wrists before. Before it was because he was embarrassed, but now he just hadn’t felt like there was anyone that he could trust with the information. He looked up to see Adam’s face, so filled with concern. Ronan tugged on his boxers, and pulled on a shirt. Adam followed suit. This was going to be hard enough to get through without the added vulnerability of being naked. One they were dressed, Ronan pulled Adam to his chest. He didn’t want to have to look Adam in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to do the scar on my wrist. I didn’t mean for it to go that deep. But then the blood started seeping out, and I couldn’t stop it, and I panicked, and I yelled, and Declan found me. He fucking picked me up like god damned Superman, and drove me to the E.R. I wasn’t trying to…”

Adam sat up and hugged Ronan, burying his face in Ronan’s neck. Ronan could feel Adam’s tears, and he felt terrible he was the one who had caused them.

Ronan explained. He explained to Adam how he had been runty kid, barely five feet tall at thirteen years old. He was skinny, pale, frizzy hair, and had braces. He explained how some of the kids found out he was gay and made his middle school years miserable. He heard the word “fag” more times anyone should. He explained when he was a freshman an upperclassman tried to bully him into a physical relationship he didn’t want. He explained how the first time he had cut himself was an accident, his clay knife had slipped. He tried to explain the ritual of it, the sharp after pain, the scabbing over, the itching of healing skin. He showed Adam the scars on his hips, other leg, and inner arms.  
Adam just held him tighter, and he felt miserable for causing Adam this much pain.

“Hey, It’s OK. I mean, my career as swimsuit model is shot to hell, but it’s better now. It’s why we don’t hang out on Wednesday mornings. I see someone, like professionally, it was one of my brother’s stipulations in letting me go to public school.”

“Does it help?” Adam asked, as he sniffled quietly.

“I think so, in so much as I don’t do it anymore.” Ronan shrugged.

“My father used to beat me.” Adam offered out of nowhere.

Adam knew what that was, for Ronan to be so candid with him about something so painful. He felt some sense of obligation, to return in kind. A secret for a secret. Adam pulled up his shirt and pointed his finger to a jagged scar on his hip bone.

“broken beer bottle.” He said tonelessly.

He then pulled his shirt sleeve to illustrated three raised circular scars on the inside of his left arm.

“Cigarettes.”

Adam pulled his hair back to show an ugly raised scar on his forehead that his hair usually covered up.

“Head through a door.”

Adam didn’t cry as he pointed these things out, it had been so long ago now, and the anger of it had evaporated to a light mist that only occasionally turned into an ugly storm to flood his memories. 

“I can’t hear out of my left ear because my father threw me down a set of concrete stairs when I was nine. I’ve been in counseling for years because of it.”

Ronan took Adam’s hands into his.

“I guess we’re both a little broken. I’m OK with that, if you are.” Ronan whispered.

 

***

 

Adam left Ronan at about four in the morning to drive home. He wished he could have stayed the night with Ronan, their time was so short, but he figured if he put in an appearance at the gallery in the morning, it would humor his uncle.

Adam’s mind whirled with revelations and confessions not made. He had wanted to tell Ronan about what Piper had told him, but he didn’t have any proof. Ronan thought his parents died in a car accident, what would happen to him if he found out they were murdered, by Adam’s uncle no less. The thought made his stomach churn. He also didn’t like hiding this secret from Ronan, it felt too much like lying.

But then Ronan had told Adam that he loved him. Adam had waited his entire life to hear someone say those three words to him. He had not thought they would come from a tall, pierced, tattooed, boy. He still wasn’t sure what it meant exactly, love. It was such a foreign concept to him. He thought Ronan understood what it meant. Ronan was surrounded by love, from his brothers, from his friends. Adam just knew Ronan made him at ease with himself for moments at a time. Adam, who had always been wound so tight, always on a schedule; five weeks with Ronan had caused Adam to throw caution to the wind. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t stop thinking about Ronan’s hands, Ronan’s lips, Ronan’s tattoo. He felt like he was drowning in emotion. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing, or if it was love. 

He did know he wanted to protect Ronan, and he didn’t want Ronan to be hurt. Just before he pulled into his driveway, he decided not to say anything to Ronan until he had a better idea of what was going on with his uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a cutter. It took me years to stop doing it, and I have the lovely lovely scars to show for it. I'm sorry if that was a bit much. I know I said I wanted to stay away from too much angst, but I apparently lied.
> 
> I feel like I am running out of steam for this thing. I was so excited about it to start with, but I feel stuck and frustrated with how it has turned out. I don't know. I'm going to finish, hopefully I will get some inspiration to somehow save this.
> 
> I think I am still in the realm of teen audiences as far as rating is concerned. Let me know if that is not the case.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!


	17. Bon Voyage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin finally tells Adam what is what. Adam finds he has to do something terrible.

Adam understood a little now the flighty, far away, stare of the smitten over the next week. It wasn’t that finally, after eighteen years, he had had sex, because prior to Ronan, the entire concept of it was something he had only had an academic interest in regarding the entire process. Eighteen wasn’t even that old. He had been attracted to other people, but he had never dwelt on it, never considered taking time away from his studies, his goals, for such lofty pursuits. Even with Ronan, who his desire for, clamored and clawed its way into every pore of Adam’s being, sex was not the end game. It had been awkward and wonderful, and Adam blushed every time he thought of being that close to Ronan, but it was the emotional intimacy that he craved the most.

He had never been loved prior to Ronan. Richard Campbell Gansey III was really the only person who had shown Adam any sincere affection until he had meant Ronan. The relief that he could just be himself around Ronan, the thought that he felt safe with Ronan, that was worth far more to Adam than physical acts committed. Adam felt known for the first time in his life, and it was a feeling he didn’t want to lose. He was so far gone for Ronan, he wondered if that was what love was.

It wasn’t just Ronan that he had this newfound connection with. Noah and Henry had become wonderful friends to him over the past two months, always checking on him, always including him, like the brothers he had sometimes thought he wanted. Ronan’s actual brothers had started to come around to him. Matthew was bubbly, and always seemed excited about Adam’s arrival. Declan respected that Adam seemed to be a good influence on Ronan, as Ronan had been caught talking about going to art school, occasionally volunteered with Adam, and had not been into a physical altercation since graduation. Blue was the most reserved in her feelings about Adam, but that was because she was Ronan’s best friend, and her loyalty would probably always lean toward Ronan. She still seemed to genuinely like Adam, and never did or said anything to discourage the relationship. Adam didn’t just get Ronan, he also got an entire world of friends and family that he might get to call his own.

Adam was snapped out of his reflections by the sound of his uncle noisily coming into the room. It had been a strange idea, as Colin was generally cat-like stealthy. The investigation had turned him into a bundle of nerves recently though, and he often clomped around the house, slammed doors, kicked furniture. He was becoming unraveled.

“Here are your plane tickets.” Colin stated, as he dropped them off in front of Adam at the dining room table.

Adam looked at the plane tickets like they would scorch him if he touched him. He had worked his entire life for this. It was everything he dreamed of, and now he couldn’t think of anything he wanted less. He looked across the table at his uncle who was absently staring out a window. His uncle had severe bags under his eyes, his skin looked a little waxy, and he was long over due for a haircut and chestnut locks fell across his forehead. Seeing Colin like this made Adam nervous.

“I was think about deferring for a year. Henry Cheng is doing that. And with everything else that’s going on…” Adam trailed off lamely.

“You’re going.” Colin said, as he sat across from Adam at the table.

“I just don’t think now is the best time for me to be shuffling off to Europe.” Adam tried again.

“You’re going.” Colin repeated, less patiently this time.

“It just doesn’t feel right. I don’t even have luggage.” Adam grasped.

Adam couldn’t find the words to express how he felt. He thought if he could just find a reasonable compromise with Colin, they could work through this. Why was Colin so hell bent on him getting on that plane? Why was this so important to Colin?

“Bon voyage.” Colin waved at Adam from across the mahogany table.

“No, I don’t think you understand –“ Adam was cutoff.

“Cut out the bullshit. We know this has nothing to do with your wanting to prance around the country with your little gay friend or giving a flying fuck what happens to me.” Colin said angrily.

“Why are you acting like this. Seriously, why do you even care? I don’t want anything to do with your business.” Adam spat.

“Do you love him?” Colin asked coldly.

Why was his uncle asking him this?

“I…I don’t know…I like him a lot.” Adam replied honestly.

“Hey listen, I’m glad you got this out of your system. I’d rather you were sleeping with him than some disease ridden asshole. But what happens when all the excitement wears off? What do the two of your even talk about? Do you have anything in common, with the exception of the obvious? You are going to do something with yourself. He’s going to loaf around on his Dad’s money until that runs out, and then he’ll mooch off his brother. You can do better.” Colin explained calmly.

“This is insane. You don’t know anything about me and Ronan. You didn’t even give him a chance.”

“I think you should break up with him.” Colin directly.

“This is a nightmare.”

“You owe it to yourself, and to me, to give this it’s best chance. You need to get on that plane without attachments or obligations. After you get there, things will change, you will change.”

“Why is that the only option?” Adam challenged.

“Get rid of him.” Colin said more darkly this time.

“I can’t, OK, I love him.” Adam spat out.

He hadn’t thought about consciously it until the thought of losing Ronan presented itself to Adam. Love had been this weird, abstract idea, that Adam could never seem to wrap his head around. It suddenly seemed to make perfect sense though. Adam couldn’t lose Ronan. He knew it was stupid and irrational; he and Ronan had only even been officially together for a little over a month. It didn’t matter, he knew in that moment how he felt about Ronan. He would do anything for Ronan. He would gladly put Ronan ahead of himself, and if that meant going to community college and being with Ronan, Adam was suddenly OK with that. 

“Fantastic. As if I don’t have enough bullshit to deal with. I have been patient with you, far more patient than with anyone else. I let you go off and do your teenager thing, but this is enough. OK, you want to play it this way, we will. I know you talked to Piper. And it’s true, not that you can prove it. I was able to do that ten years ago, with a fraction of what I have now. And I won’t start with your little boyfriend. It will be little blond girl first, and then the empty headed little brother, and then the douche of an older brother. I’ll take care of that nerdy kid with the long, entitled, name. Blue’s Mom’s shop with suddenly be riddled with health code violations. Blue will disappear. I have some incriminating photos I could send to Henry’s Mom. The stoner kid, they’ll never find the body.”

Adam looked like he was going to throw up.

“You are going to break up with that kid, cut all ties. Then you are going to get on that fucking plane next month. You will meet with the contacts I set up for you, and then if you don’t fuck that up, you’ll be introduced to my boss at some point. You just have to realize this is what is best for you.” Colin finished calmly.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I thought you might say that. Why don’t you call your friend Gansey and find out what happened to his place at Princeton? Then you’ll break up with that Lynch kid. You’ll do it tomorrow.” Colin got up from the table and walked out of the room, not giving Adam a second glance.

Tears were steadily rolling down Adam’s cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Colin had left the room. They were the slow, steady tears. The ones that came faster the more your thought about them. He was trapped, he hadn’t felt this claustrophobic since his Mom had locked him in their dog’s kennel when he was five. He had no outs. He had no proof Colin had killed Ronan’s parents, and now he was worried it would get back to Colin if he told anyone.

He crept up to his room to call Gansey. Gansey confirmed that his spot at Princeton was gone. The administration office said there was some sort of computer or clerical error, and Gansey wouldn’t be able to start in the fall. His spot had already been given to someone else. Adam felt like he was going to vomit, even though Gansey was pretty unperturbed about the situation. He said luckily Jane hadn’t paid for her fall tuition yet, so they decided they were just going to accompany Henry on his great American journey.

Gansey’s Mom was a United States Congressman. If Colin could so easily mess up Gansey’s life, with all the Gansey’s powerful allies, there was no telling what he was capable of. He cried himself to sleep for the first time that night, knowing what he was going to have to do the next day, and what it would entail.

Ronan would never forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this is a very short chapter, but I wanted this to be separate from the awfulness that comes next. If I can get my ass in gear, I am hoping to post another chapter today...I don't want to leave something like this open for who knows how long.
> 
> I know I said light angst...I guess this is more medium.


	18. I Just Don't Know How To Say This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam does something he really doesn't want to do.
> 
> *** Chapters 17 & 18 Posted Today ***

Adam sat in his car for a half hour waiting for the self-defense class Ronan taught on Tuesday nights to get over with. He had thrown up from stress and grief no fewer than five times over the past twenty-four hours. He couldn’t let Ronan know how wrecked he was. He just had to do this and get it over with. He spent the better part of eighteen years rejecting people, he could do it one more time. He got out of his car and made his way to the gym.

Ronan was just wrapping up when Adam walked in. Ronan ignored the clambering bell over the door while he finished up with his students. The self-defense class had been Blue’s idea, and Ronan had begrudgingly gone along with it at first. He had told Adam he bitched and moaned about the two hours a week it ate up out for the first couple of months. Blue then asked him if he wanted Opal to be able to defend herself, and that had shut Ronan up about his lost two hours every week.

Ronan and Adam were generally careful about touching in public. Adam mostly didn’t really enjoy watching others be affectionate in public. He was always distinctly uncomfortable when he noticed other people holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Ronan had no such qualms about Adam touching him when and wherever he wanted though. Ronan just put a tentative hand on Adam’s shoulder and smiled at him in a way that made Adam feel like he was going to vomit, again.

“Hey, what’s wrong.” Ronan asked immediately when he noticed the bags under Adam’s eyes, and the pale, sullen, pallor of Adam’s skin.

Ronan moved to run his knuckles across Adam’s cheek, but stopped himself at the last minute. Adam found himself disappointed, and just hugged Ronan tightly, not caring who saw them anymore. Ronan kissed the top of Adam’s head, and gently rubbed Adam’s back. A couple of students walked up to Ronan, concerned.

“Ronan, dear, is everything OK?” Christine, a married woman in her mid-forties asked.

“Yes, what’s wrong?” Starla, a college student a couple years older than Ronan, asked as well.

Adam backed away from Ronan, eyes watering, clearly embarrassed.

“Sorry ladies, just a tough day.” Adam explained, not lying, even a little.

“Who is this handsome young man?” Christine asked Ronan.

Ronan looked at Adam to ask him if it was OK to tell his students, but Adam was pointedly not looking at him.

“This is my boyfriend, Adam.” Ronan explained.

One of the student’s husbands overheard the exchange, and appeared to be visibly relieved. Christine and Starla both knew Ronan was gay. They had gotten in the habit of going out for coffee after class about six months ago, and after the first few meetings of Christine trying to set Ronan up with one of her nieces, Ronan explained that unless Christine had an age appropriate nephew, Ronan wouldn’t be interested. It wasn’t the classiest way to come out, but neither woman seemed to care. Starla asked some rude, but well-intentioned questions about Ronan’s sexuality like if he was sure because he didn’t ‘seem gay.’ 

“Oh Adam, it’s so nice to meet you. Ronan hadn’t mentioned he had finally worn you down.” Christine said good humoredly. 

“Oh my god, it’s an absolute waste of genetics that you two can’t have babies together. With those eyes, and cheek bones, and the heights, and those freckles. You’d dominate the universe.” Starla said kindly, if not a little tactlessly.

“It’s been a…ummm…recent development.” Ronan said, embarrassed.

“Would you boys like to join us for coffee this evening?” Christine asked.

“Thank you, mam, but I was kinda hoping to steal Ronan for the evening if that’s alright.” Adam said, playing up the residuals of his accent.

“Oh certainly. Raincheck?” Christine asked.

“Sure.” Adam said, and now he knew he was lying.

After Christine and Starla left, there was just Adam and Ronan. Ronan moved to kiss Adam, but Adam backed away, just a little. Ronan looked confused, but didn’t make a big fuss. He knew sometimes Adam didn’t like to be touched, and when he didn’t, it would come on sudden, so he didn’t push it.

“I have to take a quick shower, you want to join me?” Ronan joked.

Adam looked like he might actually start crying. Ronan wasn’t sure what to do, so he just told Adam he would be fifteen minutes, and he would be right back.

 

***

 

Ronan followed Adam to their old high school, where they snuck in and sat on the soccer field. Adam wasn’t sure why he wanted to come back here, maybe because it was familiar. He just knew he couldn’t do this within the confines of a car, or anywhere remotely romantic, or anywhere he had kissed Ronan. The school seemed like his safest bet, but then Ronan made a couple offhand jokes about sneaking into the school to have sex, and now Adam was thinking about having sex. He didn’t know how he was going to get through this.

They sat on the surprisingly dry field. They were sitting crossed legged, facing one another, knees touching. Ronan in his trademarked black, Adam wearing his old Coca-Cola t-shirt and faded jeans. Ronan played with Adam’s hands for a few minutes, waiting for Adam to say something. Say anything. It didn’t seem like Adam was ever going to speak. Ronan was getting nervous.

“Hey, did you check your email today?” Ronan asked.

Adam just shook his head in the negative. He had laid in bed for the better part of twenty-four hours mentally preparing himself to do basically the worst thing he ever thought he would have to do in his life.

“I…uh…found that Virgil translation you had been looking for. I had it sent to your house. I think you should get it before you leave next month.” Ronan explained, hoping it would please Adam.

“Oh, that’s great,” Adam replied distantly, tonelessly.

“I guess maybe I should have asked first. I know it was kind of expensive. But I wanted to do something nice for you. I just wanted you to know that I’m listening to you always, even when it maybe seems like I’m not. I thought maybe this would be something you would look at while you were at school, and you would think of me. I don’t want you leaving to be the end…of this…because you know…how I feel….”

“No, Ronan, don’t say it, please.” Adam whispered.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.” Ronan said testily.

“I don’t know for sure, but I think I do, and I need to tell…” Adam was cut off.

“I love you. I haven’t said it since the night at the farm, but I meant it. I wasn’t saying it just to get laid. I love you Adam Parrish.” Ronan sped on.

Why did he have to say it? Why did hearing it rip Adam’s heart so? He trembled and clenched, trying to gain some semblance of control over his body. His heart and head were at war all the sudden, he felt like a failure because he couldn’t think of another solution. A solution which wouldn’t destroy Ronan in this moment. What he had was the best he could come up with, knowing there was a good chance Ronan would hate him forever.

“I know Ronan, but maybe we are getting ahead of ourselves.” Adam weakly replied.

“I thought we were on the same page Parrish.” Ronan countered, confused.

“I just don’t know how to say this.” Adam panicked.

“Say what?” Ronan offered, as he smoothed Adam’s hair back and chastely kissed him.

“I don’t think we should see one another anymore.” Adam blurted.

“What, why?”

“I just have a lot to do before I leave, and this whole thing is taking up a lot of my time. And it’s just not fair to you, or to me. I mean I need to pack, and buy luggage, and get some studying in. It just seems like it would make more sense, instead of waiting until the last minute.” 

Ronan looked like he had been hit by a truck. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. He had so many nightmares about this exact thing happening to him. Adam rejecting him. Adam laughing at him. Adam not wanting him. Adam treating this like it was just another thing on his ‘to do’ list.

“I’m confused. If you felt this way, why did you kiss me? Why did we fuck?” Ronan spat.

Adam cringed at Ronan’s use of the word ‘fuck.’ Usually when Ronan threw out an “F” bomb, it was pithy, playful. He rarely ever used it angrily, and he had never used it within the context of their relationship. Although, Adam thought it was probably fair since Adam was breaking up with him.

“I guess I thought that was what I wanted, but I don’t think I can handle it right now. I can’t handle this thing with us and try to maintain the other aspects of my life.” Adam said, a little coldly.

Ronan’s brain was scrambling for some reason, some explanation that made sense. He and Adam had just been together, physically, a few of days ago. And it was even better than the first time. Adam hadn’t even poked his finger through any condoms. He had seemed so happy. Had Ronan said something, done something? 

“If you need a little space, I can give you that. I don’t understand why it has to be all or nothing.” Ronan explained, still perplexed.

“It’s not just the space, I just don’t see this working out, not romantically. I just don’t feel the same way you do.” Adam relayed, not daring to look at Ronan’s face. He was shaking enough as it was.

“Okay, well, I guess thanks for doing it in person instead of over the phone.” Ronan replied coldly.

“I mean maybe we could still be friends.” Adam threw out before thinking.

“OK, but wouldn’t being your friend take up the same amount of time? Wouldn’t we still be seeing each other?” Ronan asked, angry, confused.

“Well, I guess we probably shouldn’t see each other. We could still talk on the phone and email.” 

“I feel like I’m somehow being the asshole here, but I don’t want to email you. I don’t want to talk to you on the phone. I want to do things with you that I do not want to do with Blue, Gansey, Henry, or Noah. I want to kiss you until you make the breathy noise I like, which is not a very friend type thing to do.”

“You aren’t being an asshole. I am the asshole. I am doing this wrong…” Adam stuttered.

“Didn’t brush up on your breakup etiquette before leaving the house this evening? There wasn’t a nicer or better way to rip my heart out?” Ronan sneered nastily.

“You know, this isn’t easy for me.” Adam snapped back.

“Then why are you doing it? If it’s because I told you I loved you, I could take it back, if it’s too much pressure. It’s fine that you don’t love me yet, I never asked for that from you.” Ronan assured Adam.

Adam looked up and there were tears pooling in Ronan’s eyes. He looked so vulnerable and naked, bearing himself before Adam like this. It forced Adam to gulp down a sob of his own. He felt like this was the lowest moment of his life, and he was a boy who had suffered through quite a few low moments. Ronan had given him hope, love, friends, the possibility of family. He wanted to tell Ronan he thought he finally understood the concept of love and he felt the same way Ronan did. He wanted to pull Ronan to him, wrap his arms around the taller boy, whisper his love into Ronan’s ear. He did none of these things. Instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box, and offered it to Ronan.

“What the fuck is this?” Ronan asked, reluctantly taking the box.

“It’s a watch. I set it my time, for when I’m at Oxford. I thought…I thought…maybe you would see it and think of me from time to time.” Adam finished lamely.

Ronan looked at the watch. It was nice, expensive, old. He wanted to break it into a thousand pieces. He was all for destroying something. It had been so long since he had been this consumed by hurt and anger. It had taken years of therapy for Ronan to be even as remotely functioning as he was. To allow himself to be vulnerable and silly and forward with Adam. He had laid his soul bare for Adam, and this was ultimately what he got in return, a game show consolation prize.

“I can’t believe you just broke up with me.” Ronan said dumbly, staring at the watch.

“You know, if you don’t like the watch, maybe Declan would like it…I mean don’t just throw it away because you are pissed off at me.”

Ronan just glared at Adam like Adam had just grown horns and a tail.

“OK, well I need to help my uncle at the gallery in the morning. You going to be OK to get home?” Adam asked, his face full of concern.

“You can fuck off, I’m no longer your problem.” Ronan growled as he got up and wiped the grass off his faded black jeans.

Ronan walked away from Adam, and didn’t looked back.

 

***

 

Adam sat in his car in front of his house and cried for a good twenty minutes. His entire body hurt from the heavy sobs that racked through his body. He felt like he might start hyperventilating. He hoped he had ultimately done the right thing, and all of this wouldn’t blow up in his face.

“Is it done?” Colin asked, not looking up from his book.

Adam just glared at his uncle. His face was still red and swollen from crying. He couldn’t understand sometimes how someone could just be so cold and calculating. He knew yelling at his uncle would do no good in the long run. Colin didn’t care if Adam hated him. Colin only cared that Adam did what he wanted him to do.

“Yes. I broke up with Ronan. He understands it is over. You can leave him, his family, and his friends alone. I’m all yours for the rest of the summer.” Adam stated, tone heavy and defeated.

“Good.” Colin said delightedly. “This will be better for you in the long run.”

Adam had never seriously wished anyone ill prior to that moment, but he decided if Colin were hit by a semi-truck tomorrow, he probably wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

“Whatever.” Adam said a little petulantly and stomped up to his room, and slammed the door shut. It was the most teenager thing he had ever done.

 

***

 

Ronan sat in his car in a gas station parking lot. A case of beer was nestled in the passenger’s seat. Declan really should stop making it so easy for Ronan to steal his I.D. Ronan just sat there, drinking, processing, trying to ignore the panicked helplessness he felt. There was nothing he could do, no way to fix this, Adam was gone. Adam might as well not exist. Ronan didn’t think he would ever see him again. He didn’t start crying until the fifth beer, and once he started, he didn’t think he would ever be able to stop.

Where had he gone wrong? Was he too clingy, too needy, too selfish? Did he smother Adam? Was he not good at the physical stuff? Was he a bad kisser, and Adam had just been too polite about it? Was Adam just not attracted to him? It seemed like he was. When they were together, Ronan could feel the heat and need between them. It probably wasn’t anything physical. So, he must have done something or said something to make Adam feel this way. Ronan guessed he knew on some level that he and Adam weren’t going to last past Adam leaving. He had desperately hoped they would find a way, Ronan would get his shit together enough to present Adam with a viable plan for their continued relationship. He did not think, at least not since the first time they had sex, that Adam would so callously breakup with him.

He knew after the fifth beer he shouldn’t drive. He tried to stop crying enough to make a call on the dreaded cell, but it seemed like the more he tried to stop, the more he wept. He didn’t want to deal with his friends right now. They would just try to fix everything. He called the one person he knew wouldn’t offer to fix everything on the spot.

“Dec.” Ronan said in between sobs.

“Ronan? What’s wrong, what happened? Are you OK?” Declan asked, startled by Ronan’s obvious crying.

“I don’t know what happened…he just doesn’t want me…” Ronan gulped. “I don’t know what to do. I love him….I told him I love him…and he gave me a fucking watch. Who the fuck does that? Who gives someone a breakup present? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with me?”

“Hey, buddy…where are you at?” Declan asked softly, using his kid name for Ronan that he hadn’t used since before their parents had died.

Ronan looked around, not sure where he was at. He tried to remember driving from the school, the turns he took, the landmarks he saw. He remembered then where he was, but not why he was there. What had made him pick that particular gas station? Then he remembered this was the gas station where Adam liked to buy those disgusting vanilla lattes from. He started to cry again, he wasn’t going to be able to go anywhere in this city ever again. 

“How do I make him love me?” Ronan asked pathetically into his phone, taking a drink from his sixth beer.

“Oh, Ronan. It doesn’t work like that. Just tell me where you are, and I will come and get you.” Declan instructed, clearly worried about his younger brother.

Ronan told Declan where he was at. Declan said he would be there shortly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently have some kind of hard on for breaking up Adam and Ronan - it was Adam's turn to breakup with Ronan this time. Don't worry kids, it will be OK...this is going somewhere, it's not angst just for the sake of angst...I am actually semi getting back to the plot of the movie. I really do hate writing stuff like this...I want it to be all fluffy with puppies and hot chocolate and snuggles, but this is the direction things needed to go.
> 
> In the movie, Diane gives Lloyd a pen when they breakup, which still makes no sense to me, so I let Ronan take out some of my anger regarding the stupidity of a breakup present.
> 
> I have a Starla in my life...it doesn't do any good to get mad about it, I just roll with it because I think she means well. Her lines are things I have heard my Starla say...ah people.
> 
> I have a ton of stuff to get done before the dreaded Christmas holiday arrives, so I won't be able to update this again until after Christmas probably. I was hoping to have this whole thing up by Christmas, but life...is well...life. I have gotten more written though and now I am shooting for the New Year, even if I have to post everyday.
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I know this isn't like Shakespeare or anything, and I have only been writing anything nonfiction for the past five months or so. This is all very new to me, and I think I'm getting a little better at it...maybe. :)


	19. I'm Sorry Maggot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan wallows

Declan helped Ronan up the stairs to his bedroom. He had the good sense to not say anything to Ronan about him being completely pissed. He was just happy Ronan had called him instead of driving around drunk, looking for trouble. Ronan could have easily called Kavinsky. That thought made Declan's blood run cold. He helped Ronan out of his shirt and pants, and helped him into a pair of old sweats. He then helped Ronan into bed. Ronan had stopped crying, but he was muttering incoherently.

“Ronan, I’m going to set the waste basket here if you get sick. There is a glass of water and some aspirin on the nightstand. We’ll talk about all of this in the morning.” Declan said softly as he pulled the covers over Ronan.

Ronan was snoring before Declan had set out the waste basket and water. He didn’t know what to say to Ronan. Declan had never been in love before. He never felt anything close to what Ronan obviously felt for Adam. He had been worried about this all summer. His younger brother was much more emotionally fragile than he let on to others. Ronan felt things Declan couldn’t even begin to understand. He knew Ronan was consumed by his polarizing emotions, often having trouble finding a balance between unadulterated joy and vengeful anger. He had liked Adam, but he just had this feeling Adam was going to intentionally or unintentionally destroy Ronan. Adam almost reminded Declan a little too much of himself; appraising, collected, calculating. He was a little surprised the relationship had lasted as long as it had.

Declan never knew how to relay his concerns appropriately to Ronan. He assumed Ronan would think he was being homophobic if he suggested he not get so serious about Adam, or that maybe Adam wasn’t the right person for him. He honestly didn’t care Ronan was gay, and he often wondered if he had said or done something at some point which caused Ronan to be as weary as he was about coming out. He had briefly worried about Ronan’s soul when he was younger, but ultimately decided God probably had better things to worry about than boys kissing other boys.

Declan shut the light off in Ronan’s room and wrote on the white boards hanging from Matthew’s and Opal’s bedroom doors, to not bother Ronan when they got up in the morning. It was nearly midnight and Declan had to be up by five. He whistled for Chainsaw to follow him, so the little dog could sleep in his room. There was no way Ronan was going to be able to get up to her for her walk at seven in the morning.

 

***

 

Ronan didn’t get out of bed the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. Declan or Matthew brought him some toast and soup, which largely went uneaten. Opal came in and wordlessly snuggled with her increasingly foul smelling uncle. Chainsaw kept her vigil over Ronan’s near lifeless form. No one made Ronan talk or say anything. The family politely took messages if any friends called. Declan hadn’t told Matthew or Opal about the breakup, but the two younger kids understood in a way. Ronan hadn’t mentioned or seen Adam in three days, and Adam hadn’t called, once.

On the fourth day, Richard Campbell Gansey III barged into Ronan’s room. It looked like Ronan had barely moved. Bed sores were starting to become a concern.

“Come on Ronan, you need to get up. Shower at the very least. I could smell you from the hallway.” Gansey said, wrinkling his nose.

“What’s the point?” Ronan mumbled dismissively into his pillow.

“Of life? Of Showering? I’ll have to get back to you on the life thing, but on the showering, it’s just considerate. You smell awful, and I think your sheets might need to be burned.” Gansey replied, pulling on Ronan’s arm.

Ronan was too defeated and depressed to put up much of a fight.

“If I get you to the bathroom, can you handle it from there. You don’t need help…undressing?” Gansey swallowed.

Ronan glared at Gansey, which was the most Ronan like thing he had done in days.

“I’m fucking sad, not an invalid, asshole.” Ronan sniped, as he rolled out of bed.

After Ronan got into the shower, Blue snuck into the room to help Gansey strip the sheets and make the bed. Declan entered the room after making sure Ronan was still in the bathroom.

“Thank you. I just wasn’t sure what to say to him, and he wouldn’t talk or eat. I was starting to get…more worried.” Declan explained.

“Thanks for calling. I knew something was off. Ronan not returning my calls is nothing new, but then I stopped by Adam’s house and he uncle was really rude, said Adam wasn’t feeling well, and practically slammed the door in my face.” Blue said in a huff as she put new pillow cases on Ronan’s pillows.

Ronan came back in the room, still dripping, looking lethargic, shirtless and wearing a pair of basketball shorts. He shuffled to the dresser, pulled out a ratty t-shirt and pulled it over his head. He then sat down in his computer chair.

“I’m going to take Opal and Matthew out for pizza with Alex and Ben. Let me know if you need anything, OK Ronan?” Declan asked.

Ronan didn’t respond, but grunted as he stared at the carpet. Declan knocked on the door frame and vacated to the first story. Gansey and Blue sat down on the edge of Ronan’s now made bed.

“Ronan, what happened?” Blue asked, her usual snark when dealing with Ronan absent. 

Ronan didn’t want to talk about this. He felt humiliated. He had acted like a fool over Adam for more than two years. He dealt with his friends teasing him about it all through high school. He then dealt with them telling him to slow things down with Adam, to not set himself up for heart break. He didn’t listen though. He was so sure Adam felt the same way he did. And he was wrong, and now he would have to face the “I told you so’s” from his friends and family. At least Gansey was here, Gansey would try not to make him feel like the asshole he so clearly was.

“I should have known our relationship was doomed. I shouldn’t have told him how I felt. I should have kept it to myself. I don’t know what I was thinking, that he would actually want to be with me.” Ronan sniffled, forcing himself to not start crying again.

Blue’s heart nearly broke. How could Ronan think that about himself. Ronan was a prickly asshole who was often difficult to be friends with, but he was also one of the most alive and inspiring people Blue had ever met. She knew the first time she saw him they were going to be friends. Then again, the first time Blue saw Ronan, it was his is second day of school, and he was telling Tad Carruthers to ‘go fuck himself’ when Tad implied that Ronan’s class schedule must have been wrong. Tad could not fathom someone wearing ripped jeans, a leather jacket, and a buzz cut should be taking Latin. Basically, anyone who hated Tad that much at first sight was aces in Blue’s book.

“OK, did you two get into a fight?” Gansey asked.

“He fucking broke up with me. I guess he got what he wanted, and it was time to move on.” Ronan flushed with shame.

Gansey looked a little confused, along with Blue. It took them a moment to connect the dots. Sex, that was what Ronan was referring to.

“Oh, no. Adam wouldn’t do that. He would never…use…someone like that. He is very fond of you.” Gansey explained earnestly.

“OK, why did he breakup with me then, Dick?” Ronan asked coldly.

Blue winced at Ronan’s use of the term ‘Dick.’ It was widely known it was the least favorite of Gansey’s nicknames. Ronan only used it when he was pissed and/or hurt.

“We don’t know anything. Adam isn’t answering his cell or home line, and his uncle won’t let anyone in the house. He keeps telling us Adam is sick. The lady from the rec center said Adam quit very suddenly, saying he needed to get ready for school. Is that what he told you Ronan?” Blue asked concerned.

“That’s the excuse he gave me.” Ronan muttered, wiping he eyes with the collar of his shirt.

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Gansey murmured, more to himself, than to Gansey or Blue.

“It doesn’t really fucking matter if it makes sense. Adam was pretty clear about not wanting to see me anymore, it doesn’t matter why.” Ronan spat.

Ronan then got up and crawled back into bed and pulled the comforter over his head. He nudged Blue with his foot underneath the blanket to encourage her to get off his bed. She scowled a little and got up. She walked up to the head of the mattress and pulled Ronan’s comforter back. 

“Come on asshole, this isn’t helping.” 

“Fuck off Sargent. Just leave me alone.” Ronan barked angrily.

“Oh, you are not going to talk to me like that.” Blue fumed. “You need to get up. Your life wasn’t this big, messy, open, gaping, wound before you slept with Adam. You are going to get through this, but not if you never leave your bed.” Blue said, trying to pull Ronan’s arm.

Ronan snatched if back with a ferocity that almost pulled Blue onto the bed with him.

“You don’t know anything about it, or anything. You’ve had Gansey here wrapped around your finger since sophomore year. Even when you two staged your idiotic breakup, you knew it was temporary. You have no idea…what…this feels like. I love him, and he doesn’t love me. I fucking gave him all of me, and he said…’no thanks’…just leave me alone. Don’t pretend you know anything about it.” Ronan snarled, the hurt and anger evident on his face.

Gansey stood up and walked toward Blue, and took her hand.

“Maybe Ronan needs more time to process things. We should probably leave him alone for the evening.” Gansey suggested to Blue.

Blue was clearly hurt judging by the mask of indifference on her face. She snatched her hand away from Gansey and moved into Ronan’s space. He glared back at her. 

“You know who has been here for all of your idiocy the past two and a half years? Me. Who was there for you when all that shit with Kavinsky went down? Me. Who listened to you wax poetic about Adam for years on end? Me. Who watched your niece when you are off blowing your boyfriend? Me. Who defended you when you were being a selfish asshole? Me. I know you are hurting, this sucks, and I don’t understand what happened. But…you…you do not get to talk to me like that. Not like, not like I’m one of them.” Blue’s voice was shaking.

This softened Ronan’s expression considerably. Blue wasn’t a crier, especially not when she was stone cold sober. What was wrong with him? She was his best friend. She was only trying to help. He scooted over in the bed and pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

“I’m sorry maggot. I didn’t mean it.” Ronan whispered into Blue hair.

Blue sniffed and buried her face in his shirt.

“You probably did a little, but that’s OK.” Blue said as she wiped her nose on his shirt.

“Gross.” Ronan muttered, but didn’t move to change his shirt.

Gansey stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do.

“Gans, would it be OK if I stayed here with Ronan for awhile, just us? Ronan will take me home later.” Blue asked her boyfriend.

“Sure. Maybe I’ll swing by and see if I can reach Adam, try to make sense of all this.” Gansey replied, leaned over to kiss Blue’s temple, nodded to Ronan, and left.

“I’m sorry I was being an asshole.” Ronan said again, nudging Blue with his elbow.

“I’m sorry you were being an asshole too.” Blue quipped, nudging back.

“I really let this get out of hand, huh?”

“No Ronan, that’s what love is supposed to be like. Yeah, I was a little hurt that you were spending so much time with Adam, but then I remembered what it was like when I first fell in love with Gansey. You’ve loved Adam for forever. And we were total dicks about it. I thought you were just crushing, like it was a physical thing. I really didn’t think you care about him as much as you obviously do.” Blue said sincerely.

“Yeah…well, it’s not like I’m exactly open about my feelings all of the time.” Ronan admitted.

“Still, I should have been more considerate. I just feel, feel like something is off about this. I don’t know Adam as well as Gansey, but he’s not a cruel person. And he’s not someone to do something on a whim. I mean, if you guess had sex, that is a really big deal. He doesn’t strike me as a player.” Blue said thoughtfully.

“I don’t think he like used me for sex, but it’s obvious whatever we had was too much for him. Blue, if you had been there, you would know it’s over. He doesn’t want me. He made it very clear.” Ronan sniffed.

Blue was a little surprised Ronan had called her Blue. He almost always called her Sargent when he wasn’t using any one of the other thousand insulting nicknames he had for her. He only called her Blue when he wanted to be vulnerable. She tucked her tiny hand into his large one and rested her head on Ronan’s shoulder.

“I could totally take him, if that would make you feel better.” Blue offered.

Ronan chuckled a little at the mental image. He had no doubt Blue could take Adam down in despite of the more than a foot of height difference.

“Thanks, but I was thinking more along the line of hiding a rotten egg in his car.” Ronan smirked.

They spent the next hour creating elaborate revenge plans to make Adam miserable. Magazine subscriptions to embarrassing magazines. Hair remover in shampoo bottles. Get him on the Republican donor list. Teepeeing his house. Wrapping his car in plastic wrap. Dumping JELLO in all his toilets. Leaving dead fish in his garage. Garden Gnomes all over the front lawn. They were silly, and mean, and they both knew they would never do anything like that to Adam. It did make Ronan laugh a little and feel vaguely better for a little bit.

 

***

Adam could hear Gansey banging on the door, but he didn’t answer. His uncle was out doing something, probably illegal, and Adam just couldn’t go through it all again. He rubbed the four days of growth on his chin, and crawled back into bed after getting a class of water. He hadn’t gotten out of bed in four days either, he had no reason to. He also didn’t appear to have any friends or family to help him through this. He hadn’t felt this alone since he was put on a plain to Seattle, practically an orphan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to say this is filler, but it kind of feels that way. The next chapter should get the ball rolling again.
> 
> I just want to thank everyone again for the really thoughtful, lovely feedback. It has been very encouraging for me.
> 
> This isn't turning out as I had in my head, but I suppose that is OK, this is a process and all that. :)
> 
> Please, have a very Happy Holiday, and I hope to be posting most often next week as I will finally be on vacation!!!


	20. How

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lynches go to church, Adam and Declan have breakfast, Ronan does something cheesy and romantic.

“OK shithead, that’s enough moping. We are leaving for church in forty-five minutes. Take a shower, get dressed, and eat something.” Declan commanded as he pulled Ronan’s comforter off him.

It was the Sunday after the breakup, and while Ronan felt a little better after hanging out with Blue the night before, he still wasn’t sure he wanted to face the world. He groaned and tucked his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, trying to preserve some of the fleeting warmth. Declan then drew the curtains. The full light from the midsummer morning filtered in, unfettered.

“I hate you.” Ronan scowled as he sat up and stretched his legs.

“How are you doing?” Declan asked seriously.

Declan remembered what happened the last time Ronan was hurting like this. It was slashed wrists and alcohol. It was burying his feelings deep and closing himself off from everyone. It had taken over four years to get Ronan to the point where he felt comfortable being open and vulnerable with someone, and now Declan worried it was back to square one. He remembered Ronan bleeding on that bathroom floor and how it was probably worse than receiving the news his parents were dead. He didn’t know if he could go through that again.

“I feel kind of empty.” Ronan replied honestly. He didn’t think he had any tears or swear words left in his weary body.

Ronan knew why Declan was asking, and it was a fair question of Declan to ask. This wasn’t the same. It fucking sucked Adam broke up with him, and it was a struggle to get through the past few days, but it wasn’t like last time. He had friends now, good friends, who were there for him. He had an out, he could walk away. Before he was trapped, he didn’t think there was a way out of his previous situation. He had his family now, truly. Declan and Matthew were fine with his sexuality, and Opal had never been taught that there was anything wrong with he and Adam being boyfriends. He felt hollow and strung out right now, but he didn’t feel the urge to do anything more self-destructive than plow through a six pack. And, he didn’t even really want to do that right now.

“I really think you’ll feel better if you get out for a little bit. We’ll even go to that disgusting pizza place you and your friends like for lunch.” 

Ronan stood up, stretched, and hugged his older brother. Declan was shocked by the contact. Ronan hadn’t even hugged him at their parent’s funeral. When he had carried Ronan to the car to take him to the hospital was the last time he had had this much physical contact from Ronan. Declan hugged Ronan back. And then it was over before it had even really started. Both men looked a little embarrassed by the exchange.

“It’s not like last time.” Ronan promised quietly.

Declan nodded, accepted Ronan’s statement, and left Ronan alone get ready for church.

 

***

 

Adam was sitting on the landing as he eavesdropped on Colin and Piper arguing in the dining room. Because of his partial deafness, he was having trouble hearing what they were arguing about. It sounded like it might have something to do with Colin’s employer, and maybe about Adam, himself.

“….the fuck is wrong with you?” Piper yelled.

“I don’t see how this is any…” Colin reasoned.

“He’s just a kid.” Piper fumed.

“….ratted me out.” Colin countered.

“You’re the one who had to make things ugly.” Piper yelled loudly.

“I’m just fulfilling my obligation.”

“I don’t see how you are going to make him do anything.” Piper seethed.

“He knows what the score is, and what will happen if he doesn’t comply.” Colin had barely raised his voice during the exchange.

“You are sick. I used to find it charming in a creepy way, how you used people, but now you are just…” Piper trailed off.

“I honestly don’t know why you care.” Colin asserted, clearly perplexed as to why Piper did care.

“Well, you know my father. Let’s just say I am empathic.” Piper explained as she started walking toward the door.

“Well, I would say it was nice that you stopped by, but…” Colin cut himself off as he slammed the door in Piper’s face.

Adam snuck back to his room. They were clearly talking about him. What was the obligation Colin was fulfilling? How far was Adam expected to take this? Why did Piper care what happened to him, and who was her father, and why did she feel empathy toward Adam? There were too many things he didn’t know. Too many variables. He hoped he knew what he was doing. If he didn’t, it wasn’t just him that would be hurt.

 

***

 

Mass droned on. Normally Ronan enjoyed the ritual of church. The standing, the kneeling, the songs, the prayer, the taking of communion. He felt connected and whole, while stained glass windows funneled in hazy light, and he felt the holy ghost at his back. He even generally got through confession now without too much hemming and hawing. He understood, just as Declan had, that the faith and the belief were what was important. He tried not to feel too guilty about the aspects of himself he had no control over. He had long discussions with clergy and nuns, and the wind was shifting within the church, but change was slow going within the two-thousand year old institution. He didn’t feel like he was picking and choosing either, like the blowhard pundits he saw on cable news shows. He didn’t take the Bible literally, but as a series of guidelines, parables, and metaphors to be used to examine his own life. It was what had got him through some very difficult times, and he was grateful for the comfort his congregation provided. Normally, this was the best place for him to be when he felt like this; helpless, desperate, alone.

Not this morning though. This morning he chewed on his wristbands thoughtfully and contemplated Adam’s soul. Adam didn’t believe in God, he said he was a man of science. Ronan didn’t understand why Adam couldn’t have both. He didn’t see how the two were mutually exclusive. He had Adam had had several arguments over the topic of theology over the past two months, and it was the closest they had gotten to being truly angry with one another. Ronan didn’t know how to save someone’s soul if it didn’t want to be saved. Usually Adam would eventually capitulate, just to have the discussion over because he understood there was no point arguing with the faithful. There was no way Adam could prove God didn’t exist, so that was usually the end of it.

Ronan would have given anything to fight with Adam about the existence of God right then. He moved to start gnawing at the wristbands on his other hand, he felt Declan grab his arm, and he pointed at the watch.

“Where did you get that?” Declan hissed quietly.

“Adam gave it to me.” Ronan huffed, snatching his hand away from Declan, embarrassed he had put the watch on in the first place.

Declan clearly did not want to make a scene, so he turned his attention back to the sermon, hands neatly folded in front of him.

 

***

 

Lunch was awkward. Declan wouldn’t tell Ronan why he asked about the watch, and Ronan was pissed because he felt like Declan was lying to him. Maybe not lying, but definitely lie-adjacent. Luckily for the two older Lynches, Matthew prattled on happily about Joe’s new video game, about how Blue’s hair looking pretty in the sun, about how Chainsaw was clearly in love with the neighbor’s Mastiff, about how he was excited to start high school, about how he was happy football practice would be starting soon, about how he needed someone to take him to the mall to buy a new Discman, about how he thought he should get a mobile phone too, and on and on. Opal started out strong and bubbly, but was napping pretty soundly in her booster seat by the time the pizza arrived. Ronan and Declan probably didn’t say more than twenty words apiece for the hour long duration of the visit to Nino’s.

They were silent on the way home too, the low noise of Declan’s top forty station rumbling through the car speakers and Matthew’s snoring from the back seat the only sounds to be heard. Opal was awake and happily kicked the back of the driver’s seat from her car seat while looking out the window.

Matthew left for a friend’s house shortly after they got home, and Opal was picked up for a play date with a little boy from her pre-school. It was just Ronan and Declan. Declan was hoping Ronan would drop what happened in church, but Ronan was like a dog with a bone, and was not willing to let their awkward exchange go.

“Why did you ask about this watch?” Ronan asked Declan while they were in the kitchen.

“I just hadn’t seen it on you before. I wasn’t sure where it came from.” Declan answered smoothly.

“Why are you lying?” Ronan sneered.

Technically, Declan was not lying. He had never seen the watch on Ronan before, and he was not sure where Ronan had gotten the watch from.

“It just looked old and expensive, it just took me by surprise.” Declan said defensively.

Ronan took the watch off and threw it at Declan. Declan barely caught it.

“It’s yours, I don’t even want it.” Ronan snarked and left Declan alone in the kitchen.

He slowly turned the watch over and his heart sank when he saw the inscription etched in small cursive lettering on the back.

_Full of Goodness_

_Little Seal_

_Gift from God_

He wasn’t sure if Adam had done this intentionally or not. Declan assumed the former as Adam was sharply intelligent from what he could see, even if he often possessed the same stupid love-struck look Ronan often possessed when the two boys were together. Declan briefly thought about telling Ronan what he suspected, but then decided to keep it to himself until he had more answers.

 

***

 

Declan called in sick, for quite possibly the first time ever, the next day. He got up at the same time, dressed in one of his work suits, made breakfast for Opal and Matthew like he did every morning, and was out the door by 8:30 AM. He had found in, Ronan’s room, where he had written down Adam’s address several months before, and drove to Adam’s house. He parked across the street and waited.

He briefly thought he was acting like someone who wasn’t behaving in a completely sane and rational manner. Declan normally lived his entire life in a sane and rational manner, Ronan generally the only person who was capable of ruffling his feathers. He stared at Colin’s surprisingly modest home given the kind of wealth Colin possessed. At about 9:15, Colin made his way to his demure, moderately expensive, luxury sedan, and pulled out of his driveway. Declan remained in the car, not sure what to do. He wasn’t sure if Adam would even answer the door if he knocked. Just as he was about unbuckle his seat belt he saw Adam come out of the home. Adam stared directly at Declan’s vehicle, nodded subtly and got into his own car. Declan restarted his car and followed Adam once Adam pulled out of the driveway. Adam drove out of the city and pulled into a truck stop with a dinner about thirty miles outside of the city limits, after he was fairly confident Declan was the only care following him. Declan parked next to Adam and followed him inside. They sat at a booth towards the back of the restaurant. Neither man said anything until the waitress took their food and drink orders.

Declan fished the watch out of his pocket and slid it across to Adam.

“How?” Was all Declan offered.

Adam flipped the watch over and saw the engraving. It was so worn and faint that it had gone unnoticed, until Adam.

“Ronan told me your Mom would call him her little seal, and how you and Matthew got such better names than him. He would joke about how his name sounded a lot cooler than it was. I had to go to the library to confirm the other engravings were the meanings of yours and Matthew’s names after I noticed them on the back of the watch. I realized this was your Dad’s watch right before Colin threatened to hurt your family.” Adam explained as he fiddled with the salt shaker.

“How did you get the watch?” Declan asked, already knowing the answer.

“Piper got it in the divorce settlement and gave it to me. I think…I think she knew what it was, and it was why she was so insistent on having it. I think Colin wanted it as proof that your Dad had been taken care of.”

Declan sucked in a deep breath. He had always thought there was something suspicious with his parent’s deaths, especially knowing what his father had been involved in. He never had more than a gut feeling, and he felt having Ronan and Matthew safe with him was enough. He didn’t want to stir up anything, or draw attention to his family.

Before Declan could speak, their food arrived. They waited until the waitress was out of ear shot before continuing the conversation.

“What’s with the cloak and dagger routine? How did you know Ronan wouldn’t recognize it? Why didn’t you just tell Ronan? How did you even know I would recognize the watch? Or that I would come to your house?” Declan interrogated as he spread jam on his toast.

“Ronan had seen the watch several times in my room and never gave any indication he recognized it. I thought you probably did. You were twenty when your parents died, and it is a unique watch. Truth is, I am fucking scared. I don’t know how Colin finds out what he does, but he knows a lot, and I was worried if I told Ronan…that he…he would try to take care of this himself.” Adam explained as he picked at his eggs.

“Why are you telling me?”

“I don’t know what to do. I want to be rid of Colin. I don’t trust him to leave all of you alone when I leave. He’s just going to hold Ronan and you and Opal and Matthew and all my friends over my head every time I do something he doesn’t like. He caused Gansey to lose his spot at Princeton. That was his warning shot.” Adam explained urgently, no longer pretending to eat.

“Jesus.” Declan replied, rubbing his temples.

“How is Ronan?” Adam asked cautiously.

“He’s a wreck, but I think you did the right thing. He’s going to be pissed when he finds out about this, but I would rather have him be pissed than dead.”

“I was worried he would try to take care of this himself. I know it’s shitty of me…to not trust him…I just…the thought of something happening….” Adam was nearly hyperventilating.

Declan wrapped his hands over Adam’s wrists, it’s what he would do for Ronan when Ronan would get upset. He firmly rubbed his thumbs along the underside of Adam’s wrists until Adam started to breath normally.

“I honestly don’t know what Ronan would have done. I don’t think we should say anything until I can find out some more information. Let me talk to Alex to see if she knows anything about Colin. I’ll also talk to Blue’s stepdad. I know he use to run with Skov senior when he was a teenager. Maybe he can point me in the right direction.”  
Adam looked skeptical.

“Isn’t Blue’s stepdad a cop? I mean I don’t know if we should get the police involved. I’m pretty sure Colin has some of them in his pocket.” 

“Dean knows how to be discreet. He introduced himself when we moved here. Even though he was legitimate by that point, working on becoming a Captain, he still told me stuff about my Dad. Things that would have incriminated him. He helped me with all of Dad’s finances. He helped get us out of Laumonier’s sights. We can definitely trust him.”  
Adam shook his head in acceptance of this information. He trusted Declan, maybe more than he should, but Declan was the only adult he felt safe going to. And that was only because of how much Declan obviously loved Ronan. Declan wouldn’t do anything to put Ronan in danger.

“What should I do about Ronan?” Adam asked miserably.

“I know it sucks Adam, but you need to keep your distance. Just until we figure something out. Don’t say anything to Blue, Gansey, Henry, or Noah either. Hopefully it will only be a few more days.”

“He’s never going to forgive me for lying to him like this.” Adam sighed heavily as his picked as his hash browns.

“I think you underestimate how much my brother cares about you. He is, he is going to be furious when he finds out about this. I won’t lie about that. I honestly don’t know if he will want to be in a relationship with you anymore after this. But I do know he will eventually forgive you. He will someday realize you did this not only to keep him safe, but to keep his friends and family safe as well.” Declan explained.

Adam swallowed. It was not the answer he really wanted. The answer he had really wanted was that of course Ronan would love him no matter what. He knew that wasn’t the case. Part of him wished he had just come clean to Ronan and they could have figured out something together, but he assumed Colin’s spies were watching Ronan the closest. While one of the things Adam loved most about Ronan was how deeply he felt things, Ronan bleeding his feelings all over the place was not going to get anything resolved. It would most likely get someone killed.

“How do you want to get in touch with me?” Adam asked, he didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Ronan with Declan.

Declan slid a phone across to Adam.

“I got this for Matt for his birthday in December the same time I got Ronan’s. I went ahead and activated it. I will call you when I know more. Seriously, stay away from the house for the time being.”

“I know.” Adam snapped irritably. “Why do you think I quit at the community center? I assumed Matthew would probably stop buy asking what happened, or worse, Ronan. I know if I talk to Ronan again before we have a plan I will tell him everything. Jesus, I know to stay away, I’m not an idiot.”

Declan looked appropriately ashamed. He knew what it was that Ronan and Adam had was beyond some high school summer fling. Until a week ago Declan had been hoping the two boys would find a way to work out their long distance issues. He liked Adam. He liked how Ronan was around Adam. He would do anything he could to resolve this issue and reunite the two boys. Seeing them together gave him an understanding that love wasn’t just a fictional construct, it was real, and attainable. He wanted that for himself someday.  
“I know you aren’t Adam. I’m going to leave now. You wait five minutes before leaving, yeah?”

Adam nodded in the affirmative and Declan left.

 

***

 

Adam was in not a great mood by the time he got back home, but he felt a little better after talking to Declan. Just telling a “real” adult made his shoulders feel a little lighter. He did not have the same optimism Declan did regarding Ronan’s future feelings of betrayal. Adam wasn’t so sure Ronan would ever forgive him for this. Adam wasn’t so sure he would be able to accept forgiveness if it was offered. He thought however terrible he felt, it was worse for Ronan. Ronan had admitted he had had feelings for Adam throughout pretty much all high school. He had wanted them to be together long before Adam had any real inkling of who Ronan was. Adam still didn’t fully understand the depth of Ronan’s feeling, or why he felt the way he did. Adam objectively knew he wasn’t terrible looking, but someone like Ronan wouldn’t be interested in someone just because of physical appearance. The argument could be made if Kavinsky got sober he would probably be just as attractive as Adam, maybe more, given Adam had certain features which weren’t stereotypically attractive of men in America. Adam didn’t even know why he thought about such things on the way back to his house. He missed Ronan terribly, and he probably shouldn’t keep thinking about him.

There was a package set against the screen door wrapped in butcher paper. There was a note written in Sharpie indicating his was for Adam. Adam picked up the package, immediately knowing what it was. He hurried up to his room to open it. He nearly sobbed at the sight of the 12 x 14 painting Ronan had done, of them. It was a painting of them at the farm, the first time they went. They were wrapped up in one another, just like the silhouette of the men embracing Adam stumbled across when looking through Ronan’s studio. Ronan said he could never get people “right,” like they were always lacking emotion or whatever spark made them, them. This was every bit Adam and Ronan though. They were shirtless, with Adam’s head on Ronan’s chest, and Ronan was kissing Adam’s head. There was a tartan blanket covering everything below their waists. There were fireflies illuminating certain aspects of the two men’s features; Adam high cheekbones, Ronan’s blue eyes, an ugly cutting scar on Ronan’s bare hip, and equally ugly cigarette burn on Adam’s arm. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and not because Ronan had found a way for Adam to see his own beauty. It evoked such strong feelings in Adam, he didn’t know how to handle them. 

He noticed a post it note which has become detached in the unwrapping. It instructed Adam to look out his back bedroom window. And sure enough, there was Ronan Lynch, sitting on the hood of his car, the song from the night they were first together play out of the factory stereo. Ronan looked up and stared at Adam. Adam stared back. Ronan looked terrible and lovely. It was clear he had been sleeping about as well as Adam, given the heavy bruised bags under Ronan’s eyes, and it looked like Ronan had lost weight in just the short six days since they last saw one another. Ronan motioned for Adam to open a window. Adam sighed and obliged. He had to get rid of Ronan before Colin came home.

“What?” Adam asked, forcing himself to sound annoyed, exasperated.

“Can we talk?” Ronan called up towards the window.

“I don’t think that is a good idea.” Adam replied, quite honestly. He knew if he got within five feet of Ronan, he would run to him, beg him for forgiveness, and then kiss him senselessly.

“It just doesn’t make sense.” Ronan declared loudly from his perch. “I mean you were such a dick about breaking up with me, and that isn’t you. You aren’t that person. Why can’t you tell me what the real reason is?”

Adam hummed to himself, he shoved his hands firmly in his jeans pockets.

“You need to leave.” Adam said, coldly.

“Why won’t you just talk to me?” Ronan growled, frustrated.

This didn’t make sense to him. He had been turning over everything Gansey and Blue had said on Saturday, and it just didn’t make sense. This was not Adam. Ronan looked up at Adam’s blank face, and internally shuddered. He looked so cold and detached, nothing like the boy he loved, and everything like the uncle Ronan hated.  
“Did Colin say something to you?” Ronan pleaded. “Is that why you are doing this?”

Adam’s jaw clicked.

“Ronan, you need to go. I don’t want you here. I don’t want to see you, I thought I had made myself pretty clear.” Adam yelled down, coldly.

Ronan swallowed. He felt humiliated all the sudden. He had given everything to Adam, and Adam so obviously didn’t want any of it. He shouldn’t have let Blue and Gansey get his hopes up over Adam being coerced, or regretful, or whatever over his decision. He had thought the painting, the painting he had done a couple of weeks ago but was too timid to gift to Adam at that point, would have sparked something. It had not. Adam just stared at Ronan with his icy sea blue eyes, distant and cruel.

“OK, I get it. Well fuck you very much too. I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you again. I hope you had a good laugh. I hope all of this was enjoyable for you somehow. I hope you and your soulless ambition will be very happy together.” Ronan yelled as he hopped off his car and got in the driver’s seat. 

Ronan stuck his hand out the window to give Adam the bird before he speedily backed out of the back driveway and sped away.

Adam didn’t dare breath for thirty seconds after Ronan pulled away. He feared he might go running after him. He calmly closed the window, wrapped the painting in an old sheet, placed it in the back of his closet, went to the bathroom, flipped the toilet seat up, and threw up the contents of his breakfast with Declan earlier that morning.

 

***

 

Ronan decided to get himself into some trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot finally advances!
> 
> I don't know if I am doing the right thing. I know in the world of canon there is no way Adam would go to Declan for help over Ronan, but I think I made Adam's reasoning sound enough...I think.
> 
> I think maybe I am just not cut out for the fluff life...I did try at least. :)
> 
> Thank you for the feedback! It's so kind and thoughtful.


	21. The Six Degrees Was Fairly Short

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan makes a bad decision involving Kavinsky

Ronan drove around the greater Seattle area for the rest of the early August afternoon. Adam would be gone in a few weeks, and Ronan would have domain over the city once again. He just had to wait the prick out. Ronan was tired of crying. Tired of looking pathetic and weak. He was tired of the pitying looks from his brothers and his friends. Tired of worrying about why Adam decided to become such a classic asshole, seemingly overnight. He was tired of being good. Tired of pretending to be something he wasn’t. He wasn’t a good person. He wasn’t a kind person. He wasn’t someone with goals or ambitions. His trust was large enough that he didn’t really have to work unless he was a complete asshole with his money like Kavinsky was.

Kavinsky.

Yes, of course. That miserable excuse of a human being would take Ronan’s mind off his troubles. Kavinsky would have races. Kavinsky would have drugs. Maybe Kavinsky would take Ronan’s mind off all of his troubles. Ronan dialed Kavinsky’s number. Kavinsky picked up after the second ring, he always was too eager.

“Lynch.” Kavinsky answered, Ronan could almost feel the leer in K’s tone.

“What are you assholes up to?”

“What, no plans with your pretty boy…oh wait…I heard he popped your cherry and kicked you to the curb. So Sad.”

Ronan ground his teeth. He would ask how Kavinsky knew this, but the six degrees was fairly short. Matthew guessed what happened, passed that along to Ben, who passed it along to Blake, who passed it along the king of the assholes himself, Joseph Kavinsky.

“I thought you’d be delighted since you’ve been trying to get into my pants since I stepped foot in this city.” Ronan taunted meanly.

“Sick…whatever.” Kavinsky sneered angrily.

Kavinsky, the classic homophobe. It’s like there was anyone who didn’t know what Proko and Kavinsky got up to on the weekends. Prokopenko was pretty, but was equally gullible and empty headed. It didn’t take a crack team of interrogators to get information out of Proko. He was weirdly proud of the thoroughly unhealthy relationship he shared with Kavinsky. He occasionally bragged. Ronan had thought about intervening a couple of times, but trusted Skov and Swan to do something if it got too bad.

“Cut the shit K. You losers going to be at the strip tonight?” Ronan asked impatiently.

“I think that can be arranged, a little substance party for your new found freedom? Maybe we can come up with something to help you forget Parrish.” Kavinsky cooed.

Ronan shuddered, and sighed.

“You know, I might just hate myself enough right now to take you up on that.” Ronan admitted.

“Just how I like them, self-hatred is an attractive quality.” Kavinsky quirked. “See on the flip side mo’fo.”

The line went dead.

Ronan was already regretting this decision, and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

 

***

 

Kavinsky’s pack of hyenas and thugs liked to hang out at an abandoned raceway on the southeast part of town. Ronan had spent the better part of three hours deciding on whether or not to be this particular brand of stupid. He knew this was a terrible idea, no good would come of it. He could almost see the disappointed look on Declan’s face. The barely masked disgust on Blue’s face. The incomprehension on Gansey’s face. Noah was the only one who understood even a little.

Kanvinsky hadn’t always been Kavinsky. He had once been Joseph, Joe, even Joey to Proko. He had always been an asshole, but there was a time when he was Ronan and Adam’s brand of asshole, not the psychopathic monster he turned into. He had been one of the first friends Ronan had made when he transferred. No one knew what Ronan had once been, and when Joseph met Ronan the only thing he saw was a dark, attractive boy, who looked like he perhaps did not have the self-preservation instinct so many of his classmates possessed. Kavinsky zeroed in on Ronan immediately. At first, it was just trading insults, street racing, smoking, and drinking (the smoking was a very short lived bad habit on Ronan’s part), and thinly veiled innuendos. Ronan had never come out to anyone before, but he knew Kavinsky knew, so there was no point in hiding.

It was all in secret, starting the beginning of junior year, and nothing more really than fevered kisses in the back seat of one of their cars or occasionally Kavinsky’s bedroom if his parents were out. Kavinsky pushed for more, and Ronan pushed back. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to progress the relationship in the closet. Kavinsky mocked Ronan for using the word relationship. Kavinsky’s Dad died around Thanksgiving that year and by Christmas Kavinsky was snorting and shooting any substance he could find. Ronan told Kavinsky very pointedly that he wanted nothing to do with a drug addict, and left Kavinsky to his own devices. In retaliation, Kavinsky picked Matthew up from school one day, while he was coked out of his mind.

He told Ronan it would be in his best interest to come back to him, as he had something Ronan wanted very much. Mathew barely said ‘Hi’ over Kavinskey’s line when Ronan was in the car, racing to Kavinsky’s suburban mansion. Ronan soundly beat the shit out of Kavinsky that day. Skov didn’t even do anything to intervene, he had a little brother too, he got it. Kavinsky left Ronan alone after that, at least until Ronan got involved with Adam, and then Kavinsky started to act like no time had passed.

Kavinsky called Ronan.

Kavinsky emailed Ronan.

Kavinsky had even stopped by the house a few times over the summer.

The only reason Declan hadn’t beat the shit out of Kavinsky on sight was because he didn’t want to go to jail for assault, and because he didn’t know what Kavinsky had done to Matthew. If he had known…well…the assault charge would have been worth it.

Ronan ignored it all, because he had Adam. He loved Adam and that love preoccupied most of his time, leaving little time to ponder the annoyance that was Joseph Kavinsky. He was pondering now though. Who had he been fooling, really? To have someone like Adam, maybe go to school for something he didn’t despise? To maybe love himself a little? He assumed a lot of this was self-pity and he rationally knew he would feel better if he put some distance between him and Adam, but right now he didn’t want to be healthy. He didn’t want to process. He just wanted to feel, something.

Skov and Swan were leaning against a wire fence talking to Jiang and Henry Broadway when Ronan approached them. They are stroking one another’s egos, and Ronan already felt disgusted.

“Sorry about you and Adam bro. Fuck that guy, you came just to the right spot.” Jiang said good naturedly.

“We are too young to be hassled with all that commitment bullshit. Chicks or dudes, it’s just not worth the hassle.” Henry said sagely.

“Man, you should just go find someone who kinda looks like Adam, fuck him, and dump him. It’ll clear your mind.” Skov added.

“I don’t know why you stuck it out as long as you did. You had to know you and Adam…that was never going to work.” Swan concluded.

Ronan glared at these four, single, losers standing in front of him. He knew Broadway and Jiang were pretty solidly straight, but both were friends with Henry and Noah. He knew Skov dated girls very enthusiastically, and he didn’t think it was an act, but he was pretty sure there was something at least emotional between Skov, and the demurely lovely Swan. So, he didn’t think there was anything overtly homophobic here, they were just being assholes.

“Bitches man, what’ya gonna do?” Kavinsky yelled good naturedly, his arm wrapped around Prokopenko’s shoulder as he walked toward the gaggle of single losers.

After Kavinsky grabbed a beer out of the cooler next to Skov, he sat on it, pulling Proko to sit on his lap. This is new, Ronan thought. He guessed at least Kavinsky was no longer hiding.

“I have a questions for you fuck sticks. If you guys know so much about relationships and what I should be doing, how come you are here at ten at night? You’re getting drunk, with no one. Why in the holy fuck would I listen to any of you shit stains?” Ronan glared.

There was silence for a few moments.

“It’s obviously my choice.” Jiang defended, remember the sting of Mindy slapping him last week when he informed her that he didn’t go down on chicks.

“It’s a conscious decision.” Henry offered with much less conviction, remembering how envious he had been of Ronan for acting on his crush, after Henry had been nursing a thing for Swan’s sister since freshman year.

“I don’t want to deal with the drama.” Skov declared as he glanced at Swan for a beat too long.

“Fuck that shit.” Kavinsky cheered, and Ronan actually believed Kavinsky when he said.

He was pretty sure Kavinsky didn’t care about anything anymore.

“So, where did pretty boy Parrish do it?” Kavinsky sneered, delighted.

“On the athletic field at the high school.” Ronan mumbled.

“Fuck, well at least all your bad memories will be of one place.” Proko said earnestly.

“Just up you little fag.” Kavinsky barked, slapping Proko lightly on the cheek.

Proko blushed and turned his head away, smiling. What the fuck. Ronan didn’t even want to know what kind of kinky game those two were playing.

“Come on, Lynch. We are going to keep you entertained tonight.” Kavinsky laughed, almost maniacally.

“Maybe, I should just head home.” Ronan said, thoroughly convinced this was now a bad idea. Before he could back up too far, other cars started pulling up. Sports cars mostly. Fast cars. Ronan’s blood thrummed with the possibility of what might happen. He suddenly felt a little relieved to not be alone with Kavinsky and his thugs. He remembered Kavinsky waxing poetic once about how consent was overrated. It had chilled Ronan.

Kegs were being unloaded, a makeshift bar was set up, someone was unboxing fireworks, a DJ was setting up, running his equipment off a generator. It was hastily thrown together, but there was…premeditation…to it. Ronan was fairly convinced this little shindig was slapped together for his benefit. It made him feel better and worse at the same time.

“Come on fuck boy, let’s get you trashed!” Kavinsky yelled at Ronan in a rare good humor, as he walked past him, shoving his hand solidly into the back of Proko’s jeans’ pocket.

Ronan hated to admit it, but the party was pretty fun. There was good music, good booze, good drag racing. He realized a little late he probably shouldn’t have been drinking so much if he wanted to race. He set his fourth beer down, half-finished and wondered around the party. There were a few people from the old high school crowd, but it seemed like mostly older, college aged kids. His head felt a little fuzzy, which he thought was weird because three and half beers over a two hour time span gave him a happy little buzz, but he felt a little like he had been pounding the hard stuff since sundown. He stumbled a little and felt someone grab his arm. He went to wrench it away, but then looked down and saw Tad Carruthers steadying him.

“Great.” Ronan slurred, with it enough to roll his eyes.

“Hey friend, let’s sit down.” Tad said kindly, but still found a way to be annoying about it.

They sat on the tail end of someone’s pickup truck. Ronan waited until everything stopped spinning before speaking.

“Why are you here?” Ronan pointed at Tad, who was dressed in khakis and a polo shirt.

“Oh, Skov is my cousin. He always invites me, because he feels bad for me, but I never come. I thought I would see what I’m missing before I leave for Stanford.” Tad smiled.  
“Of course, you got into Stanford.” Ronan mumbled, as he looked away.

“I heard about you and Adam. I’m sorry, I really am. I mean I know I wasn’t always nice to you in school, but I saw how Adam looked at you and I was jealous. He didn’t even know your name, but he looked at you like you were ice cream. I did everything I could to get his attention, but he was never interested in me. I made a fool of myself for no reason.” Tad said glumly, but not in a self-pitying way.

“Fuck that. You put yourself out there. I had to give myself a five semester long pep talk before doing it. If I had just done it, been upfront like you, maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much.” Ronan decided, he felt dizzy again.

“Ronan, I think someone put something in your drink.” Tad offered cautiously.

“Nah, fuck weasel, I put something in all the drinks, Lynch isn’t special.” Kavinsky smirked, coming up to Tad’s side of the pickup truck.

Tad immediately dumped his drink out, and looked at Kavinsky, a little horrified.

“Relax, Ted, Todd…whatever the fuck your name is. It’s just a little happy pill, mellow everyone out. It’ll wear off in a couple hours. In the meantime, we all get to have fun.” Kavinsky grinned. “You want to have fun, dontcha, Lynch?” 

Ronan was having trouble focusing, he was loose in his own body, his bones felt like Jell-O. He was having a hard time keeping his focus on much of anything. He knew he was talking to Tad for some fucking reason, and now Kavinsky was there. Fuck, Kavinsky. He couldn’t be alone with Kavinsky, that seemed important.

“Tag, get the fuck out of here. Ronan and I need to become reacquainted.” Kavinsky smirked, smiling at Ronan in a way that Ronan feel very much like he was shark bait.  
“I don’t know. I think maybe I should just take Ronan home. He doesn’t look well.”

Kavinsky then nodded and Skov came to the pickup truck, picked Tad up, and carried Tad to Tad’s car and told Tad, not unkindly, to get the fuck out of there.  
Tad waited for Skov to be out of sight and immediately called Gansey.

 

***

 

“Adam, you have to come. This is kind of your fault.” Noah begged over the phone.

Adam had been woken up at one in morning by his phone repeatedly ringing; Gansey, Blue, Noah, Henry – even Tad once. How had Tad even gotten his number? He ignored it for about twenty minutes, but then worried they would start calling the house phone.

“It’s really better if I am not involved.” Adam said sleepily.

“Whatever. I don’t know what happened with you and Ronan, but he was fine until he met you. And then you broke his heart, and he seemed to be doing OK under the circumstances, but I know he went and saw you today. And now he is at a Kavinsky party, and I blame you.” Noah steamed, about as much as Noah ever steamed.

“You don’t understand,” Adam started.

“No, you don’t. If you don’t come with us, then we know for sure.”

“Know what?”

“That you never really cared about Ronan.” 

“It’s more complicated than that. You don’t understand. And I cannot explain. I am sorry you feel this way.” Adam’s tone was level, as level as it could be. He wanted desperately to get into his car, but he had promised Declan. Gansey was going to get Ronan, and thing would be fine.

“This sucks. We all really liked you. We thought you were going to help Ronan…like discover himself or something. Have fun in Europe, Adam.” Noah hung up the phone before Adam could say anything else.

Adam paced back and forth nervously. He knew if he left, Colin would know why. And what could he do? If he went, there was every chance Ronan would go ballistic on him. Or, even worse, Ronan would think things had changed, and they would be able to move forward with their relationship. He had hated every minute of this past week, probably more than Ronan had. Adam called Declan, explained what was going on and asked him to call when he knew Ronan was safe. It was the best he could do with a very bad situation.

 

***

 

Kavinsky had Ronan pressed up against the side of Jiang’s Supra. He was running his had underneath Ronan’s shirt, while mouthing at Ronan’s neck. Ronan didn’t want this, but he didn’t not want this. He felt numb, more from his heart than from the drugs. They were already starting to wear off. In that moment, he just didn’t care. What did it matter, really? In less than a month, it would just be him and Kavinsky here anyway. Maybe this was how things were supposed to end. Kavinsky wasn’t that bad when he wasn’t coked out of his mind. Maybe they could make whatever this was work in some twisted way. But…then…Ronan remember Mathew. Kavinsky could never be anywhere near Mathew. Ronan violently pushed Kavinsky away from him.

“No.” Ronan said firmly, suddenly very sober.

Kavinsky laughed, a bitter laughed.

“Jesus, fuck, Lynch. I never pegged you for a cock tease. Is that how it’s going to be with us?”

“There is no us Joseph. I was stupid to come here. Just get back to your party, I will call Gansey or Noah to come and pick me up.” Ronan very calmly stated.

Suddenly, any trace of humor Kavinsky felt was gone.

“I’m fucking sick of this Lynch, you’ve been jerking me around for two years now. It’s supposed to be you and me. I know you know it. It was once.”

Ronan looked at Kavinsky with something akin to pity. Until tonight, Ronan didn’t feel he had done anything to encourage Kavinsky’s affections since he had ended things between them. He would have felt worse if he thought Kavinsky was cable of the same feelings as he was, or anything a sane, rational, individual was. Ronan suspected Kavinsky just wanted to collect him, like he had his other pieces; Prokopenko, Skov, Swan, Jiang. Kavinsky wasn’t in love with Ronan, he wanted to own Ronan, and those were two very different things.

“K, look, we shouldn’t have ever been involved in the first place. I don’t feel, that, for you. I never did. I was just a scared gay kid, and you liked me, and I liked that you liked me. We aren’t kids anymore. It’s time for both of us to grow up.” Ronan said this, and he believed it.

“Oh, fuck you. Just because you got to blow some grant recipient doesn’t mean you know shit about shit. You are just a scared bitch, too afraid to be with a real man.” Kavinsky sneered angrily.

This made Ronan laugh, and honest laugh, for the first time in a week.

“I’m going to end you.” Kavinsky yelled and went for Ronan.

Ronan then broke Kavinsky’s nose, again.

“Fuck you.” Kavinsky slobbered, blood was freely running down his face. 

He got into Jiang’s Supra, and took off just as Blue, Gansey, Henry, and Noah found him.

“You…asshole.” Blue cried as she threw herself into Ronan’s arms.

“I know Sargent, I know.” Ronan said as he stroked her hair.

Henry and Noah were about to move in on the group hug when they heard a loud bang. Ronan pushed Blue away and started running toward the sound. It looked like something was on fire. Several hundred yards down the road, a white Toyota Supra had run into a tree. The car was on fire, and the driver was impaled on a piece of glass as he hung half way out of the front windshield. Eyes open, glassy, empty. They would later be told that he died on impact, there was nothing that anyone could have done. Joseph Kavinsky was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Kavinsky...you POS - I would sometimes think Kavinsky must be capable of some form of genuine emotion given his obsession with Ronan...but I guess that is what it was, and obsession. I never like to give him more time than the story merits - he skeeves my out.
> 
> Awe, Tad isn't a creep, just a loser. I feel like the poor guy had just been thoroughly trashed in this fandom...it feels so harsh for a character who had like two lines. :) I love it when he is the bad guy though, that is usually pretty fun though too.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this and for the feedback - it is always appreciated!


	22. I Suggest You Take It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kavinsky's funeral. Colin is confronted. Adam is homeless.

“Fuck, that boyfriend of yours continues to be a pain in my ass.” Colin growled, several days after Kavinsky's death.

Adam was tying his tie in the living room, getting ready to go to Joseph Kavinsky’s funeral of all things. He was annoyed by this. He had never liked Kavinsky in life, and he struggled the entire time he had been with Ronan as to why Ronan had ever wanted anything to do with the trashy streetcar racer. His uncle said he had something to take care of there, and he wanted Adam to accompany him. Adam only agreed, without rancor or argument, because he knew something his uncle didn’t. 

“Ronan didn’t kill Joseph, that guy was an asshole, looking for a way out.” Adam proclaimed as he slipped his dress shoes on in the hallway.

“Fine, Ronan didn’t pull the trigger, but regardless, now I have to deal with Mrs. Kavinsky on top of everything else. Fuck.” Colin grumbled as he ran his hands through his hair, his visibly thinning hair, Adam had noticed with no small sense of schadenfreude. 

“Let’s just get this over with.” Adam decided as he put his suit jacket it on. It was unusually warm and sunny out, it prompted Adam to wait as long as he could before dressing.

Adam thought maliciously maybe there was a God, and he was happy Kavinsky was dead. He felt bad about the thought afterwards, he wasn’t sad Kavinsky was dead, but he didn’t take any joy in it either.

Just as Colin grabbed his keys out of the bowl on the side table in the front hall, the phone rang.

 

***

 

_Hey, Adam…it’s me…I know you blocked me on your cell, it goes right to voicemail…which is not set up…so this is the last time I’ll call. I’ve decided to cut out all the macho bullshit, my pride, whatever. Something is up with you, I know it…and I can forgive whatever it is if you will talk to me. I dunno, maybe you aren’t listening, maybe your uncle is there…if he is…he can go fuck himself…_

Blue glared at Ronan from where he sat on her green and yellow handmade quilt.

_I’ve been thinking, maybe I didn’t know you; maybe none of this was even real. Maybe the world is a full of food and sex and spectacle, and everyone is just hurtling towards chaos. Maybe it’s all just entropy. In which case, I guess this isn’t your fault. Maybe this is for the best. I’ve been thinking about these things…_

Ronan sighed heavily away from the phone. Blue got up and sat next to Ronan on the bed, her hand firmly clasped in his.

_You are probably standing there monitoring this, so whatever I guess. I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me. I want you to get away from that monster of an uncle. I want so many things for you…but if you could do me one thing…the painting…destroy it, please. It hurts me that it is out there in the world. OK, that’s it._

Ronan hung up the phone, tears in eyes, and Blue hugged him in her overly bright bedroom. Ronan didn’t know Noah had tried to call Adam on the night of Kavinsky’s party, and Noah was never going to tell him. Blue didn’t tell him she had overheard her stepdad on the phone with who she thought was Declan, and Adam’s name had been mentioned. Gansey had not mentioned that he had been to Adam’s house every day for the past week and a half and Adam had refused to see him. Declan didn’t tell Ronan anything, because that was just how Declan was.

***

 

Ronan had already hung up the phone when Adam went to answer it. Colin was impatiently waiting in the car.

 

***

 

“I’m fine, back off maggot.” Ronan said, gently shoving Blue away from him so he could wipe his eyes and blow his nose. “You are going to wrinkle my suit.”

“Whatever,” Blue rolled her eyes as she stood up and smoothed out her own dress. “Why are we going to this again?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I have to.” Ronan shrugged.

“Ummm…you know this isn’t your fault, right? Kavinsky had a death wish for like ever, and he was coked out of his mind on top of being two times over the legal limit. Plus, he was getting all handsy with you when you weren’t in any sort of state of consent.” Blue concluded in disgust.

“I knew what he was doing, and didn’t care until I thought about what he had done to Matthew.” Ronan confessed, embarrassed.

“Well, as far as rebounds go, you could have done better. I mean, Tad would have been better.” 

Ronan just shrugged his shoulders and stood up, towering over Blue. They made a strange pair. Him, well over six feet tall with tattoos, dark clothes, loud music, and a perfect scowl. Her, not quite five feet tall with a fascination with Henna, bright loud clothes, whimsical earthy music, and a perfect scowl. They were different and alike in all the ways which truly mattered.

“I wish my parents had forbidden me to go.” Blue grumbled as she wrapped a shawl over her sleeveless blue sundress with a bright yellow sunflower print. She wasn’t making any special concessions for Joseph Kavinsky.

Gansey, Noah, and Henry had all been banned from going to Kavinsky’s funeral. Gansey’s Mom being a senator, Noah’s parents just not liking what a bully Kavinsky had been, and Henry’s mother had bad blood with the Kavinksys, and their employer.

“Could you maybe not wear Old Navy flip flops? For me?” Ronan glared at Blue’s feet, which were adorned with red plastic flip flops that you found in the dollar bin at Old Navy.

Blue sighed heavily and threw on a nicer pair of flip flops before they left.

 

***

 

They day had turned from unpleasantly warm, to miserably hot. It was eighty-six on the early August afternoon Joseph was buried. The service at the church had been blessedly short, but as people stood at the grave site, men were taking off jackets and loosening ties, while women were slipping off jackets and fanning faces. The minister droned on affectations that did not apply to Joseph in the slightest, his mother had clearly been in denial about the kind of boy her son turned out to be. She seemed to enjoy the same kind of self-medicating her son did, so her grasp on reality was tentative as best.

Adam was not surprised to see Ronan there with Declan. Ronan was very surprised to see Adam though. Adam looked like he had lost a severe amount of weight in the past two weeks since they had really seen one another. Ronan could only see Adam’s head and part of his torso when he had confronted Adam less that a week ago. Adam had severe bags under his eyes, his hair had been cut severely short, not as short as Ronan’s but there was not enough to run fingers through. The thought of that made Ronan inexplicably sad, even though he knew he wouldn’t have the opportunity again. Adam looked distinctly uncomfortable being there, in Colin’s presence. That made Ronan glare at Colin, eyes narrowed. Colin made eye contact and just smirked. Ronan felt like he had just understood something fundamentally important.

After the service Blue and Ronan walked over to Adam while Colin made his way to Joseph’s mother, the only reason Colin had come in the first place. Colin had worked with Joseph Senior, and it would have been rude for him to not attend.

“Parrish.” Ronan said, as he looked just over Adam’s right shoulder, he avoided eye contact.

“Ronan.” Adam replied, he refused to pretend they had only ever been last names to one another.

“How are you Adam?” Blue asked, sincerely, trying to keep some semblance of civility to the conversation.

“Just tying up loose ends before leaving for school.” Adam said evenly.

“Yes, we all know you can’t wait to leave here.” Ronan scoffed.

“You’re right, I am happy to be leaving. You would be too if you had to deal with what I have had to.” Adam sneered, trying, but failing to keep his temper in check.

“Ronan, behave.” Blue chided. “Do you have everything you need? I was hoping maybe we could all have dinner or something before you go. We are leaving Saturday, but your flight isn’t until the twenty-fourth, correct?”

“Yes, that would nice Blue. I would appreciate it. I think my schedule should be clearing up pretty soon.” Adam said cryptically. He then turned to Ronan. “I got your message, it was right as I was leaving. I was hoping maybe we could…talk later?” Adam asked Ronan hopefully.

Ronan shrugged his shoulders, then looked at Adam. The icy coldness Ronan had seen in Adam’s gaze during their previous two encounters was gone. Now, Adam looked pleading, hopeful. Ronan felt like there was something going on where he was being purposefully left out. It was frustrating. He didn’t want to feel like this, and he didn’t need or want Adam to continue to jerk him around like this. 

But, he missed Adam like crazy. He wanted to tell Adam everything that had happened since they have been apart. He wanted Adam to know that he got accepted into the art program for the spring semester at that fancy school in Birmingham. He had done it without knowing if he and Adam would ever speak again. He had done it on his own. He wanted to tell him how Kavinsky made Ronan realize what he wanted in life, and how he wanted to live, for himself. He felt kinetic with energy, and he was still desperately heartbroken, but he finally understood he couldn’t live for anyone, but himself. He thought maybe if he conveyed these things to Adam, maybe one day they could still be friends.

"I mean, if you aren’t too busy with your nerd shirt…I guess you could stop by the house later.” Ronan said nonchalantly.

“OK, I’ll take it.” Adam said, smiling more than he should have been considering they were at a grave sight.

Before they three kids could say anything else, they heard Colin raise his voice:

“Fuck you, you don’t get to touch me.” 

Ronan, Adam, and Blue witnessed Captain Grey and Declan Lynch pull Colin away from the crowd and into Declan’s car. The three drove away.

Adam didn’t hide his smile this time.

 

***

 

Dean, Declan, and Colin were sitting in a very public restaurant, in a very public part of town. Colin was sitting on the inside of the booth with Dean next to him. Declan sat on the other side of the booth. After the waitress took their order: black coffee for all three, and nothing else, she sighed and walked away, no longer expecting a tip.

“You know this is kidnapping, right?” Colin sneered.

“You agreed to come along.” Dean said in an even tone.

“Let’s dispense with the niceties, what do you assholes want?” 

Declan slid the watch across to Colin. Colin glared at it and stared at the ceiling for a good thirty seconds before staring daggers at Declan.

“Who knows?” Colin asked, no longer attempting coyness.

“Laumonier. It turns out he was the one who helped my Mom pick the watch out for my Dad. He really valued my Dad, but you know that. It’s why he tasked you with finding a replacement for him after you had my father killed. That’s who Adam was supposed to be isn’t it? You made Adam break up with my brother so Adam could focus on being what? Your minion? How was that going to work in the long term?”

“Yes, I had Niall killed. Aurora was unfortunate collateral damage.” Colin shrugged. “Laumonier could never prove I did anything, but he said I need to find someone as worthwhile as Niall, which I have tried to do for like ten years now. Your father was an asshole, but he was fucking good as what he did. It wasn’t until Adam started working at the gallery where I thought he would be just as good, if not better. I was waiting until Adam actually started at Oxford before putting his name to Laumonier. I can back off though.” Colin amended.

“Colin, you and I know it’s too late for that. Laumonier was irritated by your involvement in Niall’s death, but he was more concerned about this ongoing investigation. I’m friends with Agent Sims, and he gets very chatty after a few beers. Looks like you are going down Colin. They have your accountant in WIT SEC. Here is the thing though. I like Adam. He is a good kid with a bright future. I want him to be able to get on that plane. There doesn’t need to be any long drawn out trial. You just disappear.” Dean said in his usual even tone.

“What do you mean by disappear?” Colin, asked nervous.

“Well, it turns out Laumonier has dispatched some men to take care of you. Dean was of mind that you turn yourself in and try to turn on Laumonier. I didn’t like how that would probably get Adam and my family involved. I also don’t want to feel responsible for your death, even though you stole my parents from me and my brothers. You are going to leave. Today. Whatever you can withdraw, and whatever you can carry on your back is what you will take with you.” Declan said in an eerily creepy tone that almost matched Deans.

“Fuck both of you. I don’t have to do shit. I don’t even know if you are telling the truth.” 

Dean then slid a folder over to Colin. It was for a search warrant, to be served at his place of business and his house tomorrow morning. It was just waiting for a judge’s signature which Dean assured would be coming at any moment.

“This is the best offer you are going to get. I suggest you take it.” Dean encouraged.

“Fine, take me back to me car, and you’ll never hear from me again.” Colin, pouted. He actually sulked about not being arrested or murdered.

 

***

 

Against Declan and Dean’s advice, Adam waited for Colin back at the house. When Declan had contacted him two days ago to tell him Dean had everything he needed to force Colin’s hand, Adam had to resist the urge to run to Ronan and beg for forgiveness. Declan had offered to let Colin turn himself in, but Adam worried about a widespread investigation, and who else might be drawn in; the Lynches, Ben’s Mom, himself. He thought it would be better to just let Colin escape. He was finished. He would spend the rest of his life in hiding. That thought should have been enough to comfort Adam, but he felt like he needed more.

Adam needed to do this. He needed this sense of closure. Colin had nearly stolen everything from him. There was every chance he would still lose Ronan over this. He needed to confront Colin in order to be able to move on with his life. He was sitting in Colin’s chair, when Colin returned home.

“You are guilty, of all of it, aren’t you?’ Adam asked coolly as Colin entered the house.

“What are you on about?” Colin asked, distracted, as he tried to remember where his luggage was.

“Killing Ronan’s parents, tax evasion, trafficking, blackmailing, whatever, the list goes on.”

“Why do you care, you are getting what you want?” Colin asked, annoyed.

“I wanted to know if you cared at all? About who you hurt, about how you made me feel. Did any of it matter to you, at all?” Adam asked, the hurt clear in his voice.

“No, I didn’t care. You were just another tool I used. I was so close to taking everything from that asshole, Laumonier, but who fucking knew true love would get in the way?”  
Colin yelled.

“You know Dean is sitting outside of the house, right?” Adam asked with more bravado than he felt.

“Yes, it’s the only reason you are still breathing you little shitstain. If it was just the two of us, I probably would throttle you with my bare hands. Ugh, the drain on resources you were. The time, the money, the everything to take care of you. And you meet some cute boy, and you just…I can’t…I don’t care. I just need to get some clothes, and I will be out of here. You should probably get some too, the Feds are going to raid this place in the morning, and everything was bought with laundered money, so you are about to be penniless my dear nephew.” The last part Colin relayed gleefully as he jumped up the stairs.

Adam knew that wasn’t strictly true. His grandparents had left him some money, but he wouldn’t be able to touch that until he was twenty-five other than the small allowance he was given for living expenses. It was a little upsetting, but he knew this was coming and he had a couple grand shoved in a shoe box, and he would get a job. He had worked hard his whole life, even when he didn’t strictly need to. He could do it again. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Well kid, I would say it’s been swell, but fuck you and that goddamned Lynch family.” Colin grinned maliciously as he walked out the door, and slammed it on the way out.  
A few minutes later, Dean walked in the house.

“So now what?” Adam asked.

“They will come in the morning, and the will take everything. You won’t be able to stay here during the investigation. They will definitely take your car, but I can probably make the argument for you to keep your bike. I would suggest you move some things tonight, but then wait for your clothes and toiletries in the morning. It will look more authentic. I’m sure you understand I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. I would offer our house, but that will look suspicious. Sims is already a little uncomfortable with letting me be here in the morning.” Dean explained.

“No, right, I get it. I don’t want to steal anything. There are a few things though that I bought with my money that I wanted to take with me to England. I will find somewhere to keep them. I will stay here tonight, and then go through the motions in the morning. I will find somewhere to stay until I leave for school. Don’t worry. Thank you for everything. You didn’t have to do this.”

“You are a brave kid Adam. I did have to do this. If someone would have helped me when I was in your position, I would have made better decisions, a lot sooner. Plus, Blue would have never forgiven me for not helping her friends. Are you going to talk to that boy of yours?” Dean asked.

“Ronan, is a priority, but right now I just wanted to get this taken care of. I still have a couple weeks to salvage that mess.” Adam sighed.

Dean nodded, walked over, squeezed Adam’s shoulder, and was out the door.

Adam discovered finding a place to stay was more difficult than he thought it was going to be. Henry, Gansey, and Blue were leaving Saturday on their Cross-America adventure. They had only stayed as long as they had in order to clock in extra time with Noah and Ronan. And Noah was leaving for Northwestern the following Monday. He wanted to get a lay of the land. Blue was the least understanding of the four as Adam explained what happened. She was hurt that he hadn’t trusted her, but more importantly, that he hadn’t trusted Ronan. Henry and Gansey were unfailingly polite about it, and Noah apologized for yelling at him.

He didn’t have enough cash to stay at a hotel, even a shitty one, for two weeks and still have enough to get set up at school. They would most likely repossess his car, so he couldn’t even stay there. He swallowed his pride, boxed up a few things he didn’t want to become federal evidence.

 

***

 

At 11:46 in the evening, Adam knocked on the door, carrying a box of possessions. Declan answered the door in striped pajama bottoms and a grey t-shirt. Judging by the messiness of his hair, he had been sleeping for quite some time.

“Hey Declan, do you think I could stay here until I go to school?” Adam asked, shyly.

Declan nodded, and Adam entered the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Joseph Kavinsky is a morally reprehensible character and I refuse to feel bad about killing him so coldly. Sure, there might have been a time where he wasn't a psychopathic little creep, but he very much was by the time we were introduced.
> 
> Finally gaining some stream. We are in the home stretch - only two or three chapters to go!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this! Feedback and comments are always welcome!


	23. I Don't Want Us To Be A Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam moves in the Lynches. The gang says their goodbyes.

Adam was sitting in his bedroom, calmly, while agents bagged and tagged items. The agent assigned to him was a surprisingly friendly woman in her mid-forties. Adam didn’t catch her name, but she explained everything that was going on to him, and what the process would be moving forward. She explained Adam could take his clothing, his toiletries, and certain items under “X” number of dollars. Since Adam was eighteen, he wasn’t to become a ward of the state, and he would need to find his own accommodations. They were things Mr. Gray had already explained to him, but he played along. He was less freaked out about basically being homeless than he thought he would be. He briefly thought about how terrible Ronan would have been at this game; all the lying and deceit.

“Adam, we’ll need you to come to the field office to answer a few questions.” The friendly female agent explained.

“I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, but I’ll sure try.” Adam responded, mustering up every ounce of his Henrietta accent he could manage.

The questions had been painless. Adam told the truth where he could, and lied where he had to. He had no idea his uncle was involved in anything illegal. Yes, he had noticed a lot of things around the house purchased with cash. No, he had never seen any drugs, guns, or counterfeit art. Yes, he had seen Colin speaking with Mrs. Kavinsky on several occasions. No, he didn’t know why Declan Lynch would have wanted to speak to Colin, it probably had something to do with his breakup with Declan’s younger brother. They were softball questions, the agent just going through the motions. Adam had no real ties to anything Colin was involved in other than working at the gallery. Both of Colin’s part-time employees emphatically testified that Adam had never gone back to the warehouse, he rarely had left the front gallery.

He was finally released around five that afternoon. The rest of his belongings in the back seat of Piper Laumonier’s car. She was the closest thing to a relative he had left.

“Come on kid. I have a date with an investment banker at seven, and I need to get ready.” Piper said, feigning annoyance.

She was already dressed like a fashion model, hair and makeup perfect, clothes expensive. Adam was at a loss as to what she might need almost two hours to accomplish.

“Thanks Piper. I didn’t want anyone else getting sucked into this.” Adam explained why he called her as he put on his seatbelt.

Piper shifted the gear of her garish red sports car and they headed off.

“You going to be OK?” Piper asked, a shocking amount of sincerity lacing her tone.

“I don’t really have a choice. Thanks…you know…for…it was a good thing for you to do.” Adam was at a loss as to what to say.

“Pfft…if it was good, or I was a good person, I would never have left you with that monster. I just wanted to fuck with him. I didn’t know he was going to completely lose his shit on everyone. I don’t know what he was even thinking. My Dad would have never wanted an apprentice like you. He values loyalty and commitment, not reluctant slaves.” Piper explained.

“Still, that watch saved my ass, whether you meant to help me or not, you did.”

“I hope you get far away from here Adam Parrish, and never have cause to return, or whatever.”

“That is the plan.” Adam said, the first time he had felt confident about anything in weeks.

Piper turned to look at her handsome nephew for just a second. She was happy to have done this one good thing with her life. She still wasn’t sure why she had done it; it wasn’t exactly in her nature to do anything selfless. She knew when she gave Adam that watch; it could have very easily backfired on her. She wasn’t even sure if events were going to transpire the way they had. She just had a feeling, and it had paid off for both her and Adam. Colin was now a bad dream for both of them, although she wasn’t entirely comforted that he was out there, somewhere.

“You are staying with the Lynches until you leave.” Statement, not question. It was where they were headed. “Do you have things sorted with Niall’s little doppelganger?”

Adam laughed, it was harsher than he had meant it to be.

“Not even close. He doesn’t even know I am staying there yet. We haven’t exactly talked.”

“You are the best he is ever going to get. You remind him of that.” Piper exclaimed in a strangely sage tone.

 

The pair was quiet for the rest of the ride to Ronan’s house. Piper dropped him off at the bottom of the drive. They said their goodbyes, understanding they most likely would not cross paths again.

Adam made his way up the drive.

 

***

 

“You fucking lied to me.” Ronan dripped venom at Adam in the backyard of the Lynch household.

 

***

 

The conversation had gone about as well as could have been expected. Alex offered to take Matthew and Opal out for dinner while Declan and Adam explained everything to Ronan while sitting around the kitchen table. Ronan was quiet, observant, as Adam explained what Colin had ordered him to do, how he discovered the watch, why he enlisted Declan’s help. Adam once tried to reach for Ronan’s hand, but Ronan quickly snatched it away, and sat for the remainder of the conversation with his hands tucked under his armpits. 

Ronan was silent as the boy he loved, and his older brother tried to convince him as to why lying and betraying him was what was best for him, as if he were a toddler who needed someone else to make decisions for him. He merely stared at the salt and pepper shakers when Declan explained Adam would be taking up residence in the family room until he left for Oxford in a couple of weeks. Adam then asked if they could speak privately, and Ronan spat at Adam that he could go fuck himself, and stormed out to the backyard.

 

***

 

“You lied…to me.” Ronan repeated after Adam remained studiously silent.

“I didn’t have a choice.” Adam pleaded, not quite on the verge of tears, but close given the amount of stress he had endured over the past few weeks.

“You did. And you chose not to trust me.”

Fuck, Adam had been so busy trying to keep Ronan alive, keep everyone safe, he didn’t take into account he hadn’t thought to trust Ronan. He did trust Ronan. He trusted Ronan with his life. He supposed he didn’t trust Ronan with his own life, not quite anyway.

“I’m…I’m sorry. That, that isn’t…wasn’t supposed to be the take away. I was scared. I thought maybe you would…I dunno…do something…try to save me.” Adam offered feebly.

“Fucking right I would have.” Ronan growled.

“And that is why I didn’t tell you. Colin had people following you, following all of us. If you went after him, someone would have gotten seriously hurt. You don’t always think before you act.” Adam tried to explain.

“Fuck you. Since when are you such an expert on me?” Ronan scoffed disdainfully.

That cut Adam, deep. That hurt more than all the ‘fuck yous’ and icy stares had. Ronan implied that Adam didn’t know Ronan as well as Ronan knew Adam. It tore at Adam, these hateful things uttered. Did Ronan mean them? Was he just trying to wound? Was there any right thing for Adam to say?

“You know what. I did make the right call. Look what you did after we fought last time. You ran right to Kavinsky. You went after me with tunnel vision even though you knew things were going to end this month. You never think about the consequences of anything you do. And fine, you can hate me all you want. But I did this for you. What, you don’t think I wasn’t just as miserable as you were?”

Adam was fuming. He wasn’t going to put up with Ronan’s meltdowns for the next two weeks. They were going to have it all out, and they were going to do it by the barbeque pit by the lake.

“What were you miserable about? You knew it was all a lie.”

Adam felt his eyes watering. He did not want to cry while looking at Ronan’s stony glare. He blinked the tears back.

“I was miserable because I knew as soon as I called Declan, that I lost you. I knew you were never going to forgive this, even though I knew it was the best chance at keeping you all safe. You think I don’t know you, but I do. I don’t see what happened the same way you do, but I knew this was how you would see this, as a betrayal, of the worst sort. I know you don’t believe me, but he would have killed you, just like he killed your father.” Adam explained, wiping a few stray tears from his face.

Ronan broke uncomfortably from Adam’s gaze and stared at the ground, he kicked pebbles around the pit. He wanted more than anything to tell Adam he understood, he forgave, he never wanted them to fight again. He wanted to wipe Adam’s tears away and take him in his arms. He wasn’t sure if it was his pride, or his fragile heart, but he couldn’t seem to make himself take the steps toward Adam. He just stared at the ground.

“If me staying here is going to be that big of a problem, Declan said I could use one of his firm’s sweets they keep on reserve for out of town clients.”

Part of Ronan wanted Adam gone and out of his life, but there was enough of him unsure to be unwilling to kick Adam out of his life indefinitely.

“Don’t be fucking stupid Parrish. Matthew and Opal would be unbearable if you just disappeared. I don’t care if you want to sleep on that lumpy ass couch for the next two weeks.” Ronan said, still not making eye contact with Adam.

Adam sighed in relief. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath until Ronan said he could stay.

“Thank you.” Adam replied, not bothering to hide his relief.

“Just…just give me some space. I need you to leave me alone. I don’t want to be around you.” Ronan said, shakily, but with a quiet confidence which led Adam to believe he was serious.

“Well, OK,” was Adam’s reply.

 

***

 

It was uncomfortable for Adam to live off the charity of someone else, especially if it was the charity of his ex-boyfriend’s family. For one thing, it was awful hunkering down in the Lynch family room, the place where he and Ronan had shared their first a lot of things; hand holding, kissing, whispering, arm grazing. He couldn’t relax on the lumpy sofa. Matthew offered his room, sensing Adam’s discomfort with the sleeping arrangements, but then Adam would have been right next to Ronan, and they would have had to share a bathroom.

It had been three days since they had spoken to one another. Ronan wasn’t exactly hostile, but he would leave a room as soon as Adam entered it. Adam took to eating his meals in his makeshift bedroom, even though Declan was annoyed by this because all the sudden Opal wanted to eat in her room. They couldn’t avoid their current situation though. 

It was Friday night. Gansey, Henry, and Blue were leaving for their road trip in the morning. There cartons upon cartons of Chinese takeout spread throughout the kitchen. Declan was whispering something to Alex which made her pretty face flush while they huddled in the kitchen. Ben and Matthew were playing basketball out back. Opal was downstairs watching a movie with Chainsaw. Henry, Noah, Blue, and Gansey were being used as buffers as Ronan and Adam sat as far away from one another as possible while technically being in the same room. Gansey was regaling a story about some dead Welsh king in order to break the tension, which somehow made things worse.

“Jesus Gansey, save something for the road.” Ronan smirked at Blue.

Blue rolled her eyes, and took Gansey’s hand.

“Don’t be a dick.” Blue looked pointedly at Ronan.

Ronan had the decency to look chastised, Adam had to suppress a smirk.

“We could play a game?” Henry offered.

“I am about Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dared out.” Noah exclaimed, not unkindly.

“Especially since neither of those games are fun without booze.” Ronan explained, looking forlorn at his cup of watery Coke.

Declan was being all “Dad” like about letting minors drink in the house. Ronan thought with some joy that once he was in Europe he would no longer have to worry about being a minor. Ronan didn’t have to be there until January, but Declan said he would release some of Ronan’s trust if he wanted to go early. He hadn’t decided if he was going to tell Adam just yet if he was going to Europe yet or not. He didn’t want to come off all stalkery. 

“We could play Trivial Pursuit.” Gansey offered.

Everyone except for Adam groaned at this suggestion. Gansey and Adam were walking encyclopedias of nerdom. No one stood a chance against those two.

“Monopoly?” Noah suggested.

Everyone except for Adam collectively stared at Blue. Adam had never had the displeasure. For a budding little Socialist, Blue was quite the cutthroat when it came to pretend Capitalism.

“Twister?” Henry suggested with an eyebrow raised.

Ronan and Adam looked at one another uncomfortably, and looked away again. Blue caught the look and frowned.

“How about Pictionary?” Blue threw an idea out.

“Yes, and we can all fight over who gets to be on Ronan’s team.” Gansey mused.

Blue scowled. They couldn’t draw names in case Ronan and Adam got stuck together. This was the most uncomfortable they had been all summer. This was far worse that when she and Gansey broke up. Everyone kind of knew they would work things out. It didn’t look like that would be the case with Ronan and Adam. They weren’t yelling or picking at one another, and that somehow seemed worse than the morose looks on both boy’s faces.

“You know, I got a lot to do tomorrow. I’m just gonna put the food away, and hit the hay.” Adam stated as he stood up and stretched, lifting his arms up in the air.

Ronan witnessed a small swath of skin on Adam’s hip. He had kissed that patch of skin less than a month ago. He wanted to hit something.

“I’ll help.” Blue offered as she got up to follow Adam into the kitchen.

They worked quietly, getting Tupperware out to put leftovers in. Declan nearly fell over that he wouldn’t be the one cleaning this mess up. He kind of wished he could adopt Adam. He had a feeling Adam would do this sort of thing even if he wasn’t simply avoiding Ronan. 

Blue followed Adam out to the back where the garbage cans were. She waited to see if Adam would say something. He just pointedly looked at the ground.

“You need to try harder.” Blue suggested.

“What does that even mean?” Adam asked, exasperated.

“I mean he doesn’t know how you feel. You need to try harder to make sure he knows you love him.” Blue explained, annoyed Adam couldn’t simply read her mind the way Ronan and Gansey could.

“I fucked up. I don’t think it matters how I feel. I don’t think he is ever going to trust me again.” Adam sighed.

“You did fuck up. You didn’t trust him. You nearly ruined him. I get why you did what you did, and I understand why you think that was the best thing. I’m not going to hold a grudge over it. I don’t think Ronan wants to either. He loves you so much, it’s kind of gross to watch the two of you. You need to give him a reason, a real reason that this won’t all fall apart on him. Because I swear to fucking God if you hurt him again, I will rip your balls off.” Blue glared at Adam.

Jesus, who knew a five foot pixie could be so scary? Adam knew she was serious with her use of the “F” bomb.

“I promise Blue. I will try to make things right. Thank you, for still being my friend. I appreciate it. Ronan is lucky to have had you for all these years.” Adam offered sincerely.

“Pfshaw, stop it. It’s not like we will never see another again. Plus, I’ve heard this email thing is catching on. There are holidays and summers. This isn’t goodbye Adam, it’s just a ‘see ya later.’”

Blue then hugged Adam tightly, and he hugged her back.

 

***

 

Ronan drove Noah to the airport on Monday, he was the last to go, and Ronan would be stuck with Adam for another week and a half. He sighed at the thought. He caught himself staring at Adam. It was like when they were in high school. So close, yet so far away. It wasn’t fair. 

Adam was almost more beautiful in his melancholia. Adam would lay on the living room couch, shirt only half buttoned up, swim trunk riding up his thigh, as he read one of his Russian monsters, for fun. They had nearly run into one another as Adam got out of the shower yesterday morning. The knob was broken in the downstairs shower, and Adam had used Ronan and Matthew’s. Adam nearly dropped is towel in his surprise, and Ronan was fairly certain he would have dropped to his knees and begged Adam for anything if that towel would have fallen. Adam with his stupid, shiny, honey colored hair, that he kept running his fingers through, with his beautiful, large knuckled hands. Adam, always chewing on his bottom lip, or a pen cap, or his fingernails. Ronan suspected Adam had a bit of an oral fixation, which did not help matters.

Ronan couldn’t get rid of Adam. He was everywhere, literally. And he had a sneaking suspicion it was what Declan wanted. The only thing Declan wanted more than for Ronan to move out of his house, was for Ronan to being happy, and to be taken care of. Declan apparently thought Adam fit the bill on both accounts. It wasn’t as if Ronan didn’t want to forgive Adam. He did. He just wasn’t sure if he could trust him again. He wondered if they really knew one another at all. Or, maybe they knew each other a little too well, and that was why Adam had kept him in the dark.

“Hey there. School’s out, no reason to think so hard.” Noah joked as they pulled into the parking ramp at the airport.

“I have important ponderings to contemplate.” Ronan scoffed, and then gave Noah a wicked grin.

“If you are thinking about being naked with Adam again, you should totally do that.” Noah smiled wickedly back.

“Fuck. I am so fucked.” Ronan said, beating his head against the head rest after he parked.

“Dude listen, I know Blue is your best bro, but you are mine. Yeah, maybe Adam messed up, but he cares about you so much. Even if you guys don’t get back together, at least make peace with him before you go. That guy has nothing left, other than us. Don’t make me, or Blue, or Gansey, or Henry choose between you guys. I like Adam, I think he’s good for you, I think he’s good for all of us.” Noah explained in an uncharacteristically coherent and considerate tone.

“I get it, OK. I know. I just don’t know what to say to him. Maybe I am being a petty asshole, but I want him to come to me.” Ronan grumbled.

Noah laughed.

“You are an asshole. It sounds like Adam did try that, and you didn’t like what he had to say, or you didn’t let him finish saying it.”

“Well, you would think he would be more tenacious, given his huge achievement hardon over every other aspect of his life.” Ronan complained.

“God, I don’t know what I ever saw in you.” Noah punched Ronan’s arm playfully.

“I think you dodged a bullet there.” Ronan said sincerely. “You and Henry work. You and me, left to our own devices would have blown through our trust funds before we turned twenty-five…it would have been fun…but then what to do with the next fifty years.” 

“Fuck, you totally sound like an adult, thinking about his future. See, Adam is perfect for you. And Henry is perfect for my slacker ass. That guy got me into fucking Northwestern. I’m thinking about, like, my life. I’m glad you are doing the same. Even if it isn’t with Adam, I think you are going to be OK.” Noah said softly, as he placed a hand on Ronan’s shoulder.

“Jesus, Czerny. Stop being a sap, let’s get you to the Midwest. I heard people are super tolerant there.” Ronan laughed as he got out of the car.

“It’s college…it’s college in the Chicagoland area. It’s not really the Midwest. I think I’ll be OK.” Noah chuckled.

Ronan helped Noah get his bags out of the trunk. As he and Noah walked into the airport, Ronan was starting to think they might all be OK, regardless of life not turning out how they hoped. In despite of Noah’s parents showing their disappointment regarding his orientation, they said they would try to adjust, and they still loved him and wanted him to be happy. In despite of losing his spot at Princeton, Gansey was joyfully riding around the country with his girlfriend and Henry. In despite of losing Adam, Ronan still had a future to walk towards. His gut clenched, and his heart seized at the thought of not being with Adam ever again, but maybe it was better this way. He didn’t want to just follow Adam anymore. He wanted things for himself.

He still really wanted Adam too though.

 

***

 

The next morning at breakfast, Ronan slid the orange juice to Adam at breakfast, and let Adam know what he would be up to that day. It was mindless small talk, but it was something. Adam’s palms were sweaty as he resisted the urge to take Ronan’s hand. He resisted. Just because Ronan was being distantly polite, didn’t mean he was willing to let water flow under the bridge. Adam tried to say as little as possible, worried he would say something to upset Ronan. When they had been dating, Adam didn’t really care about pissing Ronan off, it was a game the two of them played. They were honest with one another, even when it hurt, almost to a fault. Honestly. The reason Adam was not able to take Ronan’s hand. When Ronan finished his cereal, he disappeared to wherever it was Ronan disappeared to during the day.

Adam stood there, doing the dishes, trying to figure out what to say, how to make things right. He didn’t want to have polite conversations with Ronan regarding preferences in breakfast cereals. He didn’t want to exchange niceties about the weather, or the score of a sports game neither of them cared about. He was wanted to be able to fight with Ronan knowing it would end in heated kisses. He wanted to bare himself to Ronan. Yes, he could do all of this without Ronan, but he didn’t want to.

His brain toiled and struggled all day, attempting to think of some way for Ronan to forgive him. He came up with bizarre, multi-step plans, that were unfairly complicated, in order to woo Ronan back. He used his Adam brain in very Adam like ways. He was analytical, estimating odds of success for various gestures. It took him until after seven that evening to finally figure out what he needed to do.

He was such an idiot, it was right there in front of him.

 

***

 

Adam pulled up in front of the gym Ronan taught his self-defense class at, driving Declan’s minivan. Declan had laughed wholeheartedly when Adam asked to borrow Declan’s Mercedes, not knowing about the minivan’s shameful existence. Declan insisted it only existed to take the kid’s friends to various activities. Adam didn’t really care about the how or why of the van’s existence, just that it would get Adam to where he needed to go.

Adam walked into the gym as Ronan was finishing up class. He waited until Ronan said his farewells, it was apparently his last class. Adam waited until he caught Ronan’s eye. Ronan looked skeptical, but made his way to Adam, his eye contact never wavering.

“Parrish.” Ronan said, stiffly.

“Can we talk?” Adam asked, hopefully.

“I don’t know if I am ready for that.” Ronan replied truthfully.

“Please.” 

Ronan struggled with his own emotions. He didn’t know what had possessed Adam to come here, presumably in that atrocity Declan referred to as a minivan. Normally he didn’t care about making a scene, arguing in public, but he didn’t know if he wanted to have this conversation here. Although, maybe this was better, less chance he would get pathetic and weepy.

“What do you want?” Ronan asked, tone clipped.

“I’m sorry.” Adam began.

Ronan cut him off.

“What do YOU want?” Ronan tried again.

Adam sighed. Right, the hard and humiliating way.

“I never had anyone love me before.” Adam tried again, voice quiet, not quite meeting Ronan’s heavy gaze. “I don’t think I loved my parents, they never taught, or showed me how to love. I never had extended family to show me any affection. I never really even ever had friends. I mean, even Gansey wasn’t really much more than an acquaintance until this summer. I didn’t understand. I didn’t get any of it. What was love, what did it mean? It wasn’t until Colin threatened you, that I thought I understood. I knew in that moment, that I loved you. I would have done anything to prevent you from being hurt….”

Adam wiped his eyes, he had just realized he was crying. Ronan looked concerned, and took a step forward. Adam waved him away.

“No, I need to say this. I love you, so much. You hating me forever would have been worth it for you to stay alive. I didn’t realize the why you would hate me until recently, I just knew you would. I knew you would hate that I lied to you. I’m sorry….sorry…I didn’t trust you. I didn’t trust me. We are fucking kids, this isn’t an episode of Scooby Doo. There were real consequences. I was scared, don’t you understand that. If something would have happened to you….I would have died if something would have happened to you...”

This time Ronan didn’t let Adam push him off, or away. He wrapped his arms around Adam and pressed his face into Adam’s neck. They held one another for a few minutes, not aware they had an audience of fifteen staring at them.

“Say it again.” Ronan murmured into Adam’s neck.

“I love you.” Adam murmured back.

Ronan pulled back a little and captured Adam’s lips with his own. It was a soft and quiet kiss, there was no urgency to it. Ronan’s could taste the salt of Adam’s tears, his own mixed in. Ronan tried to pull back a little, but Adam just clung tighter. Ronan ran his hands up Adam’s back, underneath his shirt. Adam moved his hands from Ronan’s chest, to wrap tightly around Ronan’s neck. They finally broke apart, to find a room full of women in workout gear staring at them. A few looked a little teary eyed. One woman said ‘Awe’ like she had just witnessed a kitten yawn.

Ronan was instantly a shade of red only this kind of humiliation could achieve. Adam moved to hide behind Ronan, he pressed his face to Ronan’s back.

“OK, show’s over.” Ronan waved the remaining women out of the gym so he could lock up.

Once the last of the women left, he turned to Adam.

“Adam, I love you too. I get it, I understand. I can’t pretend to know what you went through. I’m just not used to…this…being…vulnerable.” Ronan mumbled the last part.

Adam took Ronan’s hand.

“I’m not used to it either. This is terrifying. I mean it’s only been a couple weeks, and we are both a mess. I don’t want us to be a mess. I don’t want to lose you. I want to do all of this with you. I can defer a year, if you want. We can make this work.” Adam said as he looked into Ronan’s blue blue eyes.

Ronan laughed a little and squeezed Adam’s hand.

“What if I told you I got into an art school literally less than a half hour from Oxford?” 

Adam looked, surprised, amazed, aghast. It was a face Ronan had never seen before, he wasn’t sure if it was a good face, or a bad one.

“You…asshole.” Adam laughed, happily, as he tried to swallow more tears. “Why? When? How?”

“Declan and Blue’s aunt, Calla, applied on my behalf last Spring. And then I did the interview, and I received the acceptance last week. I made all of these decisions by myself…for myself. I want to contribute to this, to us.” Ronan explained earnestly.

“Are we no longer broken up?” Adam asked hopefully.

“I don’t generally kiss boys who aren’t my boyfriend.” Ronan said as he pulled Adam in for another kiss.

Adam kissed Ronan greedily this time, not holding back, and then he whispered in Ronan’s ear.

“You stink Lynch. You need to take a shower.” 

Ronan hummed in consensus with Adam’s statement.

“Do you want to join me?” Ronan asked, eyebrow raised.

This time Adam did not refuse.

 

***

 

They were laying in Ronan’s bed two days after their reconciliation, Ronan the little spoon, as was his preference. Adam’s too, as it offered him ample time to stare at Ronan’s tattoo, and to place soft kisses on the beautiful flowers and birds pressed in dark ink, and to avoid the thorns and ugly, hard, things etched in black ink. Declan had only agreed to let Adam sleep in Ronan’s room after he reminded Ronan no less than a dozen times the walls were not terribly thick, and Ronan had Matthew on one side, and Opal across the hall. The two boys settled for slow lazy kisses, and the chance to be languid, and soft, with one another.

“Do you think he suffered much?” Adam asked Ronan as he traced a pattern of vines along Ronan’s back.

Colin’s body had been found on a beach the morning before. They had already ruled it a suicide by drowning. Laumonier had likely paid someone off to expedite the process. Ronan scoffed at Adam’s question.

“Do you care?”

“I shouldn’t. But I do. I don’t have any family left. All my grandparents are dead. I’ve got no siblings, cousins, aunts, or uncles. I’ve been thinking, I want to see my Dad before we go. I don’t expect you to understand. But…I need to do this.” Adam said softly as he kissed the back of Ronan’s neck.

Ronan shivered at the touch.

“OK. We’ll make a pit stop in Virginia before crossing the Atlantic.” Ronan said simply as he picked up Adam’s right hand to kiss the knuckles.

“You are the best boyfriend I have ever had.” Adam laughed into Ronan’s neck.

“Likewise.” Ronan laughed happily in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters! I think this might even come in at under 75K.
> 
> I wonder if I am wrapping this up too quickly because I am kind of iffy on how this has turned out, or if it's keeping pace with the rest of the story? That's what I was trying to work on with this effort, hence giving myself a word limit, but this feels I dunno, rushed somehow.
> 
> Ronan and Adam are kissing again, so I guess that is what is important.
> 
> Thank you for the feedback, it is really appreciated...not so much to feed my ego...there isn't much of one to start with, but because it helps me kind of gauge what I am doing right and wrong. I have never done this kind of writing before, so this has been an interesting learning process.


	24. I'll Go Wherever You Want Me Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan doesn't like trains. Robert is still a dick.

“Get off me.” Ronan complained, as he pushed his older brother away from him.

He thought he had reached his hug quota for the next century. They were standing in Declan’s driveway, waiting for Ronan and Adam’s taxi to take them to the train station. Adam was putting off getting onto a plane for as long as possible, even though it would take them a lot less time to go by plane. Adam had to be in London in ten days for his orientation, and Ronan was going to tag along to look at apartments. He was willing to give college a chance, but there was no way in hell he was going to live in a dorm, with a stranger. He had offered to get a two bedroom if Adam wanted to stay with him, but Adam had decided he did want the full college experience. That and he wanted to enjoy just dating Ronan. He wasn’t ready for them to live together, they had a lot of things to work out first, like most people in normal, in functioning relationships do.

“Do you have everything?” Declan asked, worried.

“Yes, Mom.” Ronan rolled his eyes. “I’m not even going to be gone for three weeks. And then I already said even if I move before the Spring semester I would come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas, will you chill the fuck out.” 

“Don’t be a dick.” Adam chided, as Blue had not been there to inform Ronan he was being an asshole.

“Are you coming back too Adam?” Opal asked, as she held Chainsaw to her like a doll, much to the dog’s dismay.

“Well Opal, I probably won’t be able to swing Thanksgiving, but definitely Christmas.” Adam explained.

“Adam, take care of him, OK…I mean take care of each other.” Declan commanded as he shook Adam’s hand firmly.

“Come on Declan, hasn’t this been your dream, to get rid of this guy?” Adam laughed as he nodded toward Ronan who was listening to Matthew animatedly tell a story with rapt attention.

“It’s just. He isn’t as tough as he seems.” Declan whispered worriedly.

“I think Ronan is going to be OK. I don’t plan on hurting him ever again, not like that.” Adam said sincerely.

He glanced over to see Ronan giving him an odd look, as if he was trying to confirm Adam was OK with just his eyes. Adam nodded he was fine, so Ronan leaned down to hug Opal.

“Fuck, I know. That…what happened, it wasn’t your fault. You did the right thing. It’s just Ronan, is difficult sometimes. And he will push you away when he’s vulnerable. And he isn’t good about communicating his feelings….” Declan trailed off.

“You are a good brother, I hope you know that. And I think Ronan knows that, even if he won’t ever admit it to your face.” Adam smirked.

“Well, you take care of yourself too. You’ll be back for Christmas, yeah?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure if I don’t, Ronan would fly the five thousand miles just to drag me back.” Adam smiled.

Adam hugged Opal, then Matthew, and took Ronan’s hand as their taxi pulled up to the drive. He couldn’t believe he was going somewhere new, and he was leaving behind people who would actually miss him. He had never had a family before, not a real one, but Ronan’s family felt very real to him.

 

***

 

“I must really love you.” Ronan grumbled as he collapsed on the bed in their small compartment on the train headed towards Virginia.

It had been discovered that for all of Ronan’s reckless driving, he was prone to motion sickness. He had spent the better part of the first two days of their four day trip in the bathroom, vomiting. He was embarrassed the first couple times, but he no longer cared. He felt clammy and gross, and was too weak to do much of anything.

Adam felt terrible for Ronan. If he hadn’t been so scared to fly, they would have only had to suffer a seven hour plane ride, and they could have stayed home longer. But, as bad as he felt about everything, he was at least a little happy to be able to take care of Ronan while their train glided across the United States.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Ronan accused as Adam handed him a mug of soup on the third day of their trip.

“I don’t enjoy you are sick, but it is nice taking care of you.” Adam admitted as he pulled Ronan to him so Ronan was leaning against his chest as Adam was pressed against the wall on the mattress in their cabin.

“Yeah, well I guess I kind of like you taking care of me. I was hoping to defile you in every state we passed through, but this is OK too.” Ronan confessed as he took a tentative sip of the broth, and winced as he felt his stomach begin to churn.

“What do you want to do while we are in Virginia?” Adam asked as he rubbed the soft fuzz on Ronan’s head.

“We are only there for three days, and I think seeing your Dad is going to take up a good chunk of that time. Why do you want to go anyway?”

“I guess I just need to know. Was it the booze, or is he just an asshole? I haven’t seen him since he was arrested. No phone call, no cards, no letters. I want to see for myself. I want to put this behind me.” Adam explained.

Ronan grunted in acknowledgement, set the mug on the table, turned to his side, and pressed his lips softly to Adam’s neck before settling with his head on Adam’s chest, arm draped around his waist. Ronan thought he understood.

“I think I get it. I sometimes I wish I could have that with my Dad. I mean he wasn’t bad, like yours, but he wasn’t exactly a good person. I wish I could ask him if it was all worth it. The constant moving, the illegal activity, putting his family in danger.”

“At least he loved you.” Adam supplied simply.

“How do you know that?” Ronan responded suspiciously.

“Because you are bathed in it…” Adam began but trailed off when Ronan leaned back to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “I know it’s cheesy. But it’s true. You, Declan, and Matthew love each other so much, and y’all talk about your parents with such affection, even though your Dad wasn’t the best role model. If you hadn’t been loved they way you were, you wouldn’t be you, you’d be…like me.” 

“Adam, there is nothing wrong with how you are. Just because it took you a little longer to get there, doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of love. You love me, right?” Ronan asked as he took Adam’s hand, and gently kissed the knuckles.

“Of course I do. I guess I am just nervous about seeing my Dad again, it’s bringing up all of these feelings I don’t want to deal with. I worry I’ll end up like him sometimes.”

“Never. I have never met the man, but I can make a fairly accurate assumption that you are nothing like him.”

“Will you go in with me?” 

Adam looked so open, vulnerable, as he said this. Ronan was filled with fury by the thought of Robert ever being allowed near his only son again, and anguish that Robert still had so much control over Adam’s emotions and actions. Ronan suspected how this reunion was going to go, and he had no intention of letting Adam go this alone.

“I’ll go wherever you want me to.” Ronan replied, squeezing Adam.

He then felt nauseous again, and sprinted to lean over the toilet again.

 

***

 

The prison looked like every prison Ronan had seen in movies, but not. There was no overcast sky, it wasn’t raining, the receptionist at the visiting office was a warm, bubbly, woman in her late fifties who explained all the rules to Adam and Ronan with a smile. They took a seat on bright orange plastic chairs while they waited. It was explained that Robert didn’t expressly have visiting privileges due to a recent incident, but under the circumstances, Adam and Ronan would be able to see Robert in one of the holding rooms, where he would have his arms and legs restrained. This visibly relieved both Ronan and Adam.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Adam said suddenly, got up, and walked away from Ronan.

Ronan didn’t have a chance to really say anything as he was led to an overly bright room where who he assumed Robert Parrish was restrained to the table. Ronan was a little shocked by the superficial similarities between Robert and Adam. Same, sunken, slate blue eyes, same thin mouth, same dirty blond hair. That was where the similarities ended. Robert looked to be at least three or four inches shorter than Adam from what Ronan could guess from how Robert was sitting. He looked meaner, more tired, uglier than Ronan had ever seen Adam. He was also at least thirty, maybe forty, pounds overweight, and it all seemed to be in his protruding stomach. Ronan smirked, knowing it was terrible he took joy in this.

He slid in the chair opposite of Robert, where they sat for almost a minute in silence, waiting for Adam to join them.

“Where’s the boy?” Robert asked gruffly, not making eye contact with Ronan.

“He said he was going to the bathroom. We had a long taxi ride this morning. We actually had a long journey. All the way from Seattle, on a train, where I proceeded to puke my guts out for the better part of a week. Then, after getting to D.C., we realized we weren’t old enough to rent a car, so we had to take a three hour taxi ride this morning to get to this shithole. I didn’t want to come at all, but he thought this was important, he said that if he was going somewhere new, it was important to deal with family stuff first, and that if you didn’t…well…he should be here soon.”

Ronan hated that he was babbling again. He hadn’t done this in months, gone off on a silly, nonsensical diatribe because he was incapable of keeping his mouth shut. He then realized it was because of Adam. Since that first kiss, Adam had made him quiet, he had calmed him in a way no one else had.

“I heard he got some kind of scholarship for some fancy school in England.” Robert gritted out as he picked at his fingernails.

“Yeah, he did. It’s a big deal, only three prizes are awarded every year in all the United States. It’s a big accomplishment.” Ronan said proudly.

“You going with him?” And this time Robert did look at Ronan, like he had just figured something out. His smile was nasty.

“Well…” Ronan wasn’t sure how much to say. He wasn’t sure if Adam had any intention of telling his father he had a boyfriend.

“Well boy, are you?”

Ronan glared at Robert. He wanted to spit something nasty and hateful at the man, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. At least not while Adam was still gone.

“Am I going with Adam? Am I going to England?” Ronan mused. “I thought about it a lot. Just going to be there with him, for him. I didn’t want him to be there by himself. But then I thought, I should just let him go, and we’ll see each other again down the road.”

“You should get things on your own merit, not glom off my son.”

Ronan gritted his teeth at how Robert said ‘my son’ as if he had anything to do with how Adam turned out.

“I know.”

“He’s really something then?”

“He is.” Ronan said confidently.

“Are you two…is he….” Robert trailed off just as Adam entered the room.

Adam slid easily into the seat next to Ronan, and took Ronan’s hand. Ronan noticed Adam’s eyes were a little red and watering, possibly from crying. Robert sneered, but then he looked a little pleased.

“I told your momma about you. I knew it. I knew you would end up being a sissy, got yourself a rich boyfriend to take care of you, did you?” 

“Yes, Ronan is my boyfriend. And I am taking care of myself.” Adam said calmly.

On the inside he was panicking. The old terror clawed at his stomach, his mouth felt thick, as if he would have problems speaking. There was a phantom ring in his left ear. He could feel he was sweating. He closed his eyes, counted back from ten in his head, and tried to control his breathing. He felt Ronan squeeze his hand. Adam opened his eyes, and saw Roberts hands in handcuffs, firmly bolted to the table.

“Huh, you just come here to rub it in my face that despite my best efforts, you ended up being a cock sucker after all?”

“Ronan doesn’t have anything to do with this. I am here to talk to you. My relationship doesn’t have anything to do with that. Ronan is just trying to be supportive.”

“Tailing you to England then?”

“He is going with me, but he got into a very good art school. He did that on his own. We are in a loving, healthy relationship. I don’t pretend to think you know anything about that.” Adam replied coldly.

“There is nothing healthy about being a homosexual.” Robert spat, stretching ‘homosexual’ out to about three extra syllables.

“Again, that’s not why I am here.” Adam said, annoyed. He slid his hand away from Ronan, as it seemed to be distracting his father.

“I just wanted to see if you regretted what you did, if maybe in the future we could have some kind of relationship. You’re the last blood kin I have left. I just want to see if there was anything worth salvaging.” Adam explained.

Robert looked thoughtful for a moment, and if he was trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. Adam sat there patiently, waiting. Ronan said there silent, as he chewed on his wrist bands.

“I’m sorry I killed your momma. Sorry I have spent the last eight years in this shithole. Sorry that you weren’t the one home instead. I never wanted kids, I never wanted to marry. I thought if I married your rich mother, I’d at least get a pay day out of it, instead she got cut off and I got saddled with a wife and kid I didn’t want. I begged her to get rid of you, but she wouldn’t. She convinced herself that you would bring us all together. You want to know if it was just me and the drink, why I hit you? What do you think caused me to drink boy? Your sniveling, whining existence….”

Robert was cut off by Ronan leaping at him from the other side of the table. Fortunately, Adam place a hand on Ronan’s chest, and eased Ronan back into his chair. Adam sat down as well, and nodded, as if he hadn’t expected Robert to say anything differently.

“At least I know now, for sure. I’m sorry your life didn’t turn out how you wanted. And I hope you spend the next ten to fifteen years figuring out what will make you happy. I have, and it makes life a lot more worth living.” Adam said evenly as he stared at his father, without any lingering trace of fear.

Adam felt the fear evaporate as Robert had complained about his miserable life. There was nothing wrong with Adam, there was something deeply wrong with Robert. Robert was a man destined for unhappiness, and Adam was relieved to not have to be part of the misery.

“You disgust me. I can’t believe we share the same blood.” Robert spat.

“Neither can I, you piece of shit.” Ronan said angrily and stood up.

He grabbed Adam’s hand and forced his boyfriend to stand with him. He no longer wanted to be here. He had never wanted to be here, even if he now understood Adam’s reason for it. Then, just to be an asshole, Ronan held Adam’s face in his hands and kissed him, deeply. It was a fairly chaste kiss, but Ronan felt it sent the appropriate message to Robert Parrish; he had no control over Adam, or Adam’s actions, not anymore.

They left Robert slack-jawed in the holding room, Adam hadn’t bothered to even say goodbye. They held hands as they walked through the prison and out into the parking lot, ignored a few looks of disgust floated toward their way. The bubbly receptionist just smiled at the two boys and wished them luck. At some point in-between checking in to visit Robert, and leaving Robert to his misery, Adam and Ronan decided they were going to tell the truth to the world. 

They loved one another, and they didn’t care who knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I briefly toyed with idea of making Robert sympathetic, like he felt some kind of remorse, but then though, 'nah' - fuck that guy.


	25. Ding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically the epilogue

**Two Years Later**

 

Adam had a death-grip on Ronan’s hand. Ronan felt like he was going to lose circulation. He sat silent though as Adam panicked over an unfamiliar sound.

“Wing adjustment.” Ronan explained.

For the past two years, Adam had doped himself up with any prescription drug he could get his hands on to get through the cross-Atlantic flights. He couldn’t even bring himself to get on the plane last Christmas, so Declan’s family had come to them in England. Declan admitted Christmas did seem more Christmassy in England than it did in D.C. where he had recently relocated. Adam was usually passed out on Ronan’s shoulder by this point, and would fairly steadily sleep for most of the flight. He would then take another pill for the remainder. Ronan knew the fear was severe as Adam generally didn’t even take Tylenol for headaches. Adam wanted to feel all of this now as he and Ronan made their way to spend August in Washington before Adam’s junior year started.

Adam squeezed his eyes shut just as the plane took off and tried to control his breathing.

“It’s like a big rollercoaster. Everybody likes rollercoasters, right? Blink twice if you are OK.” Ronan asked gently.

Adam, in fact, hated rollercoasters. But he blinked twice.

“I’m fine.” Adam muttered.

“OK, good, that is very noble.”

Ronan smiled at Adam, at his sacrifice to make sure he was lucid enough to share the news with their family. Ronan understood the gesture was mostly symbolic at this point, but he didn’t want to let that get in the way. He wanted to enjoy this as any couple would do. He did the big romantic gesture, he got down on one knee, and when Adam said ‘yes’, Ronan thought his heart would explode from joy. They were on their way to tell his family that he and Adam were engaged. He wasn’t as active in gay rights as Adam was, but he knew at the very least several states were considering allowing civil unions to be legally recognized. It wasn’t the same, but it was a place to start. They had talked, and decided they would move to whatever state made it legal first, after they were done with school.

There was another noise, and the plane shook a little bit. Adam yelped quietly, and held Ronan’s hand tighter.

“Very standard for a seven forty-seven.” Ronan explained comfortingly.

“Okay.” Adam replied as he tried to even out his breath. “You think Declan is going to give us a lecture?”

“Fuck him. He and Alex ran off and eloped in Reno last year, and didn’t tell anyone. We’ve been together for over two years now, and it will be another two before we actually get married.”

“You know, we are awfully young.” Adam smirked.

That was the lecture Declan gave every time Adam and Ronan discussed doing anything even remotely adult like. When they moved in together at the end of their spring semesters, Declan thought they were too young – even though he had been married by that point in his life. When Adam and Ronan idly discussed buying a car over Christmas break, Declan said they were too young to make such a big purchase together. When they decided to use one another as emergency contacts, Declan wasn’t sure if they were mature enough for such a responsibility. Ronan and Adam thought that last one just made sense because they lived in the same country. Declan usually meant well, but he often came off like an asshole.

“Whatever. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you on that train ride to see your Dad.” Ronan said dismissively.

“Not before?” Adam asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean I knew I loved you before that, but you brought me soup and tea when I was sick, and helped me get dressed when I was too weak to raise my arms. You never got annoyed with me for ruining our trip. I guess that was when I really started to think that this was real, that this was what I wanted my future to be.” 

“Stop it. It’s bad enough I feel like I am going to pass out from anxiety, now I am going to cry on top of that.” Adam said jokingly, but Ronan could see Adam’s eyes watering up.

“You cry over everything.” Ronan joked.

“So do you.” Adam mock accused.

“So I do Parrish, so I do.” 

The plane made another noise and movement Adam didn’t care for.

“Alright, high level air safety tips. If anything happens, it’ll usually be in the first five minutes of the flight, right?” Ronan explained, as he tried to calm Adam down.

“Okay.” Adam replied, as he continued to try to get his breathing under control.

“So when you hear the seatbelt sign ‘ding,’ you know everything is going to be okay.”

“That is good to know.” 

“Right, I’m just going to keep talking until that ding happens, which will be very soon.” 

“Okay.” Adam said again, slightly less nervously.

“Alright, personalized flight care. Books, CD’s, magazines, anything?”

Adam was fairly confident he would vomit if he tried reading anything right then. He just wanted to continue to listen to Ronan’s voice. That seemed to be helping. Ronan was a volcano of emotions, but it was times like this, when he effortlessly kept his cool, while Adam edged toward a meltdown, where Adam felt so confident for this tall man sitting next to him. Ronan no longer looked like a man-child. He had reluctantly shot up another two inches the first year of college, and it was mostly in his legs. He had let his hair grow out, and had five days worth of stubble on his face. Any doubts Adam may have ever had about his sexuality disappeared when he thought about Ronan’s stubble rubbing anywhere over his body. Adam laughed a little, he shouldn’t be thinking about sex with Ronan while in the middle of his anxiety attack.

But he supposed if he was thinking about it, maybe the worst had passed.

“What you are you laughing and grinning like an idiot about?” Ronan asked.

“I was just thinking about you growing a beard.” Adam replied coyly.

Ronan’s quirked his lips, revealing a smile, which caused Adam’s heart to beat erratically, and heavy want to pool in his stomach. Adam leaned over and kissed Ronan quickly, but not before he glided his tongue over Ronan’s bottom lip.

Ronan pulled back breathlessly, he never got tired of kissing Adam. He couldn’t believe this handsome, intelligent, funny man wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He still couldn’t get over how much more ‘adult’ Adam looked. He had gained muscle mass, and his features seemed stronger. He had grown his hair out again, but Ronan was pretty certain that was done for his benefit, not Adam’s.

The old woman in sitting in the aisle seat opposite, gave them a dirty look. Ronan stared at her after the kiss was broken until her face turned red, and she went back to her book.

“How’s it going?” Ronan said, his eyes a little hooded from the kiss, his voice lower, raspier.

“I’m still just thinking about how impossible this all seemed two years, OK. And how this almost didn’t happen, but then it did, even when it felt like it wouldn’t.” Adam smiled while he babbled.

“You just described every great success story. I think it’s going to be OK.” Ronan smiled.

“I know it will be.” Adam responded as he took Ronan’s hand once again, he played with Ronan’s fingertips.

They both looked back up at the ‘seat-belt’ sign.

“Where is the ding?” Adam asked nervously.

Ronan brought Adam’s hand up to him and kissed his knuckles as if to say, ‘it’s alright’ and ‘I love you.’

“It’s coming…any second now…any second now.”

The ‘seat-belt’ light finally dinged and went off. Adam let out a sigh of relief.

 

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came in under 75K - Whoo!!!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this story, I definitely went back and forth regarding my feeling about it. I think it's better that my first story, structure wise. It feels a little more even I think. I still think I am more emotionally invested in D&C though. Maybe it's like your first love...I dunno. I'm working on two additional pieces right now, but I think I am going to take my time with them, let them work themselves out before posting. I feel like I rushed a little with this one.
> 
> One of the things that bothered me about Say Anything is that Lloyd's whole world evolved around Diane, and I had a problem with that. Being in love is great, but you need to be your own person. I'm sorry if it felt like I was beating that particular dead horse a little too much.
> 
> I really want to get to a point where Ronan is more canon, like he expresses himself through actions instead of words. I think I am more successful in doing that with what I am working on now.
> 
> I really appreciated everyone who took the time to continually comment and posts regarding this story. There were parts I loved, parts I hated, and parts I was unsure about. I almost gave up on it more than once, but I'm glad I saw it through. It ended up being not as terrible as I thought it was going to be. It's not great, but it's getting better. I think my proofreading skills have improved at the very least. :)
> 
> Till next time!


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